Untraceable

July 19, 2009
By Anonymous

My heart was racing even though I took calming breaths. Tears slid down my cheeks even though I tried not to cry. I was an assassin. I couldn't cry. Though crying was better than screaming.
I pressed the gas pedal down until I was going as fast as a mini van stocked with explosive weapons can go. I had to get to my younger brothers home. Now! In less than twenty-four hours my brothers would be dead because of Untraceable, me. Some times I wish I hadn’t become an assassin, it was a dirty, filthy way to live, but I couldn’t live as a primpy teenager who hadn’t worked a day in her life.
I shook my head, wiped my tears away with the back of my hand, which smeared dirt across my face making me look scruffier than ever. I was almost there. Not even a mile. I slammed on the breaks as I saw a house coming up. I checked the address. It was Freddy’s house. I pulled into the drive.
The house was painted a beautiful egg shell color, with brick red roofing and black curtains on every window it was beautiful. I couldn’t believe my brother was capable of doing that. The drive covered in sandy beach pavers that didn’t even have a tire scuff on them. The only word I could think to describe it as was, “Amazing.”
I parked my mini van in front of the house. I know it would be rude to do that, but I had an assassin on my butt, I didn’t have time to bring manners into this.
I spent a few minutes to prepare myself. I didn’t expect the assassin to be there already, nor did I believe my four brothers would come rushing out of the house, waving guns. I pulled my jacket off, one sleeve at a time. Over my tank top I had five knives strapped across my tight stomach. Each knife was sharpened, and each knife was a different size, each for a different job. I pulled my slacks up past my knees and unstrapped the guns from my calf muscles.
In the end I strapped two hand guns to each calf muscle, replaced the knives after checking the blades. I slung a sash of spare bullet over my shoulder before replacing my jean jacket.
Finally, after ten minutes I stepped out of the mini van. I walked up the three small porch steps, and rang the doorbell. The door was jerked open as I was pressing the doorbell button.
“Who are you?” Freddy demanded. I saw Shaun, Nick and Jake in the background.
I rolled my eyes and put on my best smile.
“I’m your older sister.”
He fainted.
“Great. I come here with a smile on my face, an assassin on my butt, and my brother faints.” I lean over, and start tugging on his arm. I may be one hundred-sixty pounds of pure muscle, but he was just too heavy for me.
Are you going to help me or just stand there?” I asked, brushing stray strands of hair behind my ear and glancing at the four men standing in the hallway. Wait! Four!
I stood up.
“Who are you?” I nodded my head at the red head across the room.
“I would be asking you the same.” Said Shaun.
I shot him a dirty look.
“I already told you, I’m your sister.” I turned back at the fifth wheel. “Your name? You might as well tell me,” I pull out on of my pistols. “I don’t want to shed blood.”


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This article has 25 comments.


on Dec. 28 2011 at 4:27 pm
Cheshirekat SILVER, Boise, Idaho
5 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
“A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Oh you can't avoid that; we're all mad here." - The Cheshire Cat

Sequel? Please!!!!!!!!

AWG51 said...
on Mar. 17 2011 at 12:10 pm
Nice Thriller story!

on Jan. 23 2011 at 5:47 pm
DaughteroftheTrumpet BRONZE, East Aurora, New York
2 articles 2 photos 214 comments

Favorite Quote:
Washington Irving once said “There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love.”

Same. so simple, yet so funny!

on Jan. 23 2011 at 5:46 pm
DaughteroftheTrumpet BRONZE, East Aurora, New York
2 articles 2 photos 214 comments

Favorite Quote:
Washington Irving once said “There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love.”

This is a really good story, though i agree with the other people that have posted, it can be confusing. is the main character an assassin or are they being trailed by and assasin? you seem to switch back and forth. other than that, exellent!!!!

on Jan. 1 2011 at 12:45 am
mrose13 PLATINUM, Petoskey, Michigan
22 articles 1 photo 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be yourself, unless you suck" -Joss Whedon

I agree with xBaByGiRrL22x, it's a good idea, but it's confusing. If you explained more it'd be a lot better... plus I want to see where this goes.

on Dec. 10 2010 at 9:25 pm
xBaByGiRrL22x PLATINUM, Pearl River, New York
22 articles 0 photos 281 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The goal isn't to live forever, but create something that will."
"If you wanna go, baby let's go; if you wanna rock, I'm ready to roll.''
"No one ever said it'd be easy. They just said it'd be worth it." <3

good plot, but im so confused. plzz write more, but include more detail.

on Oct. 27 2010 at 10:26 am
vampiresrock GOLD, Cornish, New Hampshire
12 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life gives you oranges, make grape juice and sit back and let the world wounder how the hell you just did that.

i keep to what i just said, but i feel like i've read this somwere else...how long ago did you post this?

on Oct. 27 2010 at 10:24 am
vampiresrock GOLD, Cornish, New Hampshire
12 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life gives you oranges, make grape juice and sit back and let the world wounder how the hell you just did that.

quite nice! kudos!

on Oct. 5 2010 at 4:28 pm
sOmE_nIgHtS SILVER, Wayne, Pennsylvania
5 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
Yes it's hard to write, but it's harder not to.

Very suspensful, though I really didn't undersatnd it completly... It was really good though!!!!

Alya said...
on Aug. 22 2010 at 4:05 pm
It was pretty good, though I think the perspective was a little bit confusing. If Untraceable is an assasin, then why does she say that one is on her butt when she pulld into the driveway? Some things to keep in mind: Use different sentence starters, you use 'I' a lot. Also, it was a little confusing when she met the brothers. Why didn't they recognize her? Give some background on their histories and it would be clearer to the reader. Good overall.

Diana101 GOLD said...
on Jun. 8 2010 at 7:05 pm
Diana101 GOLD, Grove City, Ohio
13 articles 0 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
"God's delays are not God's denials"

I really enjoyed your story! I can't wait to read more from you! Can you maybe check out my story, it's called Murder of Guilt; and maybe comment on it:)  

on May. 4 2010 at 7:57 pm
InnerTurmoil BRONZE, Colorado Springs, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead -Benjamin Franklin

I like the way you wrote this, and I love the story line. Will there be more?

Monica.Just said...
on Mar. 21 2010 at 4:07 pm
shut up. it was great

Monica.Just said...
on Mar. 21 2010 at 4:06 pm
actually i dont think that was a similie. It was just implying that her car was full of weapons.. stupid.. ( :

on Feb. 1 2010 at 9:24 pm
ZombieDanceWithMe SILVER, Rockford, Illinois
7 articles 1 photo 98 comments

Favorite Quote:
“To die is nothing; but it is terrible not to live”



-Victor Hugo

i thought it was a great story, but one question missa. why did he not know who his sister was?

other than that it was a great story. and if i might say so myself. did you model the main charactor after yourself? lol.

Priya SILVER said...
on Nov. 9 2009 at 6:33 pm
Priya SILVER, Tampa, Florida
7 articles 0 photos 5 comments
Awesome!! I enjoyed reading that!

on Nov. 9 2009 at 2:51 pm
Michael Tuerk BRONZE, Amherst, New Hampshire
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments
"I pressed the gas pedal down until I was going as fast as a mini van stocked with explosive weapons can go." To be honest, this is a horrible simile. I like the writing, don't get me wrong, but really...how fast is that?"

jeremy auh said...
on Oct. 18 2009 at 12:01 pm
jeremy auh, Fonthill, Other
0 articles 0 photos 6 comments
i really didnt like this story but i have a feeling that you are a good writer keep it up!!:D

novacekn said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 8:24 pm
Although you could improve on boring words such as "a dirty look," this was a good story. Also, I think you could improve on adjectives such as "Amazing" As previous people said, I am a little confused, because you skipped around a little bit. Nice Story!

novacekn said...
on Sep. 22 2009 at 1:41 pm
Although you could improve on boring words such as "a dirty look," this was a good story. As previous people said, I am a little confused, because you skipped around a little bit. Nice Story!


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