Lucifer

August 25, 2011
By augustsun02 SILVER, Hamburg, New Jersey
augustsun02 SILVER, Hamburg, New Jersey
9 articles 0 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write. It doesn't matter if you're overjoyed, furious, miserable, or what. Write to keep those emotions in check while managing to grow stronger.


The broken glass crunched beneath his heavy black boots. Each piece of glass was coated with a dark liquid. Blood maybe? He couldn't be sure. The wooden walls were beginning to rot away. He walked over and sat in the large armchair. Stuffing was seeping through the split seams, but he didn't mind. Home sweet home, he thought with a tiny chuckle. Several bodies lay in the far corner of the room; the rotting stench of flesh filling the house. He smirked at his many "trophies." He turned his head ever so slowly to the girl huddled in fear on the stained couch. Her blue eyes were full of fear as she gaped at her captor. A large bruise in the shape of a hand print was starting to form on her face.


"Wh-who are you?" the girl quivered, her voice unsteady and hesitant. Her once sleek and beautiful blond hair was now streaked with mud. Bits of blood clung to each strand, blending with the mud. Her face was pale except for the still forming bruise.


"Who am I?" he echoed. "You can call me Lucifer. Welcome to H*ll." Lucifer smiled, showing the girl his sharpened yellowing teeth. He let out a menacing laugh as he studied the girl. She was younger than his usual victims, much younger. "How old are you girl?" he asked.

"T-t-twelve," the girl stammered as tears streamed down her pale face. She wished she was with her mother. Her mother always knew how to take the pain away.

"What's your name?"

"Kendra," she told him as the tears continued to fall. Kendra's gaze landed upon the mangled mess of bodies. Fear shook her to her very core. "Wh-what are you going to do to me?"

"What am I going to do?" Lucifer inquired. "Well, you'll most likely end up like the others over there, You'll be a fine addition to my little collection." He smiled again as a vicious glint passed through his eyes.

"No," Kendra said in a trembling voice, "please don't. Daddy please don't"

"Too late, princess," Lucifer cackled. He lifted his beloved knife over his daughter's trembling body. He cackled as tears stained her face. "Time to go see Mommy."



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This article has 12 comments.


on Nov. 11 2012 at 9:47 pm
Claudia.VII BRONZE, N/A, California
2 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"Let them eat cake.\" -Marie Antoinette.
\"Genius is born-- not paid.\" -Oscar Wilde.
\"Press the button, we\'ll do the rest.\" -George Eastman
\"If you\'re going through hell, keep on going.\" - Winston Churchill

Ok, only one nitpick, and I'm sure this has been mentioned before. The girl asks him who he is and he replies "Lucifer", but then she calls him, "daddy". Are you trying to make her so completely in shock that she completely forgets and asks only to remember or...? Just remember to watch out for that in your future work. Otherwise, not bad. :)

on Aug. 1 2012 at 6:06 pm
Atl.Braves03 BRONZE, Tampa, FL, Florida
4 articles 0 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
God is God and I am not
I can only see a part
Of this picture he's painting
God is God and I am man
I will never understand
Because only God is God

Wow, seriously creepy. Well written though, definitely. Just very creepy.

on Jul. 20 2012 at 2:45 pm
augustsun02 SILVER, Hamburg, New Jersey
9 articles 0 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write. It doesn't matter if you're overjoyed, furious, miserable, or what. Write to keep those emotions in check while managing to grow stronger.

Thanks! I'm glad you like it :)

on Jul. 20 2012 at 1:21 pm
WSwilliams GOLD, Toronto, Ontario, Other
12 articles 3 photos 95 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you keep writing, you will pick up structure. You will pick up form

- Richard Matheson

great horror story. i would love to see Lucifer take on Freddy Krueger

on May. 22 2012 at 3:09 pm
xXxXangelXxXx SILVER, Henderson, Texas
9 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself"
" Love and Loyalty Runs Deeper Than Blood!"
"A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, leaves b4 shes left."

love it and its creepyness, though it snot too creepy.. still love it

Honour SILVER said...
on Jan. 23 2012 at 6:35 am
Honour SILVER, New London, Connecticut
9 articles 0 photos 181 comments

Favorite Quote:
Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. ~John 15:13

"Give me liberty or give me death!" ~Patrick Henry

Be brave and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the Lord, your God, who marches with you; he will never fail you or forsake you. ~ Deuteronomy 31:6

"I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery" ~ Thomas Jefferson

Great writing, but ahhhh it's seriously creepy! I mean like scary creepy!

JakeDamon GOLD said...
on Dec. 11 2011 at 10:42 pm
JakeDamon GOLD, Elizabethtown, Pennsylvania
10 articles 4 photos 14 comments
Dude scary and amazing

on Nov. 13 2011 at 6:58 pm
Jappyalldayeveryday, Detroit, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
They say that good things take time, but really great things happen in the blink of an eye

Woah. This is so creepy and horrible! But I'm pretty sure that's what you were going for, so good job! lol

on Nov. 10 2011 at 7:23 pm
augustsun02 SILVER, Hamburg, New Jersey
9 articles 0 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write. It doesn't matter if you're overjoyed, furious, miserable, or what. Write to keep those emotions in check while managing to grow stronger.

I see what you mean. I was trying to make "Who are you?" sound more like someone asking "What have you become?" Almost like she couldn't be sure that her father had become a deranged killer. When Lucifer asked "What's your name?" I meant it to be like "Who are you again?" Almost as if becoming a deranged psychopathic killer had erased the memory of his own daughter.

on Nov. 10 2011 at 7:16 pm
kingofwriters BRONZE, DeWitt, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Books are a uniquely portable magic." - Stephen King

I love books, and I love technology, but I don't want to see the latter overwhelm the former. I just think books are meant to be pages you turn, not screens you scroll through.

Overall, it's very good! There's just one part that confused me.

At first the girl is asking the man who he is, and Lucifer is asking the girl who she is, and suddenly the girl calls him Daddy and you wrote 'He lifted the beloved knife over his daughter's trembling body.'

If they hadn't known each other to begin with, it's really confusing when they start acting like they're in the same family and that they've known that all along.

So try not to make that mistake again, and keep up the good work! :)


on Sep. 21 2011 at 5:32 pm
augustsun02 SILVER, Hamburg, New Jersey
9 articles 0 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write. It doesn't matter if you're overjoyed, furious, miserable, or what. Write to keep those emotions in check while managing to grow stronger.

Thanks Christy!! And I'm getting aggravated with thoe " thingys. I feel they make it hard to focus on the dialogue.

on Sep. 21 2011 at 5:16 pm
TimeForCoffee BRONZE, Chester Springs, Pennsylvania
3 articles 1 photo 23 comments
Yay! Yay! Whoop-whoop! It was really good! Loved it! ^-^ Keep up the good work!




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