The Taxi Tragedy

September 21, 2010
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The stench in the dirty, filthy cab was disgusting. He could hardly breathe a gulp of air but he tried.

“What happened?” he tried to cough out

“Where am I?”
The people on the outside were panicking trying to find away to get the passengers trapped in the three cabs who are trapped underneath the debris of what they once traveled in. This is the stories of their lives and how they got into these death traps:

Jonathon Loserian woke up one day feeling strange, he had a dream that night that disturbed him; both of his children were dying in a burning building and he was tied to a tree on the outside watching, unable to do anything but watch as his only two children yelling and crying for daddy while they were perishing in the ash filled skyscraper. Jonathon had to shake it off though; he is late for his second job as a taxi driver. He already was behind on his mortgage and barely paying child support just so his children could spend all their time with their mother. Jon’s first job was a flight assistant but, since the divorce there wasn’t enough of his money to go around. Jonathon lives in his “bachelor’s pad” by himself and he’s always lonely. Anyway, Jonathon made his way to his faded yellow cab and patrolled his normal spot for people waving there hands or doing other gestures implying they need a cab. Just like if he was some pervert looking for an escort in exchange for 2 dollars a minute. He finally pulled over his vessel and picked up a normal looking man dressed in a big heavy coat, holding a briefcase in one hand and a newspaper in the other.

“Twin Towers Please”

“What can we do?” asked the anxious cop intensely

“Well, if we send in our robot, we can plot out a course for them to escape” replied the dork assistant in a dorky manner

“Do it, then” said the cop

“Well we haven’t really created the robot yet” said the squint

“Do it! Now!”

“Yes Sir!” he said cowardly

He was a psychotic man; he couldn’t keep a job because of it. The only job he could keep was a taxi driver. He didn’t trust the world, he believed in secret societies and everyone who road in his car were out to get him or trying to spy or bug his car. He even believed his name: Sydney Perkez was dreamed up by his parents just to make him miserable. Sydney’s normal day was waking up, devouring his breakfast and heading out for his normal routine. After work, he would have dinner with his overly ugly and broke girlfriend, Brittany Bigbass. It was the only girl who at least pretended to like him she was actually a cheating gold digger. But, right now everything was fine between them Sydney didn’t expect anything. One day, today Sydney woke up, took a shower and headed off to work. His first couple of people he picked up was patted down first by him of course and after finding nothing he let them in his car. It was right before lunch time when he picked up an intense looking man wearing a suit and tie. This time Sydney attempted to pat him down.

“Excuse Me! Get your hands off of me!” shouted the burly man. Sydney backed off and allowed him entrance to his car.

“Twin Towers Please” said the enormous man

“Are the robots ready yet” asked the anxious cop pleasantly

“No sir, we are still trying to program them” replied the dork in a scared way

“Arghh, that’s it, send divers into cab 1 and cab 2 IMMEDIATELY!”

“Yes sir” whaled the dork in a scared and dorky way

The third and last cab driver is named Suzanne Sermon. Suzie had a problem with food. Every time she looked in the mirror she thought she saw an oversized woman looking back at her. In reality she was a very skinny woman who was moderately tall and had very pasty skin. The only job she could find after she was fired from her first job a lean cuisine meal tester was of course as a taxi driver. She was fired from her first job because one day the manager found her locked in storage closet in fetal position chanting “You are not fat, you are not” to herself. On her pink slip the manager, who was actually fat, wrote “You’re seriously not fat”. So Suzie found this job in the classified; “Taxi Cab Drivers wanted”. One day Suzie did her normal rounds of picking and dropping off people when lunchtime came around. Suzie had a bad day since; a toddler riding with her mother spit gum in her hair, a fellow anorexia person called her fat, and her boyfriend broke up with her over the phone. So, to cheer her up, Suzie picked up an “overweight” person on purpose just to amuse herself. She pulled over in a sloppy way because she didn’t have any coffee that morning and she was tired and allowed the “big boned” woman entrance. She was dressed oddly; she had a crazy skirt on, fish nets, and red and purple horizontally striped blouse on.

“Twin Towers, Please” she asked in a polite but rude at the same time voice

“Were are the drivers?” the cop asked demandingly

“Umm, they were unsuccessful, umm” replied the darkish looking man

“What do you mean they were unsuccessful?”

“They couldn’t find the people in the wreckage of the 3 cabs”

“There are 6 people in the debris of 3 cars and you’re telling me that they can’t find 4 of them? Unacceptable! How are the robots coming?

“They’re complete sir”

“Good, send them in IMMEDIATELY!”

He was a rich man didn’t care much about family didn’t have much for that matter. Every other way he was either rich or spoiled. Most of his time throughout his normal day was spent doing nothing and nothing. He didn’t even earn the money it was just on his inheritance check addressed to Charlie Brock 2nd and he willing accepted the multimillion dollar check his generous father gave to him. The day of the accident though, he had a peculiar stop he had to make on his agenda; to his father’s lawyer. You see, his father didn’t give him all his money in one large sum; he had payments made to his account every month. But, this time he went to his father’s for a very special reason. One of his only sisters was protesting the will and that day he found out that day the ruling was for his sister and everything he owned would be repossessed. That’s why he took the cab, he’d never been in a cab before. He’d seen all the movies and TV shows. From them he’d learn that your suppose to just yell out where you’re going and put please after it. By the way he was heading to the famous twin towers to say goodbye to his money, literally he was very close to his money it was one of the only things he loved. After he got into the car and announced where he was going like he was proud of it or something the ride didn’t go very well:

“So how you doin” asked Jonathon

“Horrible, I just lost my millions” whined Charlie

“Ha, you serious”

“Yep I don’t have a penny to my name now”

“I wish I had that, I’m divorced and have to take a second job just to make rent and child support” Jonathon was now paying more attention to the ex-millionare in his cab.

“Bang!!!” There’s nothing but black

“Where are the six survivors?” asked the nerd violently

“Umm, They have pulled out one of the victims from cab one sir, Jonathon Umm Los-Loserian Sir”

“Good, where’s the other victim Charlie Brock?”

“He was umm, dead when the robot finally got to him sir”

“Then where’s the body?”

“Umm, they were unable to pull him out because there was a briefcase in the way”

“What was in the briefcase then”

“We determined there were hundred dollar bills in the briefcase”

“So where are all the other victims, Dead?”

“No sir, the robots are close to victory on the 2nd cab and still working on the 3rd now”


His name is Ace, not Ace hardware or ace in a deck but Ace Epps. He was a FBI agent; special agent is the proper term. He was husky, gargantuan and muscular as the girls call it. He had a big family, filled with brothers and sisters and daughters and sons. It was like a tradition in his family, everyone would have at least 4 kids, and he had 3 and a wife who was 8 months pregnant. He liked to work big cases and usually did. The day of the accident he’d just got a lead on a big case; a local bakery had been involved in a major drug scandal. He’d enter the cab to get the twin towers so he could tell his boss about his major lead. But before he could even get there he had an interesting conversation with his cab driver, Sydney:

“Why the h*ll did you just try to pat me down?” asked Ace

“I was checking for bugs man”


“Ya, you know how the man is watching us man”

“You’re crazy”

“Said the FBI agent, they probably got you brainwashed or something man”

“No, no, no, I’m a family involved man, my mind is clear no one would wanna go through my life”

“That’s exactly what a brain washed man would say”

“N…” before he could respond

“Bang!!!” There’s nothing but back

“Umm sir” said the nerd

“Yes” the cop asked intensly

“The robot was able to pull out one of the victims in cab 2”

“Yes, only one survived”

“Which one then?” he yelled

“Umm, Syd… Sydney Perkez” he replied cautiously

“And what about cab three?” he yelled again

“Almost there sir.” The nerd said while stepping back

“Have you found the cause of the accident yet it’s been 3 hours?” the cop asked impatiently

“Yes sir, the cause of the accident is…”

The last victim was fat. Her name was Latoya. There’s no way to say it nicely she was fat and she knew it. She made a living as a prostitute. Once she was a very intelligent young woman but made one bad mistake after another and ended up as a living on the street and making a living by sleeping around. When she was younger her mother gave up on her and ever since then she’s been making wrong decisions; drugs, alcohol, and prostituting. That’s actually why she got into that cab in the first place she heard there was a bakery in a alley next to the twin towers that sold drugs, cheap drugs. Before she had a very controversial conversation with her cab driver:

“Ok” said Suzie while cracking up at the same time

“What’s funny toothpick” she replied rudely

“Nothing, oh nothing”

“What, you got something to say because I’ve got boobs and you don’t?”

“No, I’m not jealous of fat people” As soon as Suzie finished her sentence she felt a big fist smacked up against her face, causing to run the red light and run into cab 1 and two.

“I see, a blow from the back distracted the driver of cab 3 causing the accident.” Said the cop

“Yes Sir”

“So, where are the victims of cab 3”

“Again sir we were only able to save one of the victims in cab 3, Latoya, last name uknown”

“I see”

“But sir the victim was holding something”

“Yes what is it”

“It looks like a positive birth control test”

“So Latoya was pregnant?”

“No sir, DNA says, the owner was white”

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