Karl's Cannons

December 13, 2011
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Karl kept one cannon on the front porch and one on the back. Every night when he went to sleep he would wet the cannons down so that nobody could steal them, and if somebody did they were rigged to explode; not the deadly type of explosion but more the “complete obliteration of all matter that happened to be in the same general area as the cannon” type of explosion. That happened to me once, only once, yeah I’m dead. I wasn’t even trying to steal the guy’s cannons and they blew my head clean off. The only thing that ended up being more inconvenient than dying that night was trying to find my head, with no head mind you, but I eventually found it behind a hill in Karl’s backyard.
I sometimes wonder why it happened. Why I had to turn into this ghost thing instead of being limp and lifeless like my friends. I talk to them sometimes, when I’m really bored, I ask them how it’s going and stuff, but they never talk to me, it could be because their mouths are sewed shut. I really don’t know why Hasbro did that, but that’s not really up to me. Ya know, everybody thinks it would be really cool to be a ghost, but I beg to differ, I mean you can’t even wear clothes, how am I supposed to get service with no shirt and no shoes, I mean I don’t even have pants! So I decided to just burn my so called “friends”. I just threw them into this weird guy’s house and locked the doors, when I first started the fire the guy was freaking out, but after a while he stopped.
But enough about me, let’s get back to Karl and his pitch black cannons. Karl is this really creepy guy I used to know that has really bad, and I mean REALLY bad, paranoia. Not many people know exactly what paranoia is, but I can tell you this, you don’t want it. I mean Karl is so weird he used to play with dolls up until he was twelve. I feel sorry for him. Anyway, that’s why Karl uses the cannons, and this is how I snagged my pants on one of them: I was running away my landlord who was trying to stab me or something for force feeding cookies to his daughter that I had made for her; some people just over react to everything.
Sometimes being a ghost can be cool though, I mean I can prank the heck out of people now, like last week I picked up this manikin in a shopping mall lit it on fire, and started walking it around, everyone in the whole store had a heart attack, I think most of them died, hahaha, it was great. Also I freak Karl out a lot. It’s pretty funny, his worst fear turns out to be ghosts so I’ve been messing with him for a while, but I think I’m almost done with him so I’m probably going to kill him soon, I’ll make it really cool, though, so he won’t be forgotten and crud. You know what I’ll do?! I’ll stab him with a knife sharpener, just for the irony. The best part is nobody would possibly suspect the ghost of his dead brother.

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