Elizabeth Jane Markin's

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They say everyone stares at the same sky, the same clouds, feeling the same rain hit the ground but I don’t feel it any more, nor can I focus on the clouds moving cautiously across the sky. All I can clearly see and feel is the pain and the defining pounding that resonates through my head. I know its poring and you’re asking yourself, how can I not see it? How can I not feel it? Well the numbness has come, thankfully? Or is this just another in convenience? At the moment its release but disturbing, I could have died already but my frantic soul is continuing. Am I doomed to attempt my out run of the beast throughout eternity? Or can I finally lie down and rest? I no longer feel cold just empty and hollow, as if my heart is missing. I know that sounds ridiculous but that’s how I feel. And the pressure to give up this losing fight is overwhelming! God! It feels like I’m being crushed by the very air! I can no longer tell you where I am, as I don’t know myself, the world has a grey tinge that flashes red constantly. My racing legs are slowing against my will and I can no longer see where I’m going. There is no one to help me, no one to save me, no one coming. I am all alone and I will die alone. The pitiful girl who always wandered alone, remains alone until death, fitting? I find it slightly ironic, truly the Gods are heartless. I have stopped moving now, completely. My heart is continuing feebly but I know it will fail soon. I already feel so sleepy and the numbness is taking me. I thought I had been numb throughout my whole life, so emotionless, so empty, no, so full of hurt and pain that I blocked it, creating numbness. But this is different, I can’t feel physically but emotionally and mentally the pain is excruciating. I allowed him in and he melted my cold heart, leaving it open and venerable. Physical pain is an illusion created by our mind but emotional pain, well that continues even at the end of death. It haunts us, follows us. You can feel redeemed but you will never forget the bad or painful things you have done. Worst of all, you can give up hope. Hope keeps us alive, without that we are doomed and have nothing left but to wait for death. Yes, I guess you could say that my dying thoughts are pretty deep, but in away with what I’ve experienced they are only part of a small lesson. One which I will probably not have a chance to learn from. At least I was the only one involved and no one else got hurt because of me. I hope someone finds...

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The last dying thoughts of Elizabeth Jane Markins Jan 15th 1276





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