Am i human

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The hair on my neck stood tall as i fell a sleep. Visions of everything i could imagine have gone through my head but none like the one that awaits this dark rainy night. I tossed and turned until i found a perfect position, On my side with the blanket up to my shoulders, and my pillow folded in two.

I turned off my small tv and layed the remote on the amall stool next to the bed. I cleared my throat then closed my eyes. I took a deep breath then fell into a light sleep then to a heavy full sleep.

In my dreams i felt a rush of happiness then a crazy rush of romances then comedies then to sad stories. Lastly i fely a rush of the same dream i seem to have each night, I'm walking in my back yard then i simply jump into my bed then i usually awake to morning.

This time i did awake but not to this world. I awoke to a darkness so unusual. The darkness was cold yet warm and i felt wet. I heard what sounded like children whispering and laughing in a distance. It felt as if my neck hair stood three feet tall instead of my usual half a centimeter. I walked without moving and i cried without making my eyes wet and making my nose drip.

I swallowed deeply then attempted to scream but failed to do so. I heard foot steps that sounded so close i felt as i they were mine. I reached out into the harsh weather and felt a hand it grabbed mine and that's when I awoke. When i looked down my hand was still being held but it wasn't human......





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JonGrundl96 said...
Feb. 6, 2012 at 11:20 am
Besides a few capitalization and spelling errors it was a very good piece. I'd love to see it turned into a full story as there are many ways you could take this and I'd love to know what route you'd take. One suggestion, I'd work on transitions so the story has a better flow to it rather than abrupt changes.
 
musicgirl1998 said...
Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:39 pm
Holy goodness my heart skipped a beat when I read that last phrase! I didn't know it was there until i scrolled down for the last time! Good job! Do you think you could look at some of my work?
 
writerfreak21231 said...
Jan. 15, 2012 at 1:37 pm
WOW! this was great! Now I really want more! Do you think you could check out some of my work? Thanks! and keep writing! :)(:
 
jovanys said...
Sept. 26, 2011 at 6:34 pm
I like this piece. Keep up the good work and write more! I especially liked the first paragraph because i feel the same exact way. Work hard and make more of these!!
 
vampiresrock said...
Oct. 27, 2010 at 10:48 am
keep it going...keep it going! Kudos to you!
 
DeadPeopleKinndaGrl said...
Aug. 3, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Myserious and cool. Well writen and would love to have some feedback from anyone on my work. Thanx!!!
 
ashleyt replied...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 9:54 pm
Thank you...and will do!
 
liljrp said...
Aug. 3, 2010 at 8:18 am
That was well written :) its kinda mysterious at the end. I wonder what it is?
 
ashleyt replied...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 9:54 pm
Thank you so much...:)
 
robinsonc said...
Oct. 30, 2009 at 6:06 pm
I read many stories on this website and yours was by far the best. This piece was suspensful and thrilling. The story had a couple errors though. I think you should capitalize the word "I" and also you should put commas when you have a list such as when you put "I felt a rush of happiness then a crazy rush of romances..." and so on. Other than those few errors your story was well planned and thought out. I also liked the piece because I can relate to it. I can relate by... (more »)
 
ashleyt replied...
Oct. 31, 2009 at 3:17 pm
thanks ill be sure to take a look at any work you complete and im such a dork i cmade a lot of erros :)
 
story_lover said...
Sept. 30, 2009 at 5:36 pm
wow u r a great writer! i loved it
 
ashleyt replied...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 9:44 pm
aww thank you very much
 
heimana said...
Sept. 23, 2009 at 6:58 pm
This piece of writing was extremely suspenseful towards the end. I loved the sentence, "When I looked down my hand was still being held but it wasn't human." That put chills down my spine. When you revise you might want to capitalize the "I"s and watch the spelling to make the writing look more professional like in the sentence, "Lastly i fely a rush ... " Finally, you might want to add more details on the dreams, but over-all great story!
 
ashleyt replied...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 9:45 pm
thanks!!!! will work on that i was in quite a rush that day lol
 
kiernan said...
Sept. 23, 2009 at 11:02 am
wow... this was crazy good and i reallly liked the suspence at the end...
goooood job
 
ashleyt replied...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 9:46 pm
thank you!!!!!
 
Courtney G. said...
Sept. 15, 2009 at 7:14 pm
that was very good
 
LaylaViolet said...
Sept. 15, 2009 at 10:56 am
Are these dreams based on real ones you've had? It's totally creepy, yet totally awesomely amazaing. ;)
 
ashley tillman replied...
Sept. 15, 2009 at 4:58 pm
these dreams werent real but i really like the idea of dreaming and stories being put into one.
 
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