“If we don’t have a problem causing distress in our lives, We will create one. If we don’t have a past event that haunts our mind, we will imagine one. If we can’t understand why our lives are just too normal, we gravitate towards creating a devil that tears up our mind and soul.”
“So you are saying..You did it to cause turmoil?”
“Turmoil in my inner mind, yes. But turmoil in the lives of the people it effected…no. I am a kind man, I never wanted to hurt anyone, I just wanted people to think that I am sick.”
“But…you had to know, that what you were doing would hurt other people.”
“Listen; When you were younger, you said something to make people sympathize with you. One night at a slumber party, you came out with your deepest darkest secret; your dad hit your mom every night. Of course you knew it was a lie, but when those friends of yours comforted you, didn’t you just fall in love with that feeling? But then, things became different. Your friends would come over, and they would glare at your loving father. They would never forgive the poor innocent man for what he did not do. And that’s when you realized you did something wrong- you caused hatred and chaos where it wasn’t needed.”
“But…you killed someone. You killed a little girl and caused grief to her family."
“Yes, I was selfish. I craved judgment, everyone does-whether it is good or bad, it is better than being nothing. Flipping through the paper in the morning, your first emotions having to do with the people in these headlines are sadness, pity, remorse for those ill-fated people. But then, a guilty thought escapes the depths of your mind; how lucky. Like a virus, this culpable thought grows and grows, until there is no escaping it. How Lucky they are, to be pitied by everyone who picks up this newspaper and reads this headline. Jealousy of the lives of the cursed- doesn't seem like such an odd thought when you dwell on it."
"Unlike you, my thoughts dwell on more positive things. I look up to kind people, because they are our heroes. People don’t have to be evil or cursed to be noticed. I prefer to look at the good."
"Of course you would say that. You are a psychologist, meant to help people- no matter how truly fake the euphoric ideas you drill into our minds are, your job is to give people that sense of acceptance. But I- I am a sick man, a killer- and I know the world. Oh how lovely it is to feel joy and inner peace, but it is almost impossible to feel it all the time. That emotional roller coaster…makes us sick to our stomach. So, it is much easier to feel sadness and remorse than ecstasy. That’s why people are addicted to sadness. We crave depression more than we crave any drug, and we will go through great lengths to find it."
" You killed a child, and you are trying to justify your behavior? Murder can never be justified."
" Yes, I killed her. I will repeat it a million times- I killed her, I killed her, I killed her. But, now that I have killed, oh how I would love to be on the other side of the spectrum- the one killed, not the killer. It almost brings a feeling of ill happiness."
"And lucky you, you got what you wanted. Your executioner will be here shortly. You will get what you gave that girl in return- her killer will be out of this world forever."
"Oh yes, my execution. Tell me one thing before I die- will you be sad for my death?"
"No- never in a million years will I give you the pity you craved. But I sympathize with you, almost to the point of-- of--never mind."
"To the point of jealousy towards me- ah yes, the cycle begins again. Well, this is goodbye. When that venom is injected into me, I will breathe my last breath with a smile on my face; The first and last genuine smile that I will ever have. Thank you."