Letting Go

By , Eugene, OR
Suddenly, I hear a gentle whirring sound. Something's moving.

My eyes snap open. I try to sit up, but something is holding me down.

I look towards my arms, willing my eyes to adjust. Seeing nothing, I try to move my arm, my leg. Anything.

It is as if I'm tied down. Held down.

I hear the gentle rumbling. It is from all directions.

Above me. Below me. To my sides.

I look at the ceiling, and I see myself reflected as if in a mirror. Frantically, I look to my left.

Closer. Closer. The walls loom ever closer.

I listen, but nothing can be heard over the ever-present noise of the walls getting closer.

My cheeks are wet and my throat sore as I realize I have been crying. Screaming. Struggling against the bonds, hoping by some miracle that I have been unleashed.

The walls loom ever closer.

I let out the breath that I've been holding unknowingly. My breaths are slow and ragged, singing my throat with every intake, growing less and less frequent as the walls inch closer.

The roaring grows louder.

I look up.

The ceiling has begun its decent.

The walls are so close. Moving so slowly. Taunting me.

My thoughts fly to my friends. My family. The life I may not live to see.

Renewed with more ferocity than before, I yank my arms and legs left and right, hoping to loosen the bonds.

I hear a scream I realize is my own.

It sounds like a wild animal. Perhaps I have become one. An animal bound by bonds nothing can break.

Laughter.

Wicked, inhuman laughter.

A sound not made by me.

I scan the walls, the floor, anything in search of the source.

Help me! My voice is naught above a whisper, but I sense I was heard.

The laughter grows louder and more out of control.

My fear. My pain. It amuses them. It, for what cruel animal gets amusement from another's pain.

It is as if I had spoken out loud.

The laughter stops suddenly, making me more frightened, for the silence is overwhelming.

You ask what finds amusement from another's pain, yet you, a human, bring my kind so much pain. We have chosen you as a sacrifice. As a being who will suffer as my kind has suffered.

It is not spoken, but I hear it, echoing in my head as I try to grasp what is to become of me.

Why me? I wonder, aloud or in my head, I am not sure.

There is no answer, but the laughter starts again.

Which is worse, the silence or the laughter, I do not know, but both echo, loud in their own way, haunting me.

I hear the grounding of gears reverberating through the room.

I had not noticed that it had stopped.

The reflective surface moves closer. My eyes haunt me, for swimming in their depths is a sight far worse than any other. Hopelessness. Then, an idea pops into my head, saying Pray.

So I pray. I pray for help, pray for things I don't remember, but I feel at peace.

Wild laughter erupts from my lips.

I feel at peace while my death looms closer. Closer.

Taunting me, but I no longer care.

My life is in God's hands.

The rumbling stops. I am free.

I take with me a new fearlessness.

I leave behind my fears, for I am safe in God's plan, His grace. I leave the past for I know only the future lays ahead of me.

The future. A road not seen by anyone. There may be obstacles in the way, but we need to learn how to get stronger, how to learn from the past, for someone else might need help, and it is our part to help.





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