Eye of the Tiger | Teen Ink

Eye of the Tiger

September 6, 2009
By laurennnnnxo84 GOLD, Cottage Grove, Minnesota
laurennnnnxo84 GOLD, Cottage Grove, Minnesota
10 articles 4 photos 4 comments

Jeez, my head hurts. I struggle to open my eyes, vanquishing the dark from my vision. Specks of color flutter into sight; pale white, tan, blue. The smell, a cleanliness feel, and sights all seem unfamiliar to me. I do not know who I am, where I came from, or where exactly I am.

As I try to grasp the sense of opening my eyes my body scrunches over, contorting into ways almost alien to me. I begin slipping away, unable to hold the claim on my body. Then, with a flutter-like movement, I gracefully gain ground. I stare at the lifeless body of a young, beautiful brunette. Her soft, delicate lips are unmoving, chest heaving, tubes attached to every spot you could think of. Ladies and gentleman rush in and out of the room that serves as her captor. I begin to see silent tears make a way down a child's face and immediately feel tied to this stranger. He shuffles across the room silently, unnoticed, and makes an imprint upon the bed. He takes her hand lightly in his, whispers, “I will not let them take you away,” and gently kisses her forehead. He looks at the monitors, a sigh erupting across his face, and slides his hand across the life support tubes. In all his worries, his thoughts are shown directly.

A voice of exasperation overthrows the emotion filling this room, “Charlie! Come here!” The boy, Charlie, softly paces out the doors as his mom explains as to why he can't go in there. Too not remember his sister that way.

And as if it could've been any clearer than the day is outside, realization hits. The stunning brunette, that's me. The little boy? My brother. The high-pitched voice from outside? My mother.

I began dreaming of the life we must've had as I drifted towards the doors. Then the bus of utter disgust stabbed me in the back because there, in my mother's hands, sat papers of consent. On September 30th they we're pulling the plug. I frantically searched for a calendar, cursing my mom, to finding out it was merely September 23rd, which left me all but a week to save my own life. Although, how was I to go about saving my life?

Okay, lay down in the body, like Just Like Heaven. Dang, that didn't work in the movie, doesn't work here. Hmph, jump on three, one, two.. THREE! Ahhhh! Jeez what a view from under this bed.

Alright, so this isn't working. What am I supposed to do? I can't let myself die! I have no idea what I am doing, let alone how I got into this coma. Just then a doctor walked through my room, went over to lifeless me, chuckled and said, “One more week.” Could this possibly be the solution to keeping my own life?



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This article has 7 comments.


on Dec. 12 2009 at 5:43 pm
dragonfan SILVER, Arcidia, Indiana
9 articles 1 photo 213 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Death truly makes an artist"

wow this is amazing

cakekid314 said...
on Sep. 30 2009 at 11:07 am
the story is full of suspence write a second part continuing the story

on Sep. 24 2009 at 11:25 pm
laurennnnnxo84 GOLD, Cottage Grove, Minnesota
10 articles 4 photos 4 comments
the ending is supposed to leave suspense, the doctor is somehow tied into what happened to her, if that makes any sense or helps you

lagov said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 8:29 pm
This piece of writing I enjoyed because it gives you a different perspective of what is going on. In the passage it states "He takes her hand lightly in his, whispers, 'I will not let them take you away,' and gently kisses her forehead." I like this because at first you don't know the relationship of the two but later to find that they are related or brother and sister. Sometimes you may not know that people care about you but they really do you just can't see it. The ending I think was a tiny bit vague I think it could have had a better way to end or at least say what had happened to her instead of just ending it with "Just then a doctor walked through my room, went over to lifeless me, chuckles and said, 'One more week'." Over all I would say it is a well write piece.

karlinskib said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 7:43 pm
The end didn't make any sense. It really just ended without a conclusion. Other than that it was very detailed and discriptive which i like.

williamsn said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 7:30 pm
I really liked this piece, because what if this was you, waking up only to realize that you do not know what is going on? That would be frightening, especially the part that begins with, "I stare at the lifeless body of a young, beautiful brunette. Her soft, delicate..." and ending with, "...immediately feel tied to this stranger." Also, this is kind of intriguing; what does the it mean when the story says, "Just then a doctor walked throguh my room, went over to lifeless me, chuckled and said, 'One more week.'"? Why did he chuckle? As a doctor, would you not want your patients to survive? Overall, though, I liked this piece and would like to read a continuation.

Sabryth GOLD said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 9:17 am
Sabryth GOLD, Lawrence, Kansas
18 articles 1 photo 25 comments
what happens? write more!