The Galactic Whirl

September 9, 2011
By jarofsouls SILVER, Montpelier, Indiana
jarofsouls SILVER, Montpelier, Indiana
9 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air, but only for one second without hope." - Author unkown


I wasn't scared to get on the ride at first. It didn't look that bad. I had been on one like it before, just at a different fair. But this one was different.

They were always the same. They were large enclosed spaces that were shaped sort of like spinning tops. A door always came down and let you in when it was time. Then it spun. Gravity held you down somehow, because the door was closed and because of the air. I had heard that once the door had opened in the middle of a ride and a bunch of people had died.

Like that could happen.

But this ride, the Galactic Whirl, was uneasily different. It was made of rusty metal that had been slick black at one time. It had a large mechanism attached to the door that looked like a complicated knob of confusing shapes and machines. It was supposed to scare people. But not me. Not until I was inside.

The theme must of been set on a crashed U.F.O. It was amazing really. The seats, which rolled up and down the wall, were only metal, no comfy cushioning. Blinking lights and fake steam hovered around me. It felt humid inside. My friend Oscar stared at the seats uneasily.

"Is this safe?" he said in a childish voice.

I just rolled my eyes and leaned against one of the seats.

As soon as everyone was seated, the ride slowly started to turn. There were only two other people on the ride besides us, a teenage girl and a young boy, who were both acting calm and bored. Oscar whimpered as we gradually gained speed. Above me was an indention in the ceiling that was shrouded in shadows. I stared over at Oscar(he was two seats away) and smiled, although the cold metal wa giving me goosebumps and I was anxious for the ride to stop. My whole body started to feel like it was spinning in different directions. A low, creepy drone filled the air. Then, red lights started to blink. I could see fake lose wires suspended around me. They hung loosely. Some made hissing sounds. I smiled at the sound effects and decor of the fair ride, but their was something-something too real about it.

Then things started to get weird. The seats started to roll up, and I watched as I rose toward the ceiling. Oscar was totally freaking. I laughed nervously until I saw what was happening to him.

The tubes were wrapping around his arms and legs. He started to scream as it happened. I was so stricken I didn't notice the same thing was happening to me. I tried not to panic, but then a large claw came out of the ceiling hole.

My lungs almost burst as I screamed for help. I couldn't wriggle away because of the tubes. I was completely vulnerable. Another groaning sound let loose, and I noticed it was more of a growl.

A growl from the machine.

I screamed louder as I realized my fate.

A claw gripped Oscar's face and I saw as he was pulled into oblivion. I could here grinding and crunching mixed with pleading screams from Oscar. The young boy was next, screaming for help from the girl, who tried to stick her hand inside the hole only to be taken hostage along with the him. Then it was quiet as I took a deep breath and the claw gripped me, the machine ready for another bite.


The author's comments:
This is a darker piece that starts out normal enough, but ends in a surprise. These are the kind of stories I like most: short and sweet and to the point-minus the sweet part.

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This article has 3 comments.


on Oct. 15 2011 at 5:39 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

Whoa! I didn't expect that. This was a great read; I really like it!! The descriptions were great and the story entertaining. Great job!! :)

on Sep. 22 2011 at 8:15 pm
Erecura PLATINUM, Eugene, Oregon
26 articles 11 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hell is empty; all the devils are here."
The tempest

I oved it! An evil amusement park ride! Original.

~Erecura


Two-ply SILVER said...
on Sep. 17 2011 at 4:20 pm
Two-ply SILVER, Black Mountain, North Carolina
6 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do one thing each day that scares you" -Eleanor Roosevelt

Wow, this is a really great piece of writing! So gripping and thrilling, I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to hear more! Keep writing!

Check out some of my work?





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