Her Past.

By , Orlando, FL
Was he her dad or was it a monster? It was the same question she asked herself every night when she awoken from her nightmare. This nightmare seemed to steal air from her lungs, make heart skip a beat, and force every hair on her neck stand up. She sat up slowly trying to hold her tears back and keep from waking her husband. She walked from the bed at a steady pace she shut the door but left the lights off. She walked to the sink which she knew was exactly five steps from the door she also know the bath tub was three steps to the right and the toliet was six and a half steps to the left from the bath. She had every inch of the house memorized because of a fear that dwelled within her brain, a fear caused by a dead man, a fear that ashamed her, a fear that made her conquer every fear she ever had, but most of all a fear that ruled every detail of her life, from her job to her marrige. She could never escape it. Never.

She turned the knob on the sink and the water was just barly driping out she placed her hands under the fauchet and waited for her hand to get just a little wet. She the pulled her hands out from under and gently patted her face. She began to breathe in and out at a normal pace. This was a nightly routine for her but for the first time she looked in the mirror. She never notice how eye ajusted to the dark, she saw the dark outline of her face barely. She began to study her outline just to try and see if you could tell how broken she was on the inside from the outside. From what she could see, noting sold all of her inside thoughts and feelings, but she had a strange fear of turning on the light and looking herself in the eyes. She once heard that by looking someone in the eyes you can see all the happiness, sadness, pain or anger. She then looked into her outline and promised to never look herself in the eyes. She wanted to hide all the pain and sadness from herself, if possible.

She then noticed the sink was still running. Twisting the knob to turn it back of she started to hear the voices. This only happen once or twice a year, but when it did it killed her and stayed in her head for days. The voices were loud...So loud.

"You didnt save us"

"He didnt kill us you did"

"Why?"

"Didnt you care?"

They all cried.

The tears from her face began to stain the light blue night gown making it grow darker. The voices kept getting louder and louder.

"please...please" she cried in a quiet and soft voice. But the voices didn't stop they just got louder.
"STOP!" she suddnly screamed. Her crying got louder as did the voice.

All the sudden the bathroom door swung open and the light turned on. She was still lying on the floor stained with tears. Everything was a blur to her now, all she could see were the blury out lines of her bathroom. Part of her just wanted death to grip her by the throat and tell her goodnight, just so it all could end...be over, finshed, done... But death was the easy way out she never wanted the easy way out. Never No matter how sweet the song sounded.

"Kristen! Kristen, It's okay stop crying. I'm here we will be okay. I promise. Please Kristen honey." A man cried. She knew the voice. It was the man who loved her even though she was a diffrent kind of crazy. Then man who intended to keep his promise 'til death do us part'. She loved this man.

Things slowly became clear to her. She saw his face and threw her arms around him "I'm so sorry babe, i'm so sorry." she held him as if death was under her feet trying to pull her down " I don't know what's happening to me anymore i thought i did but i dont. And Jensen sweetie I don't know why you stay and deal with it, but you dont have to i uderstand" she wimperd into his ear.

He pulled back , looked her in the eye and caressed her cheek that was soaked with tears. "Look, babe i know that i can walk out those better then any one..." he began tearing up but kept a warming smirk on his face. "But i would NEVER do that and you should know that. I love you with every single one of your flaws. And i mean it. If someone would have told me that one year into our marrige you would start hearing voices and keep hear them for six more and so on i would have looked at them and said bring it on! I mean hell if you wanna go get twenty cats and a fly swatter and be the crazy lady that runs around with a fly swatter hearing voices with her twenty cats. I would stay with you anyways... Even though i hope you dont chose that path because i love having company over."

They both started laughing. Kristen looked in his eyes and say pain and dispare mixed with happiness. Part of her new the pain was from seeing her like this, knowing there was nothing he could do to make it stop. She then leaned over and kissed him on his forehead then she travled to his right cheek, crossed to the left cheek, falled to his chin, and ended it with a soft and short kiss on the lips. when she pulled back his eyes were closed. He was relaxed and calmed.

Kristen then stood up streched and said "I'm gonna go change out of this soaked night gown and go back to bed, okay. I love you" As she walked out she ran her fingers though his short spiky dirty blonde hair, she let out a deep sigh pretending to be relaxed so she doesnt worry Jensen much. Once she got to her closet she serched though all her night wear, finally placeing her hand on a white cotten shirt. She pulled it out and looked at the soothing black cursive writing that out 'Bride to Be' she pulled it close into her chest and hugged it.

Kristen found comfort in the thought that she would never have to wear a shrit like this one again. She knew she was going to be Mrs.Something until the day she died. Mrs.Something... Mrs.Something. Finally she forgot about all the voices and all of the terrible and horrible things they said... But how long until they came back? How Long...

She slid the night gown off making the silk look like blue waves from the ocean and put the shirt on with a pair of red cheer shorts. She tossled her long brown hair with her fingers. She then walked out of her closet and went into the sock drawer and pulled out a pair of plain white ones. Then she walked over to the bed and slipped under the covers where Jesen was waiting with his arm streched over her pillow.

Kristen laid down into his arm where he pulled her closer and kissed her on the forehead.He whispered something in her ear but by then she was fast asleep. And for the first time in a long time she felt safe and untouched, as if all that bad stuff that happened in the past never happend. Why couldn't it always be like this...





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