They think I’m crazy. And I tell you that I am not crazy. Yes I call the police station a lot, but that’s just because I care about myself and my neighbors. It’s not like they care about me. On Saturday I even baked a fruit cake and gave it to the Jensens, but what did they do?! I saw them an hour later throw it out, no respect for the elderly I tell you. It’s not like when I was a girl, I looked up to my grandmother for wisdom and advice, and things have sure changed since then. So as I was saying I’m not crazy, but since last night I’m positive everybody thinks I am. Here is what happened.
There I was sitting down knitting my daughter a lovely maroon sweater, watching Wheel of Fortune, when I looked out the window. Outside there was a lovely baby deer lying on my back lawn. Now I walked over to the window and saw that it wasn’t moving. Now of course I was worried, I didn’t want a dead deer in my yard, which would be just unsanitary. And coyotes could come! What would I do if they ate Mrs. Wiskersens? So I gathered my senses and dialed 911.
“911 what is your emergency?” the operator said.
“Yes hello,” I stated, “this is Mrs. Smith from Magnolia court and I have another emergency.”
“Mrs. Smith what could it possibly this time. I can assure you that an astronaut is not trying to break into your house.”
“Look my son was dressed exactly like an astronaut and he didn’t have a key, but that isn’t why I am calling. There is a dead deer on my lawn and I want it gone. Please send an officer immediately.”
“Okay, fine Officer Green is on his way.”
I hung up the phone and went back to my show and knitting. Ten minutes later officer green pulled up. I said hello and lead him out to the back yard. We get up to the wounded deer. Now I had forgotten my glasses in the house, and my eyesight isn’t where it used to be. I stood a few feet away while he expected it.
“Umm…Mrs. Smith I don’t know how to tell you this, but this isn’t a deer.”
“What do you mean, what animal is it then.”
“This isn’t an animal at all; in fact it’s a deflated red dinosaur balloon that has landed in your yard so…”