Harvest Moon This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

January 20, 2011
It was a cool Friday evening, the weather was changing, the leaves were falling, and fall was coming. The wind swirled around me playing with me hair and lifting it off my neck. The harvest moon shone bright upon me from its high place in the sky as I made my way home on the quiet Friday night.
I knew something was wrong when I reached my house and all the lights were off; a shiver went down my spine, but I ignored it assuming my parents went out to dinner. I entered the house and immediately reached for the closest light switch but the lights did not come on. Using my phone as a source of light I quickly went through all the room flipping switches, but no lights came on. This did not worry me though, there had been a horrible storm this afternoon and I merely assumed there was a branch on the power lines.
So continuing to use my phone as a flashlight, I proceeded to the garage where my parents kept our dogs when we weren’t home. I opened the door to let them out, but they did not come. I called, and called, and called again, but no dogs appeared. This slightly worried me, there’s no telling what kind of mischief they could get into running loose. The garage was very dark; no light seeped through the windows. I was making my way through by touch when I encountered something rather large; it didn’t take me long to figure out it was my parents’ car. This confused me greatly, but never the less I continued stumbling my way through the darkness, danger was far from my mind.
Once outside, the wind blew shrilly around me; the chilled breeze bit my skin. I called again for my dogs, but they still did not come. I decided to call for my parents, thinking they were simply outside trying to determine the cause of the power outage. I called to them but they did not answer. An eerie feeling came over me now. A chill moved down my spine and I shook, suddenly feeling anxious, nervous, scared.
Clouds moved through the sky and blocked the bright moon from my site. I began cautiously making my way around the outside of my house, still thinking, hoping my parents were out here somewhere. I had made almost a full circle around my house when I happened to trip on something. It was much too dark to see so pushing myself off the ground I retrieved my cell phone and pointed it towards the ground shinning its light on my shoes, and I saw that they were covered in some kinda of red goo; it was then that I noticed the ground was also soaked, and it was then that I saw what had actually tripped me; I dropped my phone and ran leaving the furry bodies lying on the ground.
I ran throughout the dark stumbling over fallen branches, my whole body was shaking, my breath was coming in gasps, and my heart was pounding. I had no idea where I was going, I just wanted to get away; I was almost to the safety of the concealing forest when out of the darkness a hand grabbed the hood of my jacket.





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IntrepidRose This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 25, 2011 at 1:23 pm

In the first three sentences you tell the reader twice that it's a friday night. Is that necessary? Perhaps you should drop the last few words of the third sentence.

 

What's on her mind as she searches through the house? Maybe add some more personal thoughts than just about lighting and thunderstorms. Where is she coming from?

 
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