All I Want for Christmas

April 4, 2011
By SpiderWoman_ThePoet BRONZE, Tucker, Georgia
SpiderWoman_ThePoet BRONZE, Tucker, Georgia
4 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
Hope for the BEST, Expect the WORST.

It was a chilly afternoon in late December when Aunt Carol rocked contently on the porch of her old farmhouse. She watched as her niece, Auri, and her nephew, Alex, played in the frost bitten front yard. Alex and Auri are two years apart. Alex is eight and Auri is six. Auri always does whatever he does because she says she wants to be the girl version of him when she gets older.
Alex and Auri live with their Aunt Carol and their mother, Jenn. Just as any other normal day, Alex and Auri run outside after breakfast is done and the kitchen is clean. Aunt Carol usually goes outside right after the kids to watch them while Jenn is at work. Aunt Carol takes her time getting out to her old rocking chair today. While Aunt Carol is enjoying the beautiful smiles on Alex and Auri’s face, the phone rings from inside. Aunt Carol goes into the house to answer the phone, leaving the children unattended.
About five or six minutes later, Aunt Carol runs to the screen door and yells for Alex and Auri to come in immediately. She has something very important to tell the children. The phone call she received had told her that Alex and Auri’s mother was going to be a little late coming home because her boss is giving her a promotion. There was no response when Aunt Carol called them. So she goes outside fussing and cursing under her breath about how disobedient the children are.
Suddenly, Aunt Carol sees Auri crouched over crying and full of blood. She runs as fast as she can to get to Auri. With a worried voice, she whispers, “Where is Alex?” Auri is crying hysterically as she replied, “They took him!” Aunt Carol looks up to where Auri is pointing and sees a black truck with Alex’s eyes peering out of the back window. The truck starts to drive off as Aunt Carol tries to chase the black truck. She was not able to get up and run fast enough. Aunt Carol scoops Auri up off of the ground and runs her into the house to see what is bleeding. It turns out that Auri had been stabbed in her side numerous times.
Aunt Carol was just about to run Auri up to the hospital when the phone rang again. She stopped and stared at the phone for a few seconds until Auri yelled, “Aunt Carol! The phone is ringing, pick it up!” Aunt Carol jumped and picked the phone up. It was the police on the phone saying that Jenn had just been killed while she was leaving her job to come home. Aunt Carol was devastated when she heard that. She dropped the phone and went to Auri and told her what had just happened to her mother. Auri looked as if she wanted to cry, but just could not. She was gasping for air and holding her side. Aunt Carol rushed her to the hospital.
She received a call on her cell phone when she arrived at the hospital. She answered with a “professional voice” as if nothing was wrong because she did not recognize the number. There was a disguised voice that answered the phone. The voice said, “I know you are looking for Alex and we will give him to you just as soon as we get what we want. Come to the back exit of the hospital to get your nephew.” Aunt Carol helplessly replied, “I’ll give you anything!” The voice said, “I simply want to see you suffer!” Aunt Carol could not believe what she was hearing. The voice had hung up after he said what he wanted.
Aunt Carol quickly stood up and very calmly walked to the back of the hospital. She was looking around for the car and suddenly saw her nephew lying in his own blood. He had two bullet holes in the center of his forehead. Aunt Carol broke down into tears and tried to pick Alex up and take him inside to the doctor. The doctor said that there was absolutely nothing that they could do for him and that he had been dead for at least an hour. Aunt Carol goes back into Auri’s room with blood and tears on her face. When she gets into the room, the nurse slowly looks at Aunt Carol and says, “I am sorry, but she didn’t make it. The wounds were too severe.” The nurse was still talking, but Aunt Carol just turns and walks out of the hospital room and goes to her car. She drives home and lies in her bed very still and quiet. She eventually dozed off. When she woke up, she went outside and sat in her rocking chair on the porch of the old farmhouse as if nothing ever happened.
All of this has led up to Christmas. So Aunt Carol goes into the house and writes her note to Santa Claus. Her note says, “All I want for Christmas is to be with my family.” She did not put an address on the envelope, but she did put it in the mailbox.
On Christmas day, Aunt Carol hears a knock on the door. She goes to the door and opens it. There is a man at her door, wearing a Santa suit. He says, “Hey Carol. Can I Come in?” She replies, “Do I know you sir?” He says,”Well of course. It is me, your uncle, Henry.” Aunt Carol says, “Oh yes, I remember now,” knowing that she has no idea who Uncle Henry is. “Come on in!” This unknown man walked in the house as if he had been there before and went straight to the couch. “Would you like anything to eat or drink,” said Aunt Carol. “I am fine,” said Uncle Henry. “I just came to give you one of your Christmas presents from the family.” As Aunt Carol turns around to fix the pillow for her to sit, Uncle Henry pulls out a gun and holds it to Aunt Carol’s head and says, “Merry Christmas Carol!”

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This article has 2 comments.

AmySeldom said...
on Jun. 20 2011 at 1:46 am
AmySeldom, Bonogin, Other
0 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing."
-Helen Keller

Really good.....however reallllllllly creep, but it is the thriller section.......unexpected ending, plz make sure you write more!!!! :)

Hover BRONZE said...
on Apr. 20 2011 at 12:28 pm
Hover BRONZE, Mukwonago, Wisconsin
2 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sophistication isn't what you wear or who you know
Or pushing people down to get you where you wanna go
They didn't teach you that in prep school, so it's up to me,
But no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity.
~Taylor Swift
*Defy Gravity!*

Eek! Wow that's really scary. I was getting goosebumps at the end!

The only problem I could see was that your verb tense changed a little bit here and there from past to present. You also might want to check your punctuation right at the end, and cut it into smaller paragraphs for easier reading.

But altogether this was a really good piece of writing!

P.S. Would you mind checking out some of my work? :)

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