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My Name Is Alice
My name is Alice. I am nearly eighteen years of age and have one elder sister, Madison. She is married and has her first child on the way. I hate the little demon inside her already and she is not but five weeks along.
Madison and I are very close in acquaintance. Well, we were until I found out she is with child. She noticed that I’ve been cold towards her of late. “What has gotten into you, dear child?” she asked me one week back. Of course, being childish, I ran away from her. I suppose it was because of our sisterhood that I am mad now. It started the day April showers brought May flowers, three weeks ago exactly.
My mother used to call me her little flower girl. Lately, though, she has been telling her friends at tea parties that she always knew I was a bad seed. Of course, with mothers’ hopes, there’s nothing they will do to try and change their fears. Mother never tells me her dark secrets for fear of them coming true. Women have a tendency to keep things bottled up. I’m a woman now, in that sense. I don’t talk to Mother or Father anymore anyway. Nor do I talk to Madison. I am in no need of them.
Madison came to me one day, seeking an adventure. “I miss my dear sister,” she had said. This was while we were still friends, of course. “Come with me, Alice. Let us explore the world.” Such a fool I was to follow.
She brought me to a beautiful land with trees and grass surrounding us. The sun was shining brightly in the air, as if to say, “Live on, little ones.” That was the last day I knew of true beauty.
Madison and I lay in the grass, looking up at the sky, trying to make real images out of the clouds. She pointed at one fluffy one and said, “Alice, do you see that one? It looks like an elephant.” She then giggled like an idiot but I didn’t have a care. I was with my sister and we were at peace, lying there in that grass. But then she spoiled everything. She turned to me, “Alice, I am with child,” she said simply. I said nothing, just continued to stare at the clouds in false hope. “Turn into a monster and gobble me up,” I wished.
“Alice, did you hear me?”
“Aren’t you happy?” Silence. “Alice, this is exciting news! You will be a marvelous aunt, I know it!” I continued to say nothing. When would my wish come true? “Alice, you can’t possibly be upset.”
“Madison, please hush. Your voice is like a buzzing in my ear and nothing more than that.” She was shocked into silence. Why was I so cruel? I heard a voice then but it wasn’t from my sister.
“Oh dear. I’m late. I’m late, I’m late! Oh me, oh my! I’m horribly late!” I turned to a lone tree then. It seemed to be coming from that giant willow. A tree, talking? How perfectly insane! But there it was again!
“She’ll have my head! I know it!”
“How odd,” I thought to myself and leaped to my feet. I ran to the willow and there was a white rabbit, wearing a suit and holding a pocket watch. Rubbing my eyes, I reminded myself that rabbits didn’t wear clothes or tell time. But the rabbit was still there! He spoke again, “I must hurry!” and he dashed down a hole at the base of the tree. My curiosity was peaking by then and I followed the rabbit. I was falling then. Or was I? Time and space seemed to stop altogether. There was no here or now but I was here and I was falling now. But was it really falling? I noticed the walls of dirt were actually made of everyday objects, yet everything was cruel and twisted. There was what I thought to be a calendar and a paintbrush, a flowerpot and bookshelf. And there goes a clock! I try to read it but it seems to have melted. Where was I? Who was I? ‘My name is Alice, that’s right. Now, what was I doing? There was a tree, yes. And a rabbit, oh yes! But what else? Why was there a rabbit and why was there a tree? Oh, for the sake of everything unholy, who am I again?’ That’s when I hit the bottom, I suppose. Though, I don’t really remember what I hit the bottom of. I saw the rabbit again. Wait, there was a rabbit? I don’t remember remembering a rabbit? But the thought was suddenly pushed from my mind. All I could think about was how that rabbit was mad and so was I. His face twisted into something cruel and terrifying. He was looking at me as if I was too much for this world I had just discovered. I knew right then he was after blood, my blood.
“Come here, my pretty,” he said then. He grew larger, his teeth showing and the crave for blood was ever present in his facial features. As I backed away, the rabbit grew larger. What was this creature? It came ever closer. I blacked out then. I hit the floor and was gone. When I awakened, my head was pounding. There was something eerie about the place I was in, though I don’t quite remember where I was. There was a dripping. Mice and rats were crawling all over my dress. I wasn’t dead. But how could I possibly still be alive? I looked down and saw I was covered in a dark red substance. The metallic smell of it told me everything I needed to know. I looked at my hands. Blood. I looked to the floor. There was a puddle of more blood and a trail of it that went to the side. I followed it with my eyes and felt myself become sick. Everything twisted again then. The darkness consumed me and my mind and thoughts became a shadow of fear, of terror, of obsession with murder and paranoia of what had happened and what could happen. I needed to leave now.
I walked until I felt my bones would snap. I walked until there was nowhere else to walk. I had come across a dark and glorious room by that time. There were velvet curtains everywhere but they were all torn. There were many doors and they were all locked, all but one. “The small one, of course,” I said to myself and thought of giving up right then. I turned to leave. I was going to go lay down and die. There was no reason to continue on living. My life was done; and then I came across a table. “Funny, that wasn’t there before,” I said aloud. “Queerer and queerer,” I mumbled. The table held a plate of cookies and bottle. There was also a key. “Alas! How fantastic!” I exclaimed. The bottle held a thick, red liquid. It was obvious what it was. “Not more blood,” I grumbled. But I was desperate. I wanted out of this place. “Well, bottoms up, I suppose,” and I downed the whole bottle. I grew. And grew. And continued to grow. “No!” I screamed. “This is not what I wanted!” Tears flew down my face, landing on the ground far below me. The cookies caught my eye. There was a tag attached to the plate. “Poisonous,” it said. “If consumed, you will surely die.” The tears formed at my eyes once more. “Oh, now what will I do?” I took a cookie from the plate. “I’m going to die regardless. At least this way I can enjoy it.” But before I put the edibles in my mouth, I caught sight of what it said. “Cut yourself” it said. I gasped aloud. “How odd!” ‘What would happen if I cut myself?’ I thought. ‘Would it help my position any? It’s worth a shot, I suppose.’ A blade had suddenly appeared on the table. “That will do, I hope,” I said aloud. I picked up the knife, closed my eyes, and sliced open my arm. Blood poured to the floor. It was beautiful the way blood was flowing down my dress. “Like a red waterfall,” I said. The floor took a scary shape beneath me. The blood was swirling around my feet, my body. I was craving the darkness that was yet to come. I felt myself shrinking. I was falling to the sea of blood below. Before I hit the ground, My arms were sore but I loved the feeling. ‘If this is the true feeling of insanity, I’m definitely going to enjoy it,’ I thought to myself. The blood had cleared into a hidden drain in the ground. I ran to the small door and pulled the ripped curtain away from it. Though my hands were shaking violently, I was able to open the door. It swung open in a loud “bang!” and I stood in the doorway, looking at the land that was outstretched before me. There were trees everywhere, broken and jabbing at the sky. They twisted in the heavy fog that surrounded them. The grass was dead and the leaves were a terrible brown. The smell that floated to my nostrils made me sick and left me wanting more. This was my new home.