Losing Friends

December 18, 2017

ACT 1, SCENE 1

REBECCA:
I don’t understand what I did to deserve this.
(REBECCA sobbing on the couch to her mother)

MOM:
Honey, what is the matter? I hate to see you like this… Please tell me what is going on.

REBECCA:
Everything that could’ve gone wrong, is going wrong. I just wanted my senior year to be my best year, and instead, it's been my worst year so far.

MOM:
What happened, you seemed fine this weekend, what changed?

REBECCA:
That’s the thing mom, I haven’t been okay for a very long time. I feel this sadness consuming me and I am constantly fixating on these ideas in my head. The thoughts never stop. I can’t sleep at night because they just won’t stop. All my friends have stopped talking to me, I feel so alone. I’m not trying to get attention, these are my feelings and I hope you can understand….

MOM:
Oh, honey I’m sure everything will be just fine. It’s your senior year. Have you tried to make any new friends? There are plenty of kids in your school I am sure that there is at least someone you could make friends with. And those thoughts, honey, they are normal, they will go away with time.

REBECCA:
This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you this.

MOM:
What are you talking about? Of course you can tell me these things, I’m only trying to help.

REBECCA:
I know, that you think this is your way of helping, but mom you aren’t listening to me. Is the only thing you heard out of that, that I don’t have any friends? It’s not my fault, they left me. I’m not “fun” anymore. I don’t want to go out to parties or do any of the things they want to do, maybe we were never really meant to be friends in the first place. And I’ve tried to get rid of these thoughts, but they haven’t gone away for a very long time now. I just want someone to talk to….

MOM:
Honey, I am not trying to make you feel like you can’t talk to me about these things. I’m just don’t really know what to say. I didn’t know that all of your friends stopped talking to you…. Why would they do such a thing, especially in your last year of high school together?

REBECCA:
I guess it’s because sometimes, the people you thought would be there for you throughout everything….leave.
(REBECCA gazing down towards the ground and sobbing)

MOM:
You will see as you grow older that the people who are meant to stay won’t leave you. I can promise you that. I, for one, will never leave you.

REBECCA:
I know you would never, but you have to say that because you’re my mom.

MOM:
That’s not true at all. I don’t have to say that just because I am your mom. I’m saying it because I mean it.

REBECCA:
Thank you…

MOM:
Now, is there anything else you would like to talk about?

REBECCA:
It’s just that… the thoughts…
(REBECCA looking up from the ground with sad eyes at her mom)

MOM:
Okay, I’m ready to talk about them with you if you would like.

REBECCA:
Well I constantly am overthinking these scenarios over and over again in my head and they’re different ones every week. I can’t help but think of all of them right before I’m going to sleep and all throughout the day.

MOM:
Well it sounds to me like your just worrying about some of these things, that don’t necessarily need to be worried about. It’s a natural thing, everybody does it.

REBECCA:
Well, does everybody think about these thoughts from the time they wake up in the morning till the time they go to bed. Do they too think of all the ways something it their life could go wrong every single minute of every single day. And do they too feel the absence when all of their friends leave them and now they have nothing to do but sit and listen to the thoughts. Do they too feel alone in a world full of people?
(REBECCA stands up and shouts these lines at her mother)

MOM:
I….. I’m not sure how to answer that. But, I will find you someone who can.

ACT 1, SCENE 2

RACHEL:
How are you feeling today, Rebecca?
(REBECCA sitting in a chair corresponding to the chair Rachel is in)

REBECCA:
I….I’m alright….
(REBECCA gazing at the ground and twiddles her thumbs)

RACHEL:
Okay, let's start off with a little introduction. My name is Rachel, and your mother has asked me to speak with you about your current state of mind. I would love for you to make yourself comfortable, and we don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to today. I’m just here to listen, and see if I can help you in anyway possible. Does that sound alright?

REBECCA:
That’s fine, I guess. I know my mom is worried about me and I’m assuming that is why I’m here in your office. I’m just not sure what you want me to talk about.
(REBECCA shifting uncomfortably in her chair)

RACHEL:
Let’s just start off with a few startup questions. What would you say your normal day consists of, from start to finish?

REBECCA:
Well, hmmm lets see. I wake up in the morning for school around 7:00, I get ready, make some coffee and then drive myself to school. I get to school and I do the same routine everyday. I walk the same route to the same classes and pass by the same faces of people I have seen for the past 12 years. After I make it through the school day, I usually drive myself home and depending on whether I have work or not varies. If i have work, I make a quick snack, usually popcorn, and then wait to drive myself to work. If I don’t have work I usually read till around dinner time. Then I eat dinner, do some of my homework and go to bed. Like I said, the same thing everyday.

RACHEL:
Well it sounds to me like your not very thrilled with how you spend your days. Is there a reason you are looking to high school as a chore rather than an experience?


REBECCA:
To me, a chore, is exactly how I would describe it. I used to love going to school every single year up until this one. I used to love waking up in the morning and thinking of all the fun things it would entail. But, as I grew older I began to realize that the things I thought would last forever, simply just,..... don’t.

RACHEL:
Why is it that you think these things won’t last?
(RACHEL writing down notes on a clipboard)

REBECCA:
Because they have already ended…

RACHEL:
What has already ended?

REBECCA:
My friendships… my motivation, my mindset, my emotions. I feel like an empty body full of absolutely nothing, and I hate to say it, but somewhere along the line, I’ve lost myself.

RACHEL:
And why do you feel you have lost yourself?

REBECCA:
It was as if I woke up one morning and I saw the world differently. I woke up to a world full of darkness being thrown at me and eventually I became that darkness.

RACHEL:
And how would you describe that darkness?

REBECCA:
The darkness came in many different forms. Especially in unexpected forms. I think I knew it was darkness when the people that I trusted the most turned out to be my darkness. I think that when they left me, they left behind memories that were too painful to think about. So, instead of thinking of those memories I let the darkness consume me. And I’m not sure I know how to get rid of it….

RACHEL:
Well this darkness that you are describing to me sounds a lot like sadness. I think that you have been sad for a very long time and you try to ignore it, but it seems relatively hard for these thoughts to escape your mind.

REBECCA:
Some days are easier than others… some days I begin to think that everything is okay. It can be like this for days or sometimes even weeks, but somehow the dark thoughts always come back. I try to block them out, I really do, but all they do is remind how useless I am….
(REBECCA avoiding eye contact and struggling to get the words out)

RACHEL:
I am so sorry that you have been feeling this way lately. But, I want you to know that you are not alone. I’m going to prescribe you an antidepressant to hopefully help relieve so of these thoughts. However, I know that this has been very difficult for you and I would like to meet every thursday, just to catch up on things. What do you think about that?

REBECCA:
I guess… if you think that will help me, then I guess that will be alright.
(REBECCA giving a slight smile)

RACHEL:
I really do think and hope that our discussions will help you. Until our next meeting I would like you to write down in a journal every time you have one of those thoughts again, and we will talk about them in our next meeting. I would also like for you to try and distract yourself as much as possible everytime you feel a sad thought coming on. Try and read, write, go for a walk, or watch a film. Does that sound manageable?

REBECCA:
I think I could try that….

ACT 1, SCENE 3:

RACHEL:
Hello, Rebecca, it’s great to see you again. So tell me, how did last week go? Did you write anything down in your journal?
(RACHEL smiling encouragingly)

REBECCA:
I had some good days, and some not so good days…. The first couple I really tried my hardest to try and distract the thoughts, like you said, but they just kept overpowering everything I was doing. I was doing good the first couple of days, and then I saw something that reminded me…

RACHEL:
What did you see?

REBECCA:
It’s just hard going to school every day and seeing all of them….

RACHEL:
Seeing all of who?

REBECCA:
My friends…. Well I really shouldn’t be calling them that anymore. But, my what used to be my best friends. It’s just hard seeing them happy and celebrating things together. It just hurts, because I used to be apart of that, but then they all just left me. I’m not saying it wasn’t my fault, they just saw me as too miserable to be around, and I hate myself for losing the best thing I ever had. My friendships.

RACHEL:
Well, have you tried explaining to them what has been going on inside of your mind for quite awhile now?

REBECCA:
Every time I tried, I just felt so distanced from them. I felt like they were sick of hearing my problems and I didn’t want to bother them with any of my negative thinking, as they would call it. When they finally stopped inviting me places, and replaced me with others, I just stopped trying. I felt abandoned, I felt alone, I felt worthless. And I hate that I still feel that way. And I don’t want you to think I haven't tried to find new friends either. I have. It’s just hard for me to connect with new people the way I connected with them. I never realized how much losing friends could hurt until this year. When they left, they took a piece of me with them. A piece of me, I will never get back.

RACHEL:
I think that if they were really your friends they would’ve never made you feel that way. If they were really there for you the way you were there for them, then they would still be you. Real friends never leave. And one day, you will meet new friends, who truly, will never leave you. It just takes time. All good things take time. And until then, we just need to keep working on your self-worth because you may not believe me, but you have so much to look forward to.

REBECCA:
I hope that, that is true, I really do. Because, honestly I could really use a friend right about now. I willing to listen to what you have to say, and I want to feel better again I really do.

RACHEL:
Well, in that case, let's get started. What do you think starts up your thoughts, what do you think really triggers them?

REBECCA:
Well, to be honest with you, a lot of my thoughts come from being reminded of them constantly. Whether it’s seeing a post from one of them on social media, or even looking through old photos. Sometimes, I accidently will come across a picture of us all, smiling and it brings me back to those memories, and then it feels like a sharp pain striking against my stomach and rising all the way up to my throat. The feeling burns like no other and with that feeling comes the sadness and the tears, that can usually last until the end of the day. And, sometimes, like in school when I see them, I don’t cry, but I carry that burning feeling with me all day and it makes me feel completely lost. Like, I’m not incontrol of my very own thoughts.

RACHEL:
That is completely understandable. I think we should start off with maybe straying away from the social media as much as you can, and maybe even getting rid of those photos that keep reminding you of those certain memories. Does that sound like something that could be possibly done?

REBECCA:
Like I said, I’m willing to try anything that will reduce these thoughts as much as possible. When it comes to deleting the photos, I don’t know if I will mentally be able to do that. I’ve tried before, and everytime I see the photos, the emptiness comes back again. I think I am okay with getting rid of my social medias as well. Do you think you could get rid of those photos for me…?

RACHEL:
Sure! I have no problem doing that at all!
(REBECCA hands her, her phone and RACHEL deletes the photos and her social media accounts)

REBECCA:
Thank you very much. It means alot to me.

RACHEL:
You are very welcome. Now, let's talk about the past week. Have you tried anything to distract yourself from the thoughts, and did you find anything slightly helpful?

REBECCA:
I have, the things that I found slightly helpful was reading and exercising. I found that reading about all of these different worlds and characters, really did help distract me from issues in my own life right now. Also, I went for a couple walks, and it was so refreshing. Most of the time the thoughts still lingered, but I distracted myself as much as I could. It’s the worst at night, when I’m left all alone, in the dark with nothing but my thoughts.

RACHEL:
Well, it sounds to me that those small things did slightly help, and I’m so happy for you about that. I know that the nights are the hardest, especially when you’re not that tired. I would just say, to try and not take any naps during the day, so that when you try and go to sleep, your tiredness will take over the thoughts. Another helpful tip if you aren’t too tired when you are going to sleep, is to try and listen to an audiobook with headphones, to help you fall asleep. Or maybe even turn on the television and try to fall asleep to the sounds of the show, instead of the sounds of your thoughts.

REBECCA:
I will definitely try that.
(REBECCA beginning to smile)

RACHEL:
Also, my next goal for you is to look around your school for any clubs that might interest you or to see if you can find anyone in these clubs with similar interests. I know this might, seem scary, but I believe in you. We will resume in 1 month to see how things are going.
(REBECCA agrees by smiling and shaking her head in agreement)

ACT 1, SCENE 4:

RACHEL:
It’s so great to see you again, how have you been this past month?

REBECCA:
I would say that things have definitely gotten better. I still have days where the thoughts are there, but I have found some new hobbies, and even a couple of new friends.

RACHEL:
That is so good to hear! I am so happy you have found some new fun hobbies. Tell me about them.

REBECCA:
Well, It took me a couple weeks to gain the strength, but I joined a book club held by a few girls at my high school. I absolutely love the book club. It has been so helpful reading a new book constantly and being able to share my thoughts with other people who, are also going through the same thing as me. We have talked about our struggles with our self-worth and past friendships, and I cannot tell you how reassuring it is to feel like I’m not alone.

RACHEL:
That sounds so nice. And can I just say, that I am so proud of you for getting yourself out there besides your fears. You are so strong, and I am so glad to hear that you have found some new friends who understand what you are going through as well. What else have you been up to this past month?

REBECCA:
Well, I’ve also gotten a gym membership, because I’ve found that when I run I feel incharge of my own thoughts and body and it feels so good to have that back again. It is still hard at night sometimes to stray from the thoughts, but your audiobook trick has helped quite a bit. I have also stopped taking naps after school, and instead have replaced that with some of my previously mentioned new hobbies.

RACHEL:
And how has it been in school, in terms, of seeing your old friends.

REBECCA:
Um, well, it’s still been hard seeing them all the time. But whenever I feel triggered to go back into my thoughts, I try to remind myself that everything is going to be alright, and I try to focus more on my reading and writing, that I have fallen back in love with.
RACHEL:
Well, I must say that it has been an honor meeting you and helping you through this journey, and I hope to be seeing you once a month for as long as you would like to continue.

REBECCA:
I can not thank you enough for all that you have done to help me with my journey. I feel that my mental health is something that won’t be healed in a month, a year, or maybe even ever. But, I will say one thing, I am trying harder and harder everyday to achieve my own little piece of happiness.






Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback