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Effects of Death Essay- the introduction

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In vision a bitter, motionless body, lying on their death bed; as their soul departures the still, decaying bones. The contemplation of death triggers the breathing human body, and is left there feeling somewhat unfilled within. The emotion dies within the living body as if it was the decaying body’s heart slowly stopping, grasping for its last breath. The effect of the decaying corpse stops the world from revolving; the world seems to collapse. Although it’s rigid, moving on is the only way to heal a busted heart.





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AnimaCordis said...
Nov. 15, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Thank you for sharing it, it's a very gripping opening. Espitailly the opening sentence. I like your use of what i call 'harsh' objectives, eg 'busted' it gives the writing a bite to it. Those harsh sounds are softened by the softer ones eg 'grasping' so the peice doensn't come accross as cruel or, I don't know, grusome? Whoever marked that essay was lucky! 

Do you know what mark you got for it yet?

 
PaigeKim replied...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Thank you so much! My teacher is still correcting the essay, but when I get it back I will be sure to let you know! :)
 
novella said...
Nov. 15, 2011 at 9:10 am
I liked it! I actually wished it was longer cause it was so good, but I totally get the length considering what it is. great job! you really have a powerful, moving way with words:)
 
PaigeKim replied...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Thanks! It means a lot. I would have continued with the whole essay but it would have been pointless concidering it was something written for a class. But I appreiciate your feedback a ton! :)
 
novella replied...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 10:44 pm
your welcome! would you check out some of my work? :)
 
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