Old Rage

December 30, 2011
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Robert was tramping vigorously through the jungle, with his eyes bulging out and his blood pumping hard. Hot and sticky sweat was forming on his forehead and his teeth were barred.

“Why did I agree to go on this stupid cruise in the first place!! I bet my wife just wanted to get rid of me!” Robert yelled at the top of his lungs. “Oh come on Robert, it will be fun! It will help loosen you up! Just think of all the amazing sights you’ll see!” He glanced up at the clear blue sky, “Well look around me now Susan, do you think this is fun!”
Suddenly, a monkey from a nearby tree started laughing, causing a chain of laughter echoing throughout the vast jungle. The laughter pounded in Robert’s ears, causing him to yell louder.
“Oh ya! You think it’s so funny? Well let’s see how you like it now!” Robert bent down to pick up a rock and chucked it aimlessly into the trees. The rock sailed through the air and connected with the monkey’s head with a loud craaaaaaaack! As the monkey’s howl of death echoed through the air, a burning fire ignited inside of Robert, causing his anger to boil and his mouth to spread wide with sheer joy. He swiped up a heap of rocks and started to fire, laughing diabolically.
About a minute into his barbaric nature, a snake slithered up, attracted by the noise, his green and yellow scales gleaming in the sunlight. The gleam caught the attention of Robert who, having already killed a monkey before, views his new enemy as a minor threat.
“Come here you big old snake! I can take you!” he screamed with insanity as he brought down a giant brown stick upon the lizard. As the snake slithered back, it reared up and barred its lethal razor sharp fangs, its yellow eyes full of anger. Robert only took this as a challenge and started to raise his weapon to kill the beast, but he never got the chance, for the snake was faster and lunged for Robert’s throat. Its knife like blades ripped into the soft flesh of Robert’s neck, causing his hot red blood to gush out like a volcano gushing out hot magma. Robert cried out a bloody scream, as the snake’s venom poured into his veins. His body started to spasm as the snake eyed his prey as its slender body winded and pinned him down. Robert tried to cry out for help, but the force of the snake’s constriction was causing his ribs to snap and his lungs to cave. His vision started to blur and his muscles stopped working as the venom ensnared his weak heart. He took in one last breath and then moved no more. The snake, watching his enemy’s life burn out, let go of his neck and slowly slithered away, as if nothing happened.

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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

MrLee66 said...
Mar. 6, 2012 at 12:51 pm
While the language was graphic, I felt that some of your metaphors/descriptors were confusing, particularly with the snake. I would consider using a different word than laughter when you initially speak of the monkeys so that their "chattering" becomes laughter in his ears. Just a thought. I appreciated the context you provided which situated the story.
Taconut7 replied...
Mar. 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Thanks for the advice! I used the word "laughter" because I want to show how the character feels as if the monkeys are laughing at him, like when people laugh at him.

Of course this is hard to do when I submit only a section of the story I am writing. But thanks for the advice still!

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