Through the devil's eyes, chapter one

February 27, 2011
By Jayanna SILVER, Quebec, Other
Jayanna SILVER, Quebec, Other
7 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Well behaved women rarely make history,

Everything happens for a reason


“Listen to me, Mary-Jane” the sly voice in the auburn girl’s ear.
“Come with me” he played with her curls. “ We could reestablish a whole new life . A new way of living.” He slid to the other side of her in a smooth way, sticking out his tongue to her in a seductive way. The girl grew tense. He ran his fingers up her neck reaching her jawbone until he whispered some more.
“I know you want to. I can feel it. Imagine all we could do. You could live forever, with me…” his temping proposal lingered. His voice trailed off leaving the girl confused and scared. Her breath was started to be hard to control. Her heart was racing . His face approached hers and stopped only inches from hers. His hard cold white skin and icy breath made her dizzy. Suddenly she started feeling sick. She could hardly see and hear. Everything was spinning around her. She couldn’t breath. She felt like she was about to collapse, and before she did there was a picture stamped in her mind. The devil’s eyes.
***
“Mom! I’m telling you! It was the devil himself! C’mon who has red eyes like that?! I’m telling you, it was him!” Mary-Jane Baker exclaimed in the kitchen the next morning.
“ Oh stop it with your non sense and get ready for school your bus will be passing in 10 minutes” Mrs. Baker said, refusing her daughter’s cries of help.
She started cleaning the counter and filling the dishwasher as her daughter finished eating.
“ Why can’t you just believe me? I know you do but you just won’t admit it!”
“Who are you to tell me what to believe? And furthermore Mary-Jane, you know just as much as me that they’re just foolish nightmares!”
“Stop saying that! Stop it! They aren’t just nightmares! They’re real and I know it!” And with that Mary-Jane left off, stomping in anger.

***
“ Are you okay M-J?” Mary-Jane’s best friend asked when she arrived at school.
“ My mom doesn’t get it! It’s like she refuses to believe anything that might not be perfect!”
“ Your dreams?”
She nodded.
“Don’t worry, I believe you” Her bf said pulling Mary-Jane’s hair back.
“Hey guys!” Everyone turned around to see Cassie Anderson, their friend too.
“Oh honey what’s wrong?” She quickly rushed to her friend’s side. “ Are you having nightmares again?” M-J nodded once more.
“C’Mon,” Mandy, Mary-Jane’s red headed best friend said. “ Let’s get to class.”
***
“So what was your dream? I mean was it scary or…”
“ Well… it felt as if I really was there. I remember how I felt sick in my dream and then I woke up and I almost puked. I mean look at my bags! I haven’t been sleeping for over 3 days! How can my mom not believe me?!”
Both of her friends shook their heads.
“Um…M-J …” Cassie started. “ I don’t wanna be rude or insulting but how about you go see a psychiatrist.”
“Are you telling me that I’ am mental? That I am nuts? So you don’t believe me either!” Mary-Jane’s anger was flaring, just like Mandy’s hair.
“ I’m saying you need help! That’s all! Geeze I am only trying to help,”
Mary-Jane left.
“What’s with her? Insulting me.”
“Cass, she hasn’t slept for 3 days,”
“Yeah, but still” They entered the classroom and the bell rang.

***
“ You came back to see me , didn’t you?” The man said far way, looking at Mary-Jane.
“You look just someone I once knew, oh very very long time ago.” Mary-Jane tried looking back but the man rushed to her side.
“You’re a very pretty girl.” He placed his long pale finger on his chin and said. “Have you thought about my proposal last night? Have you told anyone about me?” Mary-Jane refused to speak. He slid his long finger on her jawbone, he seemed to like doing that. “ Am I a secret to your friends and family? He whispered. Even though he was only inches from her face she couldn’t , for some reason, see his eyes. Of course they were there but they were like in her mind. Mary-Jane closed her eyes and heard the man speak from behind her, far far away. He reminded her as a snake, The way he moved and spoke.
“Why are you not talking Mary-Jane?” He yelled from far. “ Have you even thought about me?” Next thing you knew he was breathing on her neck.
“ Do you know what I want from you?” She nodded, fearfully. She felt him breath on her neck once more but on the other side of her. “You” he answered and he was back facing her again. His hard cold skin and icy breath , only inches from her trembling face. Her was dizzy again and she felt sick. Her stomach turned and her stamped memory came back to her.

“ Miss Baker, Miss Baker, Are you okay? Don’t sleep in class. Miss Bak-“
And she rushed out of the class. Outside in the hallway, she sat down, panting hard. Still a bit off put. The only word in her head was you and the only picture in her mind were his eyes.


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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 6 comments.


on Apr. 7 2011 at 6:28 pm
Nikiblue PLATINUM, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
20 articles 0 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Stupid Is As Stupid Does." -Forest Gump (;
"No one who achieves success does so without the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude."

I think it has potential to be a really good story, but a lot of it seemed very choppy. I would try adding more detail and not being so cut-dry with the scenes. There were a couple gramatical mistakes as well. But overall it was a good start.

Jayanna SILVER said...
on Mar. 11 2011 at 5:32 pm
Jayanna SILVER, Quebec, Other
7 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Well behaved women rarely make history,

Everything happens for a reason

haha thanks okay thne :P I'll write more :)

on Mar. 11 2011 at 5:20 pm
shawnrbliss SILVER, Watkins Glen, New York
6 articles 0 photos 11 comments
hmmmm I'm very intrigued.... I expect to read more.... soon.... very soon, hahaha :)

Jayanna SILVER said...
on Mar. 6 2011 at 9:39 pm
Jayanna SILVER, Quebec, Other
7 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Well behaved women rarely make history,

Everything happens for a reason

yeah sure :P

on Mar. 6 2011 at 11:44 am
GabrielB BRONZE, Pacific Grove, California
2 articles 2 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
You were my fire, so I burned, till there was nothing left of me.

do you think you can read some of my stuff? I would like very much to get feedback on it.

on Mar. 3 2011 at 5:51 pm
GabrielB BRONZE, Pacific Grove, California
2 articles 2 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
You were my fire, so I burned, till there was nothing left of me.

Cool idea, definately keep writing it!!




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