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Drifting

I felt the barrel of the gun jab into the back of my head. Maybe I should have been afraid, but only peaceful thoughts were on my mind. Soon it would be over; I’d have nothing to worry about. I’d be done with all this pain. The thought made me smile. Death had never seemed so beautiful.
“Do it, pull the trigger!” I whispered almost eagerly to the shadow behind me.
“Do you really want this? It is a permanent decision you know. You’ll never be able to go back, you’ll be gone. Forever.” The shadow said laughing harshly. He wanted this more than I did. He wanted me gone. Dead.
“Yes, I—I’m sure.” Once the words left my lips, I heard the gun go off with a sickening crack. My body crumpled to ground and lay there in a mangled heap. All the life and warmth I had ever had was now gone. It had already drifted away into nonexistence.
My thoughts twirled backward, I quickly relived every moment of my life, at least, I think it was my life. I couldn’t remember at that point. The memories slowly took over my mind; it was like I was under a trance. It suddenly broke off when I heard a faint voice. A harsh voice that was barely audible.
“She’s gone, dead! Off to burn!” vicious laughter followed shortly. The voice seemed familiar, but I couldn’t trouble myself with that. I was heading to flames, already the burning sensation had me trapped in its fiery walls.
“Burn child, burn in the flames!” the voice cackled, “BURN!” Those were the last words I heard before slipping completely into my personalized he11, the last words I heard before I drifted to the eternal flames.



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This article has 4 comments. Post your own!

sleeplessdreamer said...
Aug. 7, 2010 at 11:37 pm:
Something about the first half of this piece is eerily similar to the piece that I just read earlier, the I Always Knew one. And, coincidentally, this piece has the same problems. Where is the storyline here. Yes, the writing was very well done, especially in the latter lines, but what is going on here. Maybe it could be an opening for a story, and the man, in the flashback, recounts his life and you could use that as a narrative for a book idea. Too short and not enough details. GIVE ME MORE!!!!
 
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JohnWallOfTheWizardsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 6, 2010 at 11:35 pm:
I think if you extend and make a beginig to this piece it would be one worth reading, this was phenominal
 
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roxymutt said...
Jun. 4, 2010 at 11:00 am:
I really liked this idea but i think you needed MORE...It almost left too many questions open.  What is it that he/she did to get in this position...maybe include a flashback to something important.  I do apologize for my frankness..but it also was quite well written.  Keep writing!
 
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Belle ;) said...
May 23, 2010 at 5:28 pm:
wow....that's...all i can say...wow....it's good...
 
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