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The Man-Less and Huffletrump-Less Autumn Feast
“HOW ARE WE SUPPOSE TO HAVE AN AUTUMN FEAST WITHOUT THE MAN-PIES AND THE PREPARED HUFFLETRUMP?” screamed the giant King when he learned of the escape.
“P-p-p-please, y-your m-m-majesty, w-w-we, meaning the k-k-kitchen staff and I-I-I, could m-m-make an im-im-imitation,” nervous whispered the Cook.
“WHAT—” began the King.
“Sire, if she could make a convincing imitation, then I highly doubt the King of Helgrind would notice,” interrupted the King’s most trusted and loyal adviser.
“Oh, all right,” the King of Darfang said, giving into the demands of the court who had agreed with the Adviser. “But it better be good,” warned the King.
“Y-y-yes-s-s, s-s-sire,” whimpered the Cook before scampering away.
Every year, all the giants across the land celebrate being alive (meaning they did not kill each other in their stupidity) by having an Autumn Feast. As tradition would have it, the giants have man-pies and a prepared Huffletrump. This tradition is so old that even the Elder Giant does not know where it came from. Many giants believe it is a bad omen if there is no man-pies or prepared Huffletrump. That is why the king was so angry. He did not wish to be cursed.
Within the hour, the King of Helgrind appeared on the King of Darfang’s front doorstep. When the King of Darfang went to meet the King of Helgrind, and the queens met also, it was a funny event to watch. The King of Helgrind could not have looked more pleased to be there because he had always heard of the famous Darfang man-pies and the scrumptious prepared Huffletrump. The King of Darfang was jittery however because of the imitation that had to be prepared. The Queen of Helgrind looked disdainfully at the castle, imagining the way she would decorate it if she had small, vacation castle like this appeared to be (although it really was not). The Queen of Darfang was in much admiration of the other Queen because of the exquisite clothing she wore and insisted on following the other queen everywhere she went.
Later that night at dinner, the King of Helgrind asked to see the humans and Huffletrump who were going to be eaten at tomorrow’s feast. At that point, the King of Darfang started sweating like a hog because he did not know what to say.
“Um, your majesty, um, even I am not allowed to, um, see the humans or the, um, Huffletrump. The Cook, um, keeps them under careful guard, um, lest they try to, um, escape.” The King’s voice had been growing shriller and shriller with every word, kind of like yours does when you tell a lie.
“Oh,” the King of Helgrind said, not noticing the change in the other King’s pitch, “that’s understandable.”
The next day, the King of Darfang avoided the King of Helgrind at all costs. He even took the servants stairs. Oh, the horror! By the time it came to get dress for the grand Autumn Feast, the King was sweating buckets (and not normal human buckets like you or I would be sweating, but normal giant buckets which are ten times the size of our buckets).
When he got down to the decorated dining room, the King of Darfang was about to faint from nervousness. He did not notice the first seven courses. After what seemed like a lifetime, the eighth course finally appeared. Since it was his dinner, the King of Darfang was the first to try the man-less man-pies and the Huffletrump-less prepared Huffletrump.
After cautiously taking the first bite, the King’s face completely changed. The man-pies and the prepared Huffletrump tasted just like it would with the humans and Huffletrump. And all that worrying for nothing.
The rest of the fourteen courses feast went smoothly and all the guests greatly enjoyed the food and entertainment. (I won’t even tell about the entertainment because it was too inhumane.) When the King of Helgrind was retiring after the feast’s final performance ended, he spoke quickly to the other King.
“I can understand why your man-pies and prepared March-wiggle are so famous,” the King of Helgrind stated with a chuckle. “That is the best man-pies and prepared Huffletrump I have ever tasted.” The King left with a deafening laugh.
The morning after the feast, the King of Darfang quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to the kitchen. He wished to confront the Cook about her man-pies and prepared Huffletrump.
“Cook,” the King began, “I want to know why your man-less man-pies and Huffletrump-less prepared Huffletrump were so good and tasted as they do every year?”
“Oh!” the Cook exclaimed, “that’s because I never cook my man-pies with humans or my prepared Huffletrump with a Huffletrump. Your majesty knows that there are laws against it.”
The King of Darfang fainted.