The Whisperer

June 13, 2010
By Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott


The door of rotting wood creaked open as I pushed it. Taking a deep breath, I walked up the dark steps, and through the doorway. Just as I stepped into the house, the door slammed shut, the sound echoing throughout the forbidding hallways. The silence that followed throbbed in my ears. A low thud came from upstairs, making me jump. I warily studied the room ahead, made ominous by the darkness inside, before entering it. A grand piano, blanketed in dust dominated the once-grand room. Three sofas and a rocking chair were loosely placed around a grimy, glass table, chipped and cracked from all it had seen. It was too dark to distinguish anything else, but I could see that this was no haunted house; it was simply an old mansion around which senseless tongues wove fantastic tales of horror.
I approached the old piano, wanting to check whether it was well conserved. A sudden breeze raised goose bumps on my skin. Strange, there were no windows in this room, and evenings were never so chilly in July. My steps were too loud as I resumed walking, surely anyone could hear them… or anything. No, no, this is no way to think, I chided myself. But, what was that shadow in the corner? Perhaps a trick of my wildly galloping imagination, or a friend, waiting to jump out and yell “Boo!” Or, a criminal, crouching, awaiting his time. Maybe a gnome, or a ghost, come back from the world of darkness to play a sinister trick. Ha! I thought, that should be saved for Halloween! I was now close enough to the piano that I could reach out and touch it. A single note reached my ears. It wasn’t low, or high, it wasn’t loud, or quiet. But what I knew was that the source of the sound was right next to me. What, but a piano could make that sound? Plus, I was standing right next to one. And, I could swear that I saw a key pressed down, but there was no one in the room except me. Or was there?
“Welcome…” a hardly audible whisper sounding as if the one who was whispering was being choked, broke the silence right by my ear. With a small shriek, I hopped to the side. “Who… who are you?” I stuttered.
“That does not matter to you. Come here…be mine,” the whisperer continued.
“I’m leaving now. Please, I’ll go,” I whispered back, my voice failing to conceal my panic. Quickly, I started to back away, but where before was an empty doorway, was now a wooden door. There were stains on the door, dark stains. No, not stains, but dark, wet rivers. Just before the door shut, the remaining light allowed me to see dark splotches of dark liquid on the piano and previously clean sofas. Blood. The realization chilled my mind. A cold finger touched my face, and all went blank.

The author's comments:
This is only the first part of a story I am working on.

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This article has 53 comments.


on Sep. 11 2010 at 1:46 pm
Caramel_Apple SILVER, Yardley, Pennsylvania
6 articles 0 photos 31 comments
Hi! You posted a comment on my story, Tree of Life, and I'm so glad you liked it. I wanted to give you some feedback on this story! I think it's a great creepy story. This isn't my style but I can appreciate it. I just think that you told us a little too much that maybe the reader could have figured out. It's not a big deal--just for the future you may want to look out for it. The teachers always tell us to show, not tell. But the adjective use was well-used, not overly so but the story was not lacking.

on Sep. 6 2010 at 5:52 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thanks, I plan on describing the character more later, she does not play a very important role in the begining of the story.

I'll read your stories:)


on Sep. 6 2010 at 5:47 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thank you very much!

on Sep. 3 2010 at 4:33 pm
AEAluvsanimals SILVER, Yorba Linda, California
6 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All creatures bleed the same blood. He who spills the blood of any of god's creatures, he spills the blood of man." - Private Journals , Landerath
Dragon's Milk.
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."- Dumbledore
Harry Potter 1

It's a good story so far-gothic and creepy. I wonder who the whisperer is? Only one thing though, I wish I knew more about your main character. Other than that this is really good:)

PLEASE CHECK OUT MY STORIES FAMILY MATTERS AND THE POWER TO CRY! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!


on Sep. 1 2010 at 7:33 pm
DomClaudeFrollo GOLD, Greenville, North Carolina
10 articles 1 photo 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I can't help being a gorgeous fiend... it's just the card I drew."
~ Lestat

Good story so far, very compelling and properly haunting! :) I absolutely adore stories with a good gothic element. ;) I can't wait to go read the others!

on Aug. 30 2010 at 4:58 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thaks, there's more!

sbear406 GOLD said...
on Aug. 24 2010 at 11:19 pm
sbear406 GOLD, Summit, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.
Read more at

wonderfully creepy!!

on Aug. 24 2010 at 1:18 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thank you, I appreciate the advice!

on Aug. 23 2010 at 7:21 pm
czchoslovakian BRONZE, Stoney Creek, Other
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"nothing is so important that you cant leave it behind"

this is really good, very detailed (an awesome thing). and i like how its not impossibly long lol

but i think you used the word dark too many times. its an easy fix, its not a huge deal or anything.


on Aug. 12 2010 at 12:50 pm
Alice_in_Wonderland GOLD, San Clemente, California
16 articles 0 photos 620 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I could give up, I could stay stuck, or I could move on, So I put one foot front of the other, No no no nothing’s gonna break my stride, “ –David Archuleta (The Other Side of Down)

You're very welcome.

on Aug. 10 2010 at 5:25 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thanks! There are two more disappearances posted.

phoenixjv said...
on Aug. 9 2010 at 1:39 pm
Wow, that was a truly haunting tale. Quite a cliff hanger! Great job.

on Aug. 9 2010 at 10:33 am
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thank you!

on Aug. 7 2010 at 3:18 pm
Alice_in_Wonderland GOLD, San Clemente, California
16 articles 0 photos 620 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I could give up, I could stay stuck, or I could move on, So I put one foot front of the other, No no no nothing’s gonna break my stride, “ –David Archuleta (The Other Side of Down)

Cool! Very interesting....great jo0b and I can't wait to read the next part.

on Aug. 6 2010 at 11:47 am
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thanks, there are two more parts posted, as of now!

on Aug. 2 2010 at 8:57 pm
writingchick GOLD, Huntington, Indiana
11 articles 0 photos 127 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Faith is taking another step without seeing the entire staircase."

Great, fantastic, amazing and awesome despriction!! Very very very good use of words!! Keep it up!

on Jun. 27 2010 at 6:49 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thank you! There is a continuation of this posted. :)

on Jun. 25 2010 at 4:05 pm
Tomorrow.maybe SILVER, Houston, Texas
5 articles 3 photos 32 comments
This is pretty good, you have great word choice and nice voice, fascinating :)

on Jun. 23 2010 at 4:34 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Ok I'll read it:)

on Jun. 23 2010 at 12:03 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Thank you! :)




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