June 4, 2010
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My innocence was taken at the age of twelve. I still have nightmares about that night. I can smell his breath, mint and cherries; I see his face, leaning in, his eyes searching for some glimmer that I might want this as much as him; I hear his ragged voice telling me “shh…it’s all going to be ok…only a few minutes…that’s all I’m asking for.” My heart is racing. I know exactly what is happening yet I cannot stop him. He’s bigger, stronger, more desperate then I had ever been. He tells me he will be gentle if I don’t cry out. Even if I had something to say, my dry mouth would not permit me uttering a single word. It was dark and I couldn’t quite make out his face, but those eyes…something familier. He slipped his hands underneath my shirt. I cringed away but he held my arms fast and steady. He undid my clasp. Everything was slipping away under his touch. I was sweating, but I grew cold as the seconds passed. The cold air chilled me to the bone. He threw off my shoes and socks. Nothing seemed to stop his hurried, determined persistence. I stiffened as he dropped each garment into a pile of my clothing next to us. He stroked my cheek in what he must have thought was a soothing manner, tipped my head back and began to kiss my neck.

He left me lying there. He did not bother to re-cloth me, not that it really mattered. I had gone numb to the cold ground, numb to the entirety of my surroundings. My body felt as if it no longer belonged to me. I looked at my fingers. They moved. Was I doing that or was it of their own accord? No matter. Me, or what was left of me, dragged its aching limbs up into a standing position. The clothes next to me were soiled. I was no longer the girl who had worn them minutes before. I looked around once more, remembering the pain, the anger, the sorrow this place had just inflicted upon me.

I walked back to my brother’s car. He must be off with some of his friends. Thankfully, his keys were left in the ignition. It was unlike him to be quite so careless. I stood there staring at the car. Was I worthy of trying to step back into my old place of being? A large bolt of lightning made the decision for me and I slowly made my way into the passenger seat. There was a blanket in the back seat and I swaddled my aching body into its soft folds. Sleep over came me and the next thing I remember was Jonah throwing open his car door with a burst of laughter from his friends. He glanced at me in the backseat nervously, probably thinking I was still asleep. He said his goodbyes, which usually consisted of a lot of back smacking, knuckle punches, and finally inched his way into the driver ’s seat.

As his car pulled away from the curb, I sat up and looked at him. In the rear - view mirror, all I could make out were his eyes.

“Jonah. I know it was you.”

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This article has 43 comments. Post your own now!

DemonXxXchild903 said...
Jun. 29, 2010 at 2:23 pm
:-O OMG! How sad! Great job! You're very good at showing and not telling.
roxymutt replied...
Jun. 29, 2010 at 8:47 pm
haha thanks :) i liked the smiley face hahaha
KK2013 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 29, 2010 at 10:19 am
Oh my goodness, that is really creepy. there were a few spelling mistakes, and a few grammar mistakes (like the... Me, or what was left of me, dragged...; which should have been more of... I dragged what was left of myself) But that was shocking. Very well done.
Shoka_no_sanraizu said...
Jun. 28, 2010 at 11:17 am
Wow.... that is all I can really say. I was left speechless with my jaw to the floor. It was a great story and very shocking. I loved it!
roxymutt replied...
Jun. 28, 2010 at 10:33 pm
thank you so much :) i really appreciate your time!!!
luv2write4ever said...
Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:52 pm
Wow. This was amazing. You are such a good writer. It was so descriptive. I absolutely loved the ending. It was so good.
cyanidesun said...
Jun. 26, 2010 at 10:54 pm

Wow. Very intense article. You have a lovely, very thoughtful writing style. Construction-wise, there were a few grammatical issues, the first being the beginning sentence that talks about his breath, his eyes, and his voice. It's one long run on sentence; I only recommend you separate the three subjects.  Directly after that, you change from past-tense to present-tense and then back again. Watch out for those discrepancies, they're very easy mistakes to make ( i... (more »)

roxymutt replied...
Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:11 pm
well she didnt know it was her brother until she saw his eyes again so u know when u just say the first thing that pops into your head no matter how stupid it may be...well it happend haha :) and yeah the whole switching present past is quite hard haha but the whole thing abt medium was that there wasn't too much thought in her mind...some ppl are traumatized where they dont feel much but their brain is goign wild...they might be numb to their surroundings to the touch but their mind is racing :... (more »)
taylorf463 said...
Jun. 24, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Oh my gosh. This is excellent! It literally left my mouth agape after I read the last last sentence. Truly amazing. :)
A_Dreamer said...
Jun. 22, 2010 at 8:31 pm
That was amazing! It was so suspenseful and so meaningful! Wonderful Job!! :)
MitchB. said...
Jun. 22, 2010 at 12:14 am
this was incredible!!!! it was so brilliantly written!!!
toflyaway said...
Jun. 17, 2010 at 2:54 am

My face was literally ":O" in the end. This is amazing! I really can not describe how blown away I was, the writing is so insightful and not impersonal at all, just as if I was their witnessing everything but not having the power to stop it. Incredible! Loved it!



AvengedJasonFold said...
Jun. 13, 2010 at 9:29 pm

simon cowel feedback--you asked for it!

This was absolutely incredible. I was blown away--I mean like triple rocket/grenade launcher-atomic bombed into the stone age blown to pieces by the first few paragraphs.

Then the rest of it took the pieces that I had been blown to, and then put them back together again so that I could be blown to pieces again.

I don't even know if the language is good or bad or whatever. Frankly I can't get over the shock of the story... (more »)

elizabethlaura said...
Jun. 13, 2010 at 2:47 pm
this is chilling, but really great! you have a talent for making a reader's heart pound lol
roxymutt replied...
Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:33 pm
thanks so much!!!! :D
FlyWithMe_899 said...
Jun. 13, 2010 at 9:52 am
oh my gosh that was a really well-written story!!! the ending was like.. :O. ur words wer really 'impactful' and emotional. good jobb!!
katie-cat said...
Jun. 13, 2010 at 6:32 am
Wow, this was really good!  It was filled with depth and emotion.  It was easy to understand and it was very captivating.  Good job!!!
--LoveHappens-- said...
Jun. 12, 2010 at 10:20 am
Wow that was amazing....... I really enjoyed that no matter how scary it was your description was great and the end was a great twist when you find out it was her brother. Great job you made it really believable..... amazing job!!!!!
DanceAway This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 12, 2010 at 10:01 am
I love the line, "I was no longer the girl who had worn them minutes before," because it sounds very real. I feel like the beginning is good but not as realistic, like you can tell it never happened to you. The ending was okay. I'm not sure she would have confronted him though. Besides the believability factor though, the writing was really good!
roxymutt replied...
Jun. 12, 2010 at 11:06 am
hahaha thanks :))) i think i get what your saying and i hope i can put that into my story i appreciate the critisisms :)
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball said...
Jun. 12, 2010 at 8:26 am
Oh wow, very interesting. A bit suspenseful and unexpected. You would think when he was raping her she'd recognize in an instance just by his voice.  I have some questions.  Why did he do it? Where would it be possible?  GOod otherwisez!!
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