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The Secrets of the Blue Eyes
There are worse things than killing your ex-boyfriend. At least that is what I have to tell myself to stay sane. Maybe I did kill him, but it was for a good reason! Sure, I feel guilty that his innocent brother suffers in jail everyday for my crime, but it's not like he had a future anyway. I, on the other hand, am going to live a future that any girl would die for, that is, if no one finds out my secret.
I already have the most lavish mansion in all of New York which I'm sure I will inherit. Also, I have been nominated for Prom Queen, and of course, my appearance can get me as far as I want to go. The only problem with myself is that I "take care of business" when it needs to be done, but in some cases, I would consider that an asset, so it's really all about point of view. I know maybe it wasn't the most "humane" way to deal with the problem, but he had it coming.
I knew I was different since first grade when I found out it wasn't normal for parents to hit their children. I had always thought it was a part of growing up. Don't eat your vegetables, hit. Don't go to bed when you're told, hit. Dad comes home from the bar after too many drinks, hit really hard. I had always sworn to myself that I would never be like my dad. Sometimes it got really hard when a jerk would annoy me and I couldn't just punch him. Or when I was at a party and everyone around me was drunk, it would have been so easy to just fit in, but I couldn't because I didn't know if I would be able to handle what I would turn into.
Because of my complicated life as a kid, once I got into high school it was really hard for me to trust anyone and have a serious relationship. Although I loved a challenge, this was one of the few that I wasn't willing to test. I kept my heart guarded like a girl, I never let my guard down because I was scared of getting too close to anyone just for them to hurt me. I had been hurt too much on the outside I didn't know if I could handle being hurt on the inside too.
I honestly tried my best to stay away from anything that even smelled like a relationship, but this one girl just wouldn't stay away. I'm not a cocky guy, but from what some girls have said I know I'm actually pretty decent looking, a little above it in fact. Therefore, it was a lot harder for girls to stay away from me than me to stay away from them. They would flirt with me, and no matter how beautiful or sincere they seemed I couldn't get the thought out of my head about them hurting me or even the other way around. I had short flings with many girls because of this, most of the guys looked up to me as a hero for being able to get so many, but I was really just looking for one who I could actually be safe with; a girl who wouldn't hurt me. I could never tell them that of course, I wasn't worried that much about what people thought about me, but I didn't really like the idea of them all thinking I was worried about guarding my heart.
I didn't know who my type of girl was, but I sure did know who it's wasn't. So to keep things simple, most of the time I settled for the girls I knew weren't going to get attached to me, and it is pretty hard to fall in love with someone heartless, so I didn't really have too much to worry about. And it wasn't hard at all to find someone, it turns out she was after me. And not surprisingly even at our large school I knew exactly who she was. It was impossible to go a day without hearing things about her. She never really had an official boyfriend, but she definitely could have whoever she wants, and she would make sure you knew that. Everyone wanted something to do with her, girls wanted to be her friend, if you could even call it that, and guys wanted to be able to call her their own. And somehow, Skylar St.John wanted me.
"No good deed goes unpunished. And your deed might not have been good, but it won't go unpunished either." I must have re read it at least fifty times before I understood what it meant. The murder, someone was after me for revenge. But how did they know it was me! If I would have orchestrated the crime I would have gotten caught a long time ago. I'm at least smart enough to know I'm too dumb to come up with a plan like that on my own. I took a few thousand dollars of Daddy's money and hired a hit man to do all the dirty work for me. I don't think he has even noticed it is missing and if he says something I will just say I went shopping, I've spent much more before.
I turn back to the letter, it had been inside a small white envelope addressed to me without a return address. The short note was typed in normal black ink on a small sheet of paper, so simple yet there were so many mysteries. I couldn't tell anyone about this, obviously. No one knows I am the one that killed Luke, except of course the hit man, but he knows I am capable of killing him just as fast as he killed Luke if he steps back over our deal. The question is haunting me, I glance over my room to my white chest of drawers and notice my silk shirt hanging out. Someone has been snooping. And since my parents are out of the country on vacation this weekend and they gave the maid off this weekend it is obvious who it is.
As I slam open her door I have to hold my nose as I enter Camille's room and smell all the candles she has burning. She has been like this for the past six months, right about the same time Luke was killed.
"You do know he was my boyfriend not yours, it really feels like you're the one whose true love died!" I cry to her as she continues to lay on her bed, not even acknowledging my presence, she really is rude sometimes. "Camille," I continue as I walk toward her bed and begin rubbing her back, "I don't know why you have been so, well obnoxiously sad lately, but whatever it is you need to get over it, people at my school are starting to talk about you, and you know I really don't like hearing these terrible rumors about you." She laughs at this, knowing it is a lie as much as I do.
"I'm sorry Queen Sky," I glare at her as she says the nickname she uses to insult me. At least I act like a queen and not a depressed loser. She continues, "I feel Luke at least deserves someone to mourn for him, since you have obviously moved on." I gasp at this outrageous comment; it was one month exactly when I started dating someone else. I can't let someone dying stop my life, it was his stupid choices that led to his death not mine. And it happens that Camille suspects I killed him, of course I try to convince her differently.
This makes me question, "Camille, I loved Luke with everything in me," she rolls her eyes at this but I continue, "however, our relationship was cut short by a tragedy that I don't like to be reminded of, and I would very much appreciate it if you wouldn't mind keeping the past in the past." At this point she has turned over to face the wall, I narrow my eyes at her. "That is, unless you have some clues about the murder that you would like to share with me? And you don't have to type and mail them next time" She flips back toward me, her face in shock.
This is it, I have caught her. Just as quickly as she flipped over, her face returns to the sadness that is has been covered with for so long. Her burning blue eyes, the only thing that links us together as I have a pair just as powerful as hers, fire at me as she calmly says holding back her anger, "Queen Sky, you are crazy and I have no clue what you are talking about get out of my room. Now. Go somewhere where you are wanted, but I doubt that's anywhere." Crazy. She had called me crazy. My gaze on her intensifies and she draws back as soon as she realizes what she called me. She knows better to call me that. I will admit, I might be manipulative, I might be bold, but I am not crazy. If I have anything to do with it, Camille might be joining Luke sooner than expected.
I had kept myself safe from heartache for long enough that I felt I should be able to let myself be in a relationship and at least make it out alive. Turns out that wasn't possible. Skylar wanted me and I knew there were better people out there, ones who cared more about people's feelings than their popularity status, but I wasn't looking for a better person.
I decided to just let Skylar take control of the relationship even though she had that in mind before talking to me about it. Everywhere we went, I soon learned I was more of a trophy than an actually boyfriend. As soon as I left my spot on her arm a mix of confusion and rage would come across her face. It was easier to just stay next her. She flaunted me off everywhere; in the hallways, on the weekends, even at church. She was a soldier and I was her weapon, she used me to make everyone fall weak to her. Then again, I used her to make sure I didn't get hurt.
I just went along with it because, well, I actually don't even know why. I somehow felt that something good would come out of being Skylar St.John's boyfriend. And soon enough it did. I was at Skylar's house one afternoon helping her with her Calculus homework when she got a phone call. She answered and soon panic came over her, she slammed the phone shut and explained that she had "business to deal with." She asked me to finish her homework, gave me a quick kiss, and ran out before I could ask her what the problem was.
Calculus was one of my easiest classes and the longer I was away from home was less time with my dad, so I just decided to listen to her. About twenty minutes after she left, the door open and slammed.
"Baby," I called, "I'm almost done, what was the big deal?" As soon as I finished asking, the figure approached me. I recognized the amazing eyes, but this girl was completely different. Every step was confident,yet cautious. My eyes couldn't stray off of her graceful body approaching me, she was more beautiful, more real than Skylar. After what seemed like an eternity, she stopped across the table from me. She slowly looked down at what I was working on, then chuckled the sweetest laugh I had ever heard.
"Usually I'm the one who ends up doing her homework, you must be Skylar's boyfriend?" she questioned in a smooth voice. It took me a few seconds to reply to her, but then I spoke kind of shaky, "Uhm, yeah, yeah! And you are......?"
She laughed at this, as if it was some kind of joke, "I'm Queen Sky, I mean, Skylar's sister, Camille. Well, we are twins but being sisters is bad enough, I hate calling us twins and thinking we are anything near identical." From the second she walked in I could tell she was nothing like Skylar, I could tell by her simple t-shirt and jeans that she didn't care about always being the one people looked to and wanted to be. And something about her was so nervous, as if at any moment she could be attacked.
I was still so confused, after five months of dating she never mentioned Camille. "Oh, she never mentioned she had a twin-I mean sister."
"I figured that, she doesn't like people knowing about me. I actually go to a public school in town because she just couldn't stand the thought of us going to school together and somehow convinced our parents it was best for us to 'grow as independent students' if we went to separate schools. Obviously I didn't argue, living at home with her was enough I couldn't imagine all day at school. You hungry? I'm about to go make some dinner."
I actually was pretty hungry so I followed her into the kitchen, admiring her the whole way. She started throwing some vegetables into a pot and then hopped onto the counter and looked me up and down. Just knowing she was looking at me made me nervous. Oh no, what was happening to me! I had never felt this way before and now this girl I hardly knew was making my heart pound.
"So, why are you dating Skylar? Is it because of her 'model looks' or the fact that she's the 'most popular girl at school'? I'm dying to know." she questioned me being overly dramatic. I had actually been asked this a lot and I recited the answer which I had never felt guilty saying, but now I was embarrassed as I spoke into her honest eyes,
"Well it turns out we have a lot in common, and we both just really like each other." As soon as I finished she stared at me, then laughed as if it was the funniest thing she had ever heard. I joined her not only because she was just so adorable I couldn't help it, and because I knew just as well as her how much of a lie that was.
"Well, I didn't know you enjoyed terrorizing innocent people on your weekends, but seems like we are getting to know each other," she said still laughing, "and I hate to break it you but Skylar likes herself way more than she will ever like you."I knew that already.
Camille looked down and said quickly, "Just don't make her mad, sometimes her anger can get the best of her." I already knew not to make her mad, but it was weird that her sister told me this, as if she knew something I didn't. Yet, something about this girl made me feel comfortable, I felt like I could tell her about my past and she would understand. She was compassionate, she knew what it was like to be told you weren't good enough. But that would mean becoming weak and vulnerable, she would know what hurt me the most and why I lived how I live. Even worse, if she did understand me, I'm afraid I might even begin having feelings for this amazing girl. My girlfriend's twin to be exact.
It was impossible for anyone to not just fall in love with Luke. Aside from the fact he was dating the most gorgeous girl, he himself was extremely attractive. The way he looked at you made you feel like he was hiding something even though he wasn't because I knew everything about him. That is what I loved about him, everything he said was so meaningful and honest.
The only time I didn't like to hear him talk was when he was talking to my sister. It started happening more frequently which was really worrying me.
I would come home from school and Luke would be there talking to Camille as if she was even worth his time. Poor thing, Luke was probably as bored as I am in math class when he had to talk to her. I really did try to be nice to Camille when we were younger, but soon I learned that she was going to try to be better than me in everything. I couldn't let that happen. So I planned on keeping her as far away from my boyfriend as possible. I wouldn't want Luke thinking I was anything like Camille.
I know Camille was drawn to Luke, it was obvious when I saw her talking to him. And the scary thing is, when they thought I wasn't looking I could catch Luke looking at her in a way he never looked at me. But it is impossible for Camille to know I killed him and even if she did, she would never sell me out. I am her loving sister after all.
Since she was out of the picture I had to figure out who knew my dirty little secret. I had gotten another note tied onto my car door yesterday after school. It said, "Soon I won't be the only one who knows you would kill to get rid of someone who made you mad. And it will be tough hiring someone to kill me if you don't even know who I am" I thought the first letter was a mistake or coincidence, but they were being way too specific now. They knew that I had hired someone to kill Luke, but how? None of it made any sense. The only thing I knew for sure was that I had to find out who it was, so I could get rid of them just as quickly as I got rid of Luke.
I tried, I really did, but I just couldn't help myself from falling in love with Camille. She was exactly what I had tried to stay away from my whole life. She had somehow made me feel comfortable enough to share my secrets about my life at home. I had even cried and she just listened and soothed me with those familiar eyes. She told me about living as Skylar's sister, and I comforted her. It was tragic really, because there was no way we could ever work out and we both knew that.
I began going to Skylar's in hope Camille would be there. My life at home was getting worse. My mom left us and now it was just my dad and I. And of course, I was blamed for my mom leaving because my father was too weak to blame it on himself.
My life was constantly dark. I kept on walking in circles, alone and confused, until I would be lucky enough to see the light comforting me. Camille was that light for me, behind those brilliant blue eyes there was actually feelings and hopes for me. She was the only person in my life who really believed in me.
A few times at night we snuck out. We had this spot in a huge field away from our troubles in the city. We would talk about running away together. We could live fearlessly and not always scared of what would be waiting for us at home. All I needed was to hold her in my arms, looking up at the stars and the world stopped. She was all I needed, with her I was complete.
"Promise me Luke, promise me that in the end everything will work out. We won't have to sneak out just to see each other, we won't have to pretend we don't know each other when I see you out. Promise me you will always be here for me." The moon made her skin glow a color I can't even describe. But I will never forget the way she looked at me just then, the way her words circled me and hovered, waiting to know the answer.
The feelings I had outrun for so long had finally caught me. And they felt a million times stronger then I ever dreamt they would. If it was even possible, Camille became more beautiful in that instant, her love for me was honest, hopeful, and vulnerable. I had been empty and she had filled me with the most beautiful feelings. Before her I was simply alive, but once she came in my life I truly began living.
The only problem was I knew I wouldn't be living much longer. As dumb as Skylar was, she kept the email to the hit man on her computer up on her computer when I went over to do her homework. From what it said, she knew about Camille and I. At first I doubted it, she is cruel, but not that cruel.
Then I remembered what Camille had told me once when we were out one of our secret outings. Skylar had threatened Camille when they were 13 to kill her when they were fighting. A serious threat. When her parents came home and saw Skylar with a knife they sent her to a rehab for her problems which they soon learned were very severe. She spent 3 years in rehab which is another reason why Skylar insisted they went to different high schools, to cover her secret.
Because of her past, I didn't doubt she would hurt my precious Camille. And I knew if I told anyone of Skylar's plot Camille would be the first one gone. She had so much ahead for her. I knew she would get out of this town and become something. And as much I hated to think of her with someone else, I loved her enough to know she was going to find someone better than me who could provide for the amazing life she was going to lead.
Realizing she was still waiting for an answer, I squeezed her hands, looked into her eyes realizing it might be the last time and said, "I promise, I will always be here for you. Even if at times it seems like I am far away I promise if you ever need me you can just look at the stars and know I am listening. You will be a part of me wherever I go, and I promise even on days when it seems you are facing the world alone, I will always be with you. You brought me out of the dark Camille, and I promise that one day, we will be together, safe. When I look beyond your eyes I see all the answers. "
She had no clue that this was the last time I would physically be with her. The next day on my way to school I learned Skylar St.John no longer wanted me as her "boyfriend." I also learned that she would do absolutely anything to make sure she made it out on top.
About seven months after he died, I was brave enough to go to the spot I used to go to all the time with Luke. And just like old times I went under the cover of the night to our spot in the field. Surprisingly, the darkness comforted me and I knew Luke was with me. He promised he would.
As I laid down in the exact same spot where we had spoken of the happiest and saddest moments in our life, I looked up to the stars. I swear his green eyes had the exact same sparkle the stars did that night. I breathed in the sweet air and knew Luke wouldn't want me to be sad like this. He would want me to get in the world and put my past behind me, but always remembering where I came from.
Saying Luke changed me isn't even enough. Before Luke I was no one. I could never do anything for myself for fear of Skylar harming me. She controlled my life just the way Luke's father controlled his. We were both afraid to live and take chances, but with the strength he gave me I knew I could make it out of here. I had feelings of courage, confidence and boldness in me all along, but Luke was the first person to see it hiding under my fear.
"Not a day goes by that I don't think about you, Luke." I spoke to his presence that I could feel around me. With a strong voice I continued, "And I have finally realized that you don't want me to wish for you to be back. You don't want me to stop my life for you just because you aren't with me. Which is why I want you to know, that I am going to begin my new life for you. And I know you will be with me the whole time."
As I got up to walk home I saw two shiny blue rocks sitting by each other on top of a small mound, staring at me. I knew Luke had put them there, he was fascinated by my eyes, I just don't when he put them there. Then suddenly, I remember something he said to me on the last night we talked. "When I look behind your eyes I see all the answers." As I near it, almost without thinking I begin digging, beneath them. And I was hardly surprised when I found an emptied bottle of Barq's red cream soda, his favorite, with a note written in his hand writing:
My dear Camille,
I hate to imagine that you are reading this right now. That means that I have left you, something I imagine was very painful. I know you are filled with many emotions but I just hope none of them are hatred towards me because I guarantee you that no matter where I am right now, I am thinking of you.
You are an amazing girl Camille. You have gone through so much and I know your future will be none less than extraordinary. I hope that it is filled with love, laughter, challenges and content. I know that one day we will be together, just like I promised. However, as much as I can't wait for that day, please don't make it come any sooner than it has to.
Live for me, Camille. Show the world that amazing side of you that I was fortunate enough to see. I know you will do great things, Camille. And I promise I will be next to you the whole time.
I will be waiting for you,
I read the note over and over again. Just seeing his handwriting made me miss him even more than before. On about the fifth time I began to tear up, it would be so much easier to just stay here, cry, and wish things would have been different. But that is exactly what Luke doesn't want me to do. I stand up, wipe my eyes and begin my walk home, knowing my months of mourning are over.
As I get to my house, I see police cars in the front yard and my sister in handcuffs being dragged into the backseat. Of course, she is causing a scene but I have no clue what she has done. Maybe she had one of her attacks on my parents. I know what she is capable of when she gets too angry. I get scared and begin running, but as soon as I do I drop Luke's letter. As I bend down to pick it up I notice more writing on the back. Confused, I read:
Oh, and if you haven't found out already, your sister is the one that killed me. I planned to have some notes sent to her for a little drama, you know she loves that. And I also planned for all the evidence to be sent to the cops. Now the only thing possibly holding you back is gone. Looks like you don't have any excuses. Go get em baby.
I tucked the note into my back pocket, walked into my house, and didn't even look back at my sister being taken away.