August 3, 2010
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The red slash was zooming by around the perimeter of the sphere that was located around me. It was going by so, so fast. I tried to concentrate on where it was but it was too, too fast. When I looked at it, it was like there was a tornado staring in my head. It was, ever so, pretty. It went by so fast, that I never even got to see it. All I wanted to do was touch it. Its softness was longing for my hands to press on to it. It was so beautiful. I couldn’t stand just watching it. I had to feel it. Very, very, slowly I reached my hands. I didn’t want to get the red slash mad. I hated when it would get mad. It was so lovely; all I wanted to do was have my hands around it. I walked quietly, very, very, very quietly, and I gasped. I was so close. My hands stumbled around. They shook of excitement, when I was very up close. You could not have imagined how much joy was in this red slash.
I gently, reached out and grabbed the red slash. It turned into a ribbon. A very long ribbon. A red ribbon. The silkiness was so soothing on my torn cuticles. It was so comforting. I wish I always got to hold this beautiful red silk. I put my other hand tenderly onto the ribbon. My heart felt like it was walking down stairs while the smell of candy surrounded me. The ribbon lay in between my finger. I moved my finger around, ever so, slightly not wanting to upset the ribbon. I didn’t want to make it mad. I really didn’t.
Then my finger got stuck. I tried not to panic, I really did. I tried a lot, but I just couldn’t untangle it. I didn’t mean for it to rip. I swear I didn’t mean it. It was just a mistake. The wetness from my cheeks turned into salt as they hit the floor. One fell onto the red ribbon and the ribbon turned into the slash, round and round the circle. I didn’t mean for it to happen. All I wanted was to feel the red ribbon. I promise you; that's all I wanted.
I closed my eyes, to not see the next step. I hated seeing the next part. I didn’t mean to, honest.
I counted like Dad always told me to do when I was scared.
“Just close your eyes and count. Your Mum will never find out,” he’d always say. I always did what he said. I never wanted to feel the pain. I didn’t want to feel it now.

“One, two, three, four….” I counted as my eyes shut. I pushed them down so hard that it made my eyes hurt.

I didn’t move, my eyes still closed but I couldn’t hear the red slash zooming in circles. The hard part was over. I didn’t have to see the real him.

When I opened my eyes, he was standing there. The beautiful red slash turned into a fabric. It was wrapped all around his body so he couldn’t be recognizable to me. I smiled at the beautiful man. He looked so, so, nice. So nice that he might even want to hold hands. Maybe we could. I licked my lip because his beauty made them dry.
The man turned into a ribbon again. I knew I shouldn’t have done what I did. I didn’t mean to get him mad. I really didn’t. Why do I always have to ruin everything?
“Damn it, Michael I TOLD you not to do that.” I heard his voice, but his body disappeared. The fabric turned back into the ribbon. All I could hear was the mans screams.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“You want the ribbon. Huh? You want to touch it? Well here. You really will be sorry now”
I’m so stupid. Why did I have to touch the ribbon? Why did it have to look so pretty? I put my head down, shut my eyes, and counted. I put my hands up to my face, the way a boxer does. One, two, three, four, I counted. Counted faster, shut my eyes harder. I just wanted it to be over. I didn’t mean to cut the ribbon, honest. All I wanted was to feel its softness. I swear.
When I got to number 500 I finally felt the pain. At 500 I finally felt the ribbon wrappings it’s self around my neck. My hands tried to protect me. The ribbon tried in every way to choke me, but it couldn’t. It was as if water was trying to choke me without hands.
I felt the ribbon slide off of my neck. I could feel the wind from it zooming across my sphere so I opened my eyes. My elbows had blue and purple marks everywhere. My father dead. The ribbon is still there. The ribbon will always be there.

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