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Untraceable


My heart was racing even though I took calming breaths. Tears slid down my cheeks even though I tried not to cry. I was an assassin. I couldn't cry. Though crying was better than screaming.
I pressed the gas pedal down until I was going as fast as a mini van stocked with explosive weapons can go. I had to get to my younger brothers home. Now! In less than twenty-four hours my brothers would be dead because of Untraceable, me. Some times I wish I hadn’t become an assassin, it was a dirty, filthy way to live, but I couldn’t live as a primpy teenager who hadn’t worked a day in her life.
I shook my head, wiped my tears away with the back of my hand, which smeared dirt across my face making me look scruffier than ever. I was almost there. Not even a mile. I slammed on the breaks as I saw a house coming up. I checked the address. It was Freddy’s house. I pulled into the drive.
The house was painted a beautiful egg shell color, with brick red roofing and black curtains on every window it was beautiful. I couldn’t believe my brother was capable of doing that. The drive covered in sandy beach pavers that didn’t even have a tire scuff on them. The only word I could think to describe it as was, “Amazing.”
I parked my mini van in front of the house. I know it would be rude to do that, but I had an assassin on my butt, I didn’t have time to bring manners into this.
I spent a few minutes to prepare myself. I didn’t expect the assassin to be there already, nor did I believe my four brothers would come rushing out of the house, waving guns. I pulled my jacket off, one sleeve at a time. Over my tank top I had five knives strapped across my tight stomach. Each knife was sharpened, and each knife was a different size, each for a different job. I pulled my slacks up past my knees and unstrapped the guns from my calf muscles.
In the end I strapped two hand guns to each calf muscle, replaced the knives after checking the blades. I slung a sash of spare bullet over my shoulder before replacing my jean jacket.
Finally, after ten minutes I stepped out of the mini van. I walked up the three small porch steps, and rang the doorbell. The door was jerked open as I was pressing the doorbell button.
“Who are you?” Freddy demanded. I saw Shaun, Nick and Jake in the background.
I rolled my eyes and put on my best smile.
“I’m your older sister.”
He fainted.
“Great. I come here with a smile on my face, an assassin on my butt, and my brother faints.” I lean over, and start tugging on his arm. I may be one hundred-sixty pounds of pure muscle, but he was just too heavy for me.
Are you going to help me or just stand there?” I asked, brushing stray strands of hair behind my ear and glancing at the four men standing in the hallway. Wait! Four!
I stood up.
“Who are you?” I nodded my head at the red head across the room.
“I would be asking you the same.” Said Shaun.
I shot him a dirty look.
“I already told you, I’m your sister.” I turned back at the fifth wheel. “Your name? You might as well tell me,” I pull out on of my pistols. “I don’t want to shed blood.”




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This article has 25 comments. Post your own!

ShayleeMarThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 28, 2011 at 4:27 pm:
Sequel? Please!!!!!!!!
 
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AWG51 said...
Mar. 17, 2011 at 12:10 pm:
Nice Thriller story!
 
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H. B. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 23, 2011 at 5:46 pm:
This is a really good story, though i agree with the other people that have posted, it can be confusing. is the main character an assassin or are they being trailed by and assasin? you seem to switch back and forth. other than that, exellent!!!!
 
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mrose13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 1, 2011 at 12:45 am:
I agree with xBaByGiRrL22x, it's a good idea, but it's confusing. If you explained more it'd be a lot better... plus I want to see where this goes.
 
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xBaByGiRrL22xThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 10, 2010 at 9:25 pm:
good plot, but im so confused. plzz write more, but include more detail.
 
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vampiresrockThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 27, 2010 at 10:26 am:
i keep to what i just said, but i feel like i've read this somwere else...how long ago did you post this?
 
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vampiresrockThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 27, 2010 at 10:24 am:
quite nice! kudos!
 
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FlyingKookie said...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 4:28 pm:
Very suspensful, though I really didn't undersatnd it completly... It was really good though!!!!
 
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Alya said...
Aug. 22, 2010 at 4:05 pm:
It was pretty good, though I think the perspective was a little bit confusing. If Untraceable is an assasin, then why does she say that one is on her butt when she pulld into the driveway? Some things to keep in mind: Use different sentence starters, you use 'I' a lot. Also, it was a little confusing when she met the brothers. Why didn't they recognize her? Give some background on their histories and it would be clearer to the reader. Good overall.
 
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Diana101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 8, 2010 at 7:05 pm:
I really enjoyed your story! I can't wait to read more from you! Can you maybe check out my story, it's called Murder of Guilt; and maybe comment on it:)  
 
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Sportygirl007This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 4, 2010 at 7:57 pm:
I like the way you wrote this, and I love the story line. Will there be more?
 
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Just_Another_Shadow said...
Feb. 1, 2010 at 9:24 pm:
i thought it was a great story, but one question missa. why did he not know who his sister was?
other than that it was a great story. and if i might say so myself. did you model the main charactor after yourself? lol.
 
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Priya said...
Nov. 9, 2009 at 6:33 pm:
Awesome!! I enjoyed reading that!
 
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Michael T. said...
Nov. 9, 2009 at 2:51 pm:
"I pressed the gas pedal down until I was going as fast as a mini van stocked with explosive weapons can go." To be honest, this is a horrible simile. I like the writing, don't get me wrong, but really...how fast is that?"
 
Monica.Just replied...
Mar. 21, 2010 at 4:06 pm :
actually i dont think that was a similie. It was just implying that her car was full of weapons.. stupid.. ( :
 
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Jeremy A. said...
Oct. 18, 2009 at 12:01 pm:
i really didnt like this story but i have a feeling that you are a good writer keep it up!!:D
 
Monica.Just replied...
Mar. 21, 2010 at 4:07 pm :
shut up. it was great
 
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novacekn said...
Sept. 24, 2009 at 8:24 pm:
Although you could improve on boring words such as "a dirty look," this was a good story. Also, I think you could improve on adjectives such as "Amazing" As previous people said, I am a little confused, because you skipped around a little bit. Nice Story!
 
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Fredwardness said...
Sept. 12, 2009 at 2:06 pm:
Umm. i didnt like your story but i feel that you are a good writer... it was kinda funny when he fainte but it wasnt my taste
 
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Annika said...
Sept. 6, 2009 at 8:57 pm:
that was awesome!!! if thats the beginning amazing cause i wanna read the rest.
 
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