Betrayed

July 9, 2011
By Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."


Kara screamed, running down the dark corridor at top speed. Lightening struck the outside window, willing her to keep moving. The grandfather clock chimed, only causing her to increase her speed. She had to keep going, she had to get away…
The hallway seemed to be closing in on her, all the walls inching closer and closer. Lights flickered; hot tears filled her eyes, blurring her vision as she dashed down the darkening passage. Glancing in the mirror, a face of true horror starred out at her. White face, scars running down the entire left side, with dark, dilated black eyes staring into her soul.
Hitting the living room, she spun around, searching frantically for her cell phone. Finally locating the technology, she quickly called her boyfriend. Crying to him, she begged him to come right away. “It’s here,” she wheezed, “it’s coming for me.” Replying he was on his way, mid-sentence, he was cut off.
Throwing the phone away, she yelled, her voice shrill and high-pitched. Branches tapped against the dark windows, making the hairs at the nape of her neck stand on end. He was coming, she knew he was, and then everything would be fine, just like it was last time.
Headlights flickered through the window, distorted from the whipping branches of the weeping willows outside. Wind burst through them, causing a frenzy of thrashing leaves. The door burst open, causing Kara to cry out again. She knew she was safe, but still, it was here, waiting for her.
The lights shut of completely, and the grandfather clocks slow, steady ticking came to an abrupt halt. Windows shattered as the rain increased in power, pounding into the pavement outside. Pictures hanging on the wall crashed to the ground with a sickening smack that reminded Kara of the snapping of small, fragile bones.
She ran to her boyfriend, and clung to him. Amazed by his speed of getting there, she held him close to her, crying onto his broad shoulder. He would help her, save her from the bad thing that wanted to hurt her. She had seen him do it before, he would do it again, tonight.
Grabbing her hand, he looked into her eyes thoughtfully, and whispered, “I’m here. No need to worry anymore, Kara.” The soft touch of his reassuring breath murmuring in her ear made all the worries melt away, until the vase cracked.
Splitting from the force of the blow, glass from the antique vase flew around them. Cutting parts of her arm, Kara ignored the stinging as she anxiously watched her boyfriend walk down the pitch black passageway.
Following timidly, Kara plodded her way up the corridor in complete fear. If he didn’t help, they would both die there. The thing would cut them to pieces; killing them slowly to make sure they felt as much pain as possible just to torture them more. At least they would be dying together, Kara considered.
Stopping in the middle of her bedroom, he looked at her with complete love. She knew this was it, and they were meant to be her together. While watching him, the door suddenly banged shut behind them. Kara ran to it, trying to get the heavy wooden door open. Only she couldn’t, it was locked.
Turning to him in fear, Kara’s eyes danced with complete sorrow. This is it, she thought, this is how I will die, this is how he will die. But as she gazed into his eyes, they suddenly became cold, the pupil dilating with increasing speed, the icy blue color of his eyes turning black in a second.
Then, his skin began falling away from his face like withered leaves being blown from their home branches in fall. Flecks fell to the floor, revealing pale white skin underneath, scars on only the left side of his face.
Kara gasped, she knew this face. It was that thing, that thing wanting to hurt her, but why had it just appeared in the place of her boyfriends face? It made no sense, he had not wanted to hurt her; he had come to save her.
Closing in on her, he smirked as he watched to horror cross her beautiful face. Licking his lips, he dreamed about the kill, how wondrous it would be. “Goodbye Kara,” he breathed his voice hard with no feeling …



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This article has 17 comments.


on Aug. 16 2011 at 9:33 am
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thank you! I've never seen that movie so I wouldn't know(: Haha!
Oh! And thank you for the corrections. Things like that I always overlook, because you know what it's supposed to say!

on Aug. 13 2011 at 9:33 pm
musicispassion PLATINUM, Perris, California
35 articles 0 photos 735 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Life is never easy for those who dream."
There are so many other quotes i need pages to write them

great suspense i liked it parts of it reminded me of paranormal activity though one other thing u wrote" meant to be her together" her should be here other than that great work keep writing :P

on Jul. 30 2011 at 11:33 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

But thank you!

on Jul. 30 2011 at 11:29 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Why yes... I do(: I also like other things as well, those are just my fav :D

Yeahh, maybe you're just tuned in to that sort of thing(:

on Jul. 30 2011 at 7:31 pm
DaylightDarkness SILVER, Littleton, Colorado
9 articles 0 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone's crazy. You know why? We all want to be normal. Well, we cant define normal, and, the people you can point at and say, well isn't he/she normal are rare. Doesnt that kind of defeat the pupose of normal? -My Friend

you really like suspense and horror dont you? lol- Anyway, very nice. I sorta saw the ending coming, but other than that, great job!

on Jul. 22 2011 at 6:31 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thank you so much! :D

Kailey4 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 22 2011 at 11:23 am
Kailey4 BRONZE, Simpsonville, South Carolina
4 articles 3 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Né io pitorre" - Michelangelo

Thats very well written and I hope that you will write more!!

on Jul. 22 2011 at 10:54 am
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

It was here boyfriend all along, and thanks! :D

on Jul. 22 2011 at 8:05 am
billgamesh11 BRONZE, Grafton, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's always darkest before the dawn." ~Florence and the Machine

Yes! Please do!!! And I really liked this article, but I am confused... Is the bad thing her boyfriend or did it just disguise itself like her boyfriend? But still, the skin falling away from his face was a really creative event! Can't wait for the sequel!!!:):):);)

on Jul. 20 2011 at 9:30 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thanks! I guess a lot of people do! :D

on Jul. 18 2011 at 10:02 pm
whitstar27 GOLD, Edison, New Jersey
15 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
when life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then step back and let the world wonder how you did it
and
when life gives you lemon, throw them back at life

Nice! I'd love to see what's happening next

on Jul. 17 2011 at 10:08 am
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thankk you! If you want, you can look at some of my other stuff(:
And since some people seem they wantto know what happens next, I might have to write a sequel:D 

on Jul. 16 2011 at 11:21 pm
writeamongthestars BRONZE, Portland, Oregon
4 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Laughter is timeless. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever." - Walt Disney Company

What happens next?? Wow, this is really good. :D

on Jul. 16 2011 at 1:04 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thank you so much! I'm glad my piece was suspenseful! :D

Megan.J.B said...
on Jul. 16 2011 at 9:22 am
Megan.J.B, Sault Ste Marie, Other
0 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Here's the real truth. There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders. You, me? We're exceptional."
- Green Goblin. :)

Very well done :). I found quite a few puzzling grammatical errors, but you can't really change that now anyways, so no point in dwelling :). But what I really wanted to point out is your fantastic use of suspense, that's a very special gift in writing and one that I can see you possess! Well done.

on Jul. 15 2011 at 8:17 pm
Delictious GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
16 articles 5 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would like to be remembered as a woman who did the best she could with the talent she had."

Thank you! And I'm not a very good proofreader... I really should have someone do that for me(: Thanks for pointing it out! I never thought too continue, but maybe I should go back and take a look(:

on Jul. 15 2011 at 7:45 pm
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

Are you going to continue this??? Because I would totally love to see what happens next!!! This is really good. I spotted a few mistakes, like in the sixth paragraph (I think), where you wrote "The lights shut of completely"--maybe you missed the extra "f" for "off". And there were one or two others, but I can't find them now. Other than that, your description is good, and the plot is very engaging. Keep going. You're leaving me in suspense! 


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