The Attack of the Living Celery Sticks

November 27, 2011
By Anonymous

It was only several minutes before sunrise when boisterous voices disrupted my peaceful slumber. I was about to munch on the Holy Acorn of Heaven in my dream! Who could possibly be out there at this point in time? I grew irritated as the noises outside of my tree increased, so I grudgingly wiped away my drool and dragged myself out of the tree hole to inspect them. Although my animal instincts told me it was nearly morning, the sky was still ominously black, and the moon was shining too bright for me to look at. The wind howled viciously, sending an eerie shiver down my furry back, and the long shadows of the towering trees swayed wildly. As I scurried closer to the raucousness, I felt the palpable beat of my heart, pulsing faster.
“Let’s go in, guys!” a voice exuberantly shouted. At the same moment, I entered into a clearing and watched a hideous, red-haired human with freckles beckon his two henchmen, a lanky boy with brown hair and a chubby boy with glasses, as they walked toward a cave. The group quieted down and vanished into the dark, swallowing shadows of the cave.
Annoyed after realizing that the voices simply came from a bunch of mischievous humans, I loudly yawned and grumpily scampered back to home.
“How troublesome,” I thought to myself. Suddenly, there was a loud, desperate cry from the cave. Aroused by my curiosity, I swiftly raced to the entrance and stopped. I narrowed my eyes at the cave and noticed that iridescent moonlight poured and bathed the area in a strange silver light at an acute angle.
“What’s going on?” I whispered, growing apprehensive. Although my sleepy brain pleaded me to return home to my Acorn dream, my curiosity got the better of me. Scrupulously, I began to scan the cave’s surroundings. Hanging from the ceiling were sharp, menacing stalactites, and deeper inside the cave, jagged, white stalagmites poked out of the rocky grounds. My ears instinctively twitched, catching the sounds of three sickening snaps and a malevolent laugh. Immediately, my stomach started to uncomfortably churn. Then, I froze in fear.
Out of nowhere, a lit, blue candle magically appeared several yards in front of me. Mesmerizing, its glowing flames flickered in the cold early morning and greedily consumed the candle’s cerulean wax. Just as swiftly as the hovering candle emerged, a man with a wicked scar running down his left cheek materialized. His hunched back faced me.
“This is your chance! Run, Bobby! Run!” my brain admonished me, but my stubby limbs betrayed me. With legs nailed to the ground, I trembled dreadfully as the livid fire slowly danced, and the human cackled. By the man’s right side were thousands of circular, yellow eyes suspended in the air.
“Rise, Lord Celery! Rise!” the insane man yelled. My eyes widened as green bodies, each with a set of two yellow eyes, became visible. Sweat rolled down my forehead.
“They…they…they look like my Aunt Mildred’s lunch!” I cried, finding my voice. Surprised by my shrilly scream, the human spun around and looked around before catching my eye. His pale white lips curled into a malicious smirk at the sight of me.
As if he had understood me, he snorted and laughed, “Yes, squirrel! They’re celery sticks, and they shall rise and destroy all living things in the world.” The man swung a massive hand to gesture at the life-size vegetables next to him. “Perhaps, you shall be the lucky fourth to experience them! Ha ha ha!” I found my mouth completely dry after hearing the word “fourth”.
“You see, squirrel. Forty years ago, I was a nutritionist and wanted to promote celery sticks to be mandatorily eaten in every meal because they have a variety of beneficial nutrients. I proposed my idea around the world, but everybody thought that the idea of celery sticks in cereal was silly and laughed at me,” he continued. “Believing I was crazy, officials locked me up in an asylum, but I escaped and now I’m back with my Army of Celery Sticks to get my revenge! My Celery Sticks will be everywhere, but instead of people eating them, my Army will eat them. Now they will regret for not listening to me!” The man broadened his smile.
“Well, enough of my rambling. Get it!” he hoarsely ordered. There were several low moans, and before I knew it, the green monsters began crawling toward me.
“I…I have to get out of here!” I frantically scrambled backwards, bumping into a freezing body. A cold green hand grasped my shoulder, and a pair of sinister yellow eyes glared down at me. Out of horror, I tightly squeezed my eyes and screamed.
I waited for the agonizing pain of my early death, but nothing came. The hand on my shoulder remained still, and I heard the man angrily mutter under his breath about sunlight. Opening my eyes, I observed that the weird silver moonlight was fading, and the sky outside was slowly lightening with the rising sun.
“What are you doing, my Celery Army? Attack it!” he growled. Snapping back to life after listening to the words of its commander, the Celery Stick, holding my shoulder, began to raise a sturdy fist to strike me. Suddenly, adrenaline pumped into my veins, and I stomped on its gnarled foot. It yelped in pain, and I took this chance to escape out of the cave and into the familiar woods. The Army hesitated before chasing me down.
Fleeing as fast as my legs could carry me, I secretly smiled as I entered the trap-filled forest. Gradually, the woods began to be lit with sunlight, and the pathways became clearer. I dodged one trap to another, and behind me, the Army noisily pursued, stomping everything in its way and howling in surprise when caught in a trap.
“Kill the squirrel! Kill the squirrel!” the Army chanted. Climbing up a hill that over looked a river, I peered over my shoulder and lightly cheered as the Celery Sticks enormously dwindled in population, slowly lagged behind, and astonishingly began to fade. Then, I tripped.
The world spun upside down for a moment, and before I gained my footing again, six Celery Sticks were directly in front of me. I crawled backwards but stopped when realizing I was at the edge of the hill’s cliff. An ugly, wrinkly hand reached toward me.
“This is the end,” I softly spoke. Unexpectedly, the hand froze, and there was a horrid chorus of painful howling. One by one, the Celery Sticks collapsed to the ground as they tried to shield their faces. Shocked, I saw them literally fade away as the sun soared higher into the sky and destroyed the heat-vulnerable monsters. Not believing my eyes, I bit my arm to see if I was hallucinating, but the Celery Sticks in front of me continued to bawl and fade until they vanished into the air. After the last monster disappeared, I threw back my head and triumphantly laughed out loud. With my arms spread out, I lay in the cool grass and watched the white clouds, almost resembling the Holy Acorns of Heaven from my dream, serenely float across the sun-kissed sky.
“Celery sticks…” I whispered to myself as I recalled the strange adventure. As I turned to my right, my stomach, to my dismay, complained loudly, and I forced myself to scurry home for breakfast.
Jumping over decomposing logs and maneuvering around tall oak trees, I began to smell the nuts in my tree hole more distinctively. I hurriedly reached my marked tree and ascended to the tree hole.
“Oh, my Bobby! You look horrendously…dirty! Where have you been?” a cheerful, light voice exclaimed. Drowsily, I lifted my head and saw my Aunt Mildred, sitting in the middle of the living room with a blanket-covered basket in her paws.
“Cave…” I muttered.
“What, honey?”
“Nothing. I’m just hungry and tired.” I exhaustedly collapsed onto the warm ground of my home and began to comfortably nestle my head into soft leaves.
“Well, you’re in luck, honey! I’ve got food besides your stored nuts right here!” Instantaneously, my eyes lit back to life, and I gleefully moved next to Aunt Mildred.
“My favorites!” Aunt Mildred happily took off the red-checkered blanket from the basket, and I peered into it. Suddenly, I heard a high-pitched shriek and Aunt Mildred shouting, “What’s wrong, Bobby? What’s wrong?”
It was only several seconds before I realized that the endless shrieking was coming from me and I was looking at twenty small, neatly cut celery sticks, all of which had nefarious yellow eyes glaring at me.

The author's comments:
What would the world be like without celery sticks? :)

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This article has 1 comment.

on Oct. 20 2012 at 7:50 pm
thegoldenllama BRONZE, Cupertino, California
2 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:

funny squirrel narrator...and celery sticks haha!

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