Identity Cycle

December 8, 2011
By Anonymous

May 18, 2000 – Phoenix, Arizona
I sat there on the dimly lighted stairs listening to them. Half the words that they used I couldn’t even comprehend, nonetheless begin to fathom. Though, one detail was extremely obvious from the fathers’ harsh voices and the mothers’ hissed whispers: they were scared. Never in my whole six years have I heard them like this: felt their auras so strongly and piercing into my heart with a dagger. Though I couldn’t scream, even let out a whimper, it was the silent fright that I shared with the ones below.
He then came to great me from the adjourning bedroom upstairs, giving me this cautious look and acting older than his age. We shared the same birth year, yet he still believes that September and March make all the difference in the world. At the same time that he is my best friend and the only one my parents feel comfortable with me playing wiht, he is also my arch enemy whom I must try everything in my skill power to outwit, out strength, and outsmart. I was taught this from my father since day one: to keep your enemies close, they will do nothing but strengthen you. Little did I know that Liam Mcline was actually the only real tie to reality that I could hold and grasp onto.
So there we sat trying to make out the little audible words. What we did hear, scared me. What we didn’t frightened me even more. No one knew that us two little kids were prowling around the dorm loft stellar: not the parents nor the five men that stampeded into my home, holding big black things that caused the whole house to shake and the adults to cry and bellow below. I couldn’t understand, but Liam must of, for he dragged my shocked body upstairs that only had enough sense to not scream at the outstretched hand visible from the bottom of the stairs, slathered by a red goo. He slammed us into the hidden compartment in my room that I have been aware of since I was old enough to walk. From there, all we witnessed was the thumbing of heavy boots, crashing furniture, and barked commands that were too muffled to hear. So all I did, was wet my eyes that were covered by Liam’s shoulder, shaking and cuddling against him as he stroke my hair.
“It’s okay Jessica. Shhhhh. It’s okay,” he whispered.
My parents had told be to prepare for this moment and that it would occur any day now.
I just hoped it never would and I would be able to live in the fairytale world.
The Identity Cycle has begun.

November 3, 2010 – Portsmouth, New Hampshire
“Hello my name is Maria Brant…well Sister Brant to you…and I would like to be the first to welcome you to Saint Karen’s! It is always a pleasure to accept such nice and clever students into our school My, that essay about the current homeland struggles: amazing. Nonetheless to say that the immigrant one was breathtaking. Oh, our dear Lord must have given you two some envious talents: who knew that this was all going on, right under the grasp of our government?” She ranted, leading us into the private school’s office.
Being a religious and equally old institution, the whole building was inlayed with stone bricks and complete with massive stain glass windows that let in the sun and starlight dancing and waltzing amongst the cold walls. It was also private, and boarding. Through the few regular port holes along our journey, I could see that dorms framed the chapel and tall maples shading like a college campus. It was the perfect place to blend in and stay hidden, leaving out the hideous plaid skirts with a white unfashionable polo and black Mary Anne’s.
And that was what we were here to do: stay out of sight; out of the way. Not that Sister Brant knew that, she assumed from our winning essays that we came from a poor family out in West Virginia that only needed a head start to help out us pursue our careers. Did I feel guilty about taking some deserving kid’s chance at a future? Yes. But we were in a way worse of a situation…something the school and all therein didn’t need to know about. There was a lot that would be better if they didn’t catch ear of, for instance the essays: the whole world didn’t need to know that the United States government was secretly corrupt and was trying to fake it all. Hell, we’d have a big problem if they did.
“We are very glad you liked them, Sister Brant. We’ve been waiting for a chance like this to show the world what my cousin and I are capable of,” Liam stated, following right behind the women, paying attention to her body movement and security codes if any. I on the other hand, was surveying the architectural design and landscaping. If we were to need either a quick escape or a midnight adventure, it was up to me to find the quickest escape routes and blind camera spots. It was routine for Liam and I to do so.
The sister then typed in a seven digit code to the door of her office…one no doubt Liam would have caught. “Well, I am having extremely positive thoughts that you two will fit in nicely here, pressuring your future with dreams and prayers that never seize!” She exclaimed, leading us into the homey office which held a mahogany desk and chair set with two others out in front of it. Behind that furniture, built in book cases lined the wall filled up with dust and ancient novels. On the left was another one of the stained windows, featuring the scene of Mary holding baby Jesus. The right housed a large crucifix inlayed in brushed nickel. It was your everyday typical Catholic principal’s office, “Sit down! Sit down! We have much to discuss!”
With that, we plopped into the two rather uncomfortable chairs in front of us as the sister climbed around to the back. Liam and I were still in fatigue from all the traveling we have gone through the past few days. When you are forced the break and burn ties to life, that means really smolder them. You can’t just expect them to disappear on a one-stop flight using an easily traceable credit card. No, it involves numerous scams, double takes, and hours of plane riding to reach victory.
The sister plugged a bunch of letters…and Liam readable passwords…into the humming computer on the side of the desk. It was one of those mother desktops: huge. Then, Sister Brant spoke, “What are your names again? I just need to make sure they’re spelled right and everything, you know?”
“Melissa Lyle,” I lied, looking into her washy blue eyes. Sister Brant must have been at least seventy years old, wrinkles creating fault sized ditches in her skin and eyes streaking red rays. Remembering from when we were walking, she was about five feet tall, a short woman. I couldn’t tell what her hair looked like though, for Sister Brant was wearing the whole nun outfit. “M-E-L-I-S-S-A L-Y-L-E.”
“And I,” Liam, who really wasn’t my cousin, spoke. “Am Jake Lyle…” For any regular teenage girl, you would consider him as hot as the devil with dreamy eyes, sharp looking features, and incredible abs (So not telling how I know that…). But to me, he was just a pain in the ass and Liam knew it too. Sure he was charming and stuff, but who also is always joking and witting around, thinking that I need his help. Honestly, I would really rather do without him, but the few times that we have tried that…well let’s just say didn’t work out too swell, “J-A-K-E L-Y-L-E.”
“Okay, great!” Sister Brant chanted after typing in our names and doing a few other clicks of the mouse. “Well, now that you two are officially students at St. Karen’s, you both are now entitled to know the campus rules!” With that, the women handed us both a sheet of paper which outlined the weekends and weekdays.

The author's comments:
Hello All!
This is the beginning of something I worked on a while back, and hope that you guys enjoy it :) It is my first article posted, and would love it if you could give some critique and advice!
Thanks All!

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This article has 15 comments.

on Jan. 16 2012 at 11:03 am
SarasotaWonder BRONZE, Cumberland, Maine
1 article 0 photos 61 comments
Thanks so much for your comment! This is the beginning of a piece I'm working on, so I hope to post more soon! :) (Then all will be revealed....eventually...bahaha)

on Jan. 16 2012 at 8:40 am
dolphinportkey7 GOLD, D, Other
12 articles 0 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good" AND "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee I want MORE!!!! >:D This is such a good start; I love the fact that it seems to be in our own world, but something secret is going on that we didn't know about. I wish I knew what they are running from, but at the same time I don't- it adds to the mystery. Everything seems so realistic, too, in terms of dialogue and behavior- especially Liam and Jessica's relationship, which seems more sibling-like than romantic. (Apparently that's a natural psychological effect that can take place- if you and someone else spend enough time together before age six, than your minds can subconsciously view each other as siblings, so you're less likely to fall in love.) This is so amazing, though. I LOVE it.

on Dec. 31 2011 at 2:09 pm
SarasotaWonder BRONZE, Cumberland, Maine
1 article 0 photos 61 comments
ohhh thats cool! haha you're from maine too :) sorry I didn't realize that :)

on Dec. 31 2011 at 2:07 pm
SarasotaWonder BRONZE, Cumberland, Maine
1 article 0 photos 61 comments
Thanks for the advice!!!

on Dec. 31 2011 at 2:06 pm
SarasotaWonder BRONZE, Cumberland, Maine
1 article 0 photos 61 comments
Thanks! I made it anonymous because I haven't really told anyone that writing is a major hobby of mine, and I have no idea if they will randomly pick it up and see my name. I know its kind of a stupid reason, and that I really should not be embarrased of people I know reading my stuff, but I haven't even told my parents yet sooooo yeah if that makes any sense :) Thanks again for the comment!!

on Dec. 31 2011 at 1:22 pm
fictitious-quandary GOLD, Orlando, Florida
18 articles 5 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
Knowing is not enough; we must apply.
Willing is not enough; we must do.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right"
- Henry Ford

I like this and I think this could make an amazing start to a spectacular story if you fix a few mistakes and make it a bit easier to comprehend. Besides that wonderful job and I look forward to seeing more work from you :)

on Dec. 31 2011 at 5:23 am
Eshshah PLATINUM, Galloway, New Jersey
32 articles 31 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep." -Robert Frost

this was a great story with a great plot- the characters, were intriguing, but sadly there are a few spelling errors in one line "with" is spelled wrong (though I'm sure it's just a typo) overall, it's a great story. just curious- why'd you make it anonymous?

on Dec. 24 2011 at 9:10 am
SarasotaWonder BRONZE, Cumberland, Maine
1 article 0 photos 61 comments
Thank you for your comment! I hope to continue it sometime...and explain what exactly happened in that ten year gap, but just haven't gotten to it yet! Thanks for your advice again!

koolwords said...
on Dec. 24 2011 at 8:51 am
koolwords, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
0 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Unless you put your whole meaning into something, it's a waste." -Yvonne Tindelll

Wow, you need to pull this story and put it into the novel section of this site. This little snipit of what seems to be a very big idea is very interesting. though based on this as just a short story, there's a lot that you haven't rapped up yet. The idea of an identity cycle is intriguing, and a great way to open your story in an action filled point. Though, what concerns me a little is that you do have this ten year gap, and for the rest of this short story you don't mention the identity cycle again. I understand that there's probably a lot more that we just haven't read yet. But don't forget about it. Over all I thought this was a really good piece, and after the few edditing marks that paigeforeman pointed out i think this will be a top noch story. So keep writing, and good luck with your endevors.

vrihet BRONZE said...
on Dec. 24 2011 at 2:05 am
vrihet BRONZE, Tianjin, Other
1 article 12 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst.

A bit fuzzy, and a 10 year gap is quite large. But other than that, it has the makings of greatness. Maybe explain a bit what happened in between as she is walking into the school.

on Dec. 23 2011 at 8:08 pm
SarasotaWonder BRONZE, Cumberland, Maine
1 article 0 photos 61 comments
No it was fine....extremely helpful!!!! Thanks so much for the editing remarks....wish I could edit them on here! haha

on Dec. 23 2011 at 2:14 pm
paigeforeman GOLD, Washington, District Of Columbia
18 articles 6 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible!"-Walt Disney
"It's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years."- Abraham Lincoln
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."-Gandhi
"The truth is out there."-The X-Files

Hello! This was a very interesting story that I think would make a very good book. You should consider it. ;-) However, there are some mistakes that I spotted. Feel free to disregard them. "great" should be greet. "...playing wiht..." should be with. "Liam must of..." of should be have. "...forced the break..." I think you mean "to." "hot as the devil," is really cheesy so I suggest taking it out. I'm sorry if my comment is very unreadable, my computer refuses to let me enter. I loved your story though!

on Dec. 22 2011 at 3:47 pm
SarasotaWonder BRONZE, Cumberland, Maine
1 article 0 photos 61 comments
Thanks both of you for your comments...and sorry for the grammer mistakes! I realized i had most of them right after I posted it. And about it being confusing, I am planning on giving the transition/outline of what happened next. Thanks for your feedback!

on Dec. 22 2011 at 10:15 am
lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
11 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a bowl of spaghetti. Every once in a while, you get a meatball." - Sharon Creech

I agree with Pen2Paper, it was confusing. But if this is only the beginning, then it's a good start. I would say more, like I want to hear more about the hand in the beginning, or explain the beginning part more, but if you put that in the story later on (or explain) then you're good to go! What I would suggest though is to read it over to check the typos that you have, and also the grammar mistakes. Also check your tenses, I feel like sometimes you switch between past and present tense.

on Dec. 22 2011 at 6:36 am
Pen2Paper BRONZE, Eatons Hill, Other
3 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
This was said by Abraham Lincoln: It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Hey, I really like this, i think that it could turn out really great. I gave it a 4, because it doesn't make a lot of sense yet, it's starting to become clearer, so that should be fixed up when you continue. Apart from that I really like it.

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