Who is that...

April 3, 2010
By _NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
_NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
4 articles 1 photo 463 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. Each one deserves a closer look.


–Golly (Harriet The Spy)


I shook my head and cocked it to the side. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head, only to make me feel trapped and sweaty. It was too quiet...

I lifted up my head from over the covers, and I sighed when I stared across my empty bedroom. The walls seemed to be an eerie blue, and my gasps came out in a hushed echo. It was only 9:00 pm. My parents were usually awake watching T.V or just listening to the radio, but this night was different. I could not hear ANYTHING.

Suddenly, I heard a voice that I did not recognize. The door was an inch open, but it was suddenly pushed full open, revealing a long silhouette that creeped on the bedroom door. I gasped and slowly slipped under the covers, trying to be unnoticable. Then, the blurry image seemed to crawl toward me, and I could finally see who this person was.


The author's comments:
This is the intro to a story I am going to write. I just hope you guys like it! I need some comments and ratings please!

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This article has 80 comments.


on Oct. 30 2013 at 12:43 pm
BeautylovesBeast SILVER, N. Las Vegas, Nevada
5 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill them
-anonymous

It is a pretty short story but it is a really good story good job.

leo50 said...
on Oct. 25 2012 at 8:32 am
it's short. but it's good and the story should have more. it shold have more suspense

smurf1128 said...
on Aug. 20 2012 at 10:31 pm
smurf1128, Chester, Virginia
0 articles 18 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get"
-Forest Gump

I loved it! I really wanna find out who the person is. pleez don't make it a vampire. I'm getting kinda tired of vampire stories. Unless u can make it an amazing vampire story then go ahead. :P

on Apr. 10 2012 at 12:40 pm
m.avelar BRONZE, Bedford, Kentucky
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Everything happens for a reason don't ever forget that.

That was really good  now i cant wait to read your story

Slytherin said...
on Mar. 19 2012 at 3:33 pm
lol you're so serious over a article. calm down. 

Ayerhs said...
on Feb. 26 2012 at 10:09 am
It's so short. A few more lines and description can give a good backround, and then you can plunge right into that sitch. The ending is perfectly mysterious. I give you four stars for that.

NightFury said...
on Feb. 4 2012 at 3:26 pm
NightFury, Innocence, California
0 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everyday's a gift and not a given right."

Pretty good. My suggestion to you would be to be a little more descriptive and add more information. Other than that, you're good!

aphids77 said...
on Jan. 13 2012 at 5:47 pm
aphids77, Holly Springs, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 21 comments
Eh, it's alright. You need to rephrase a couple of lines like when the door opens. "I tried to be unnoticed" isn't working. It would make me want to read more if it had more description, and somehow had personal objects from the narrator described in the room. Describe the voice. Show, don't tell.

raeee GOLD said...
on Nov. 8 2011 at 4:55 pm
raeee GOLD, Walla Walla, Georgia
15 articles 3 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Would she hear me if I called her name? Would she hold me if she knew my shame? Would she even love me if I was to blame?" -Favourite poem ever♥

This is absolutely chilling. I would REALLY wish to read more on it! :D

on Nov. 8 2011 at 3:01 pm
HoneybeeFiction BRONZE, Cincinnati, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I've always been an artist and I've always been famous, you just didn't know it yet."- Mother Monster <3

I like the description in the beginning, it was well done. The only suggestion would be to add some more information on the character (age, ect.). That would really make me have emotions for him/her and be more worried about the outcome of the story. But, at the end your story really left me wanting more. Good work! :)

I just posted my first story to this site the other day and it also has a kindof creepy feel to it. If you could take a look at it and give me some feedback I'd really appreishate it.


on Sep. 25 2011 at 12:25 pm
Rainbowmadhatter, Reno, Nevada
0 articles 0 photos 81 comments
this is sooo totally amazing

HudaZav SILVER said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 1:44 pm
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 392 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nothing is impossible; the word itself says 'I'm possible'!" -Audrey Hepburn

Thank you. =)

on Aug. 14 2011 at 8:51 pm
singinginthegardn GOLD, Cowell, Massachusetts
16 articles 2 photos 158 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." ~Anaïs Nin

You are SO welcome!!

_NoAir_ BRONZE said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:31 pm
_NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
4 articles 1 photo 463 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. Each one deserves a closer look.


–Golly (Harriet The Spy)

Thanks PJD, and sure, I'll check it out. Thnx for the heads up.  =)

_NoAir_ BRONZE said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:30 pm
_NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
4 articles 1 photo 463 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. Each one deserves a closer look.


–Golly (Harriet The Spy)

Thank u!   X)

_NoAir_ BRONZE said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:26 pm
_NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
4 articles 1 photo 463 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. Each one deserves a closer look.


–Golly (Harriet The Spy)

Thanks girl!   ;)   I'll be posting more on this profile.

I'll see your stuff, thanks!


HudaZav SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:14 pm
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 392 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nothing is impossible; the word itself says 'I'm possible'!" -Audrey Hepburn

Thanks, I really appreciate it.   ;)

HudaZav SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:13 pm
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 392 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nothing is impossible; the word itself says 'I'm possible'!" -Audrey Hepburn

Thank you!  =)

HudaZav SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:11 pm
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 392 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nothing is impossible; the word itself says 'I'm possible'!" -Audrey Hepburn

Thanks.   =)   Personally, I don't think I will continue on this, but I will  post a novella some time soon on my new profile (yes, the one I'm on now). You can check that out once it's posted if you want.

And I'll check your piece out right now.   =))))


HudaZav SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:09 pm
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 392 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nothing is impossible; the word itself says 'I'm possible'!" -Audrey Hepburn

Thanks for the critisism.   =)   This isn't a full piece, just a bit that I wanted feedback on in my writing style or the way I grab suspense. And demon stories are awesome!   XD


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