Autumn Riddles

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Joan and Mark stroll along a coastline. Joan is uneasy and Mark doesn't know why. Mark says.

“Joanie, what's eating you?”

“I'm just worried, you know. Really worried.”

“Why? I'm sure its nothing.”

“Well, I was talking with Shaun, and Shaun's been acting all weird and I ask Shaun and he says he's fine but I think he's lying because you know me, I always think he's lying. Because I don't think I've ever heard him tell the truth.”

“If you always think he's lying, then you don't know what the truth is, so how do you know he's always lying?”

“I just know. It's not like an instinct, its not that questionable but he sort of has a tell.”

“If you've never seen him tell the truth how do you know he's lying, because there would be nothing to distinguish the lying and truth if the truth never comes into play? So, you wouldn't know if he had a tell or if it was just normal behaviour.”

“I just know, okay? Do you get it when you just know something with no reasoning?”

“No, I don't. Because that doesn't make sense. You always need reasoning to truly prove what you mean.”

“That's stupid. Everything could be a lie. You can never know if something is the truth.”

“Yes, you can, with evidence.”

“But, if the evidence is flawed you can't. If the evidence is untrue. Like, basic facts of human existence are untrue. Like, in maths, you have a complex equation. That complex equation is based, deep down, on 1+1=2. If that is incorrect, if 1+1=3, then the whole equation is a lie and therefore untrue and untrustworthy.”

“But, if you live life thinking like that you may as well do nothing ever because for all we know we're living in the matrix. What you need to do is live life as normal and not think about whether our whole existence is a lie.”

“You brought it up.”

“Actually I didn't, I was saying you can't know that Shaun lies constantly with no evidence. Anyway, if you think he's a liar why do you go out with him?”

“I don't bloody know.”

“Do you love him?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am bloody well damn sure.”

“You know, some of the girls have been talking...”

“What is it this time?”

“They're saying you're gay. Are you? You know you can tell me, you've known me for ages. How long is it now? 6 years. That's a long time. So, just tell me, I promise I won't care.”

“I don't know?”

“What do you mean you don't know?”

“It's just like I don't f***ing know because I've never been in love or even really had a crush so I don't know if I'm straight, or gay, or both, or neither.”

“Have you really never had a crush?”

“Not really.”

“Whatever, you're still pretty young. You could still find love, or a crush at least.”

“15 is pretty old nowadays.”

“I guess society gets us to grow up too fast.”

“Or bloody time, don't blame society for everything. Society didn't make everything just rot and die. We've got to take some responsibilities.”

“We don't have to take responsibility.”

“Well novice human beings usually take some responsibility in their lifetime.”

“True, true. Well, are you going to break up with Shaun then?”

“What? Why?”

“Because you feel no attraction to him what so ever, that's why.”

“I can't do that! We've been dating for ages. And what can I say to him 'oh sorry Shaun, I think we should break up. Why you ask. Well, honestly I am not attracted to you at all and don't really like you'”

“Well, you wouldn't phrase it the same.”
“And anyway. What would the girls at school say? They'd go wild. Call me a lesbo, and throw gum at me.”

“Throw gum at me?”

“Honestly, I'm not making it up, they did that once.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………........

Mark and Joan walk along the coastline. Joan seems fidgety and even more uneasy than yesterday. Mark says.

“So, what is it this time?”

“Well, I decided to break up with Shaun…”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah, well. Sort of. He told me why he’s been acting strange.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Mark, his dad died.”

“Oh, s***, that sucks.”

“Yeah it really sucks, it really goddamn sucks.”

“How’s he doing?”

“Fine enough. And, Mark, I’m just the crappiest person. You know I really am the worst person, because whilst Shaun is dealing with this horrific trauma all I can think about is the fact that he’s going to think I’m breaking up with him because his dad died. And, now I can’t break up with him.”

“You can.”

“No, what will everyone say. They’ll say I’m heartless you know, bloody f***ing heartless.”

“They wouldn’t say that.”

Joan looks at Mark with an amused expression. Mark says.

“Well, maybe they will say that. But, you can’t let other’s opinions dictate your life. If you do that you’ll end up being the shallowest person.”

“There’s not much I can do about my situation, what’s new with your love life?”

“I can’t really talk about my love life when your soon-to-be ex’s dad just died.”

“Love life? You don’t have a love life. Wait! Do you have a love life? Who is she?”

“Joanie I have something to tell you.”
“What is it? Has your dad died too? Because I can’t handle any more deaths. Are you dying?”

“No. Nothing like that. It’s just unfair that I haven’t told you yet.”

“What? You can’t do this to me, you know I can’t handle suspense. Just tell me.”

“I’m gay okay. And, the she is a he.”

Mark looks at Joanie waiting for her to react. Joanie seems disappointed and says

“Is that all? I thought you had cancer or something.”

“Well, I thought you would be more shocked.”

“Not really. Its 2017 no one cares at all any more. Except idiots and bigots but who has really cared what they’ve thought ever. Now, tell me about your love life.”

“Well, this guy, John. He’s cool and we’ve made out a couple times. We’re dating, there isn’t really much to tell.”

“How long have you known?”

“Since last year. It just kind of hit me, you know. And, everything just snapped into focus.”

“Last year! And, you didn’t tell me! Well, I find it hard not to take this personally.”

Mark smirks and says.

“Probably because it was personal.”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Mark an Joanie walk along the coastline. Joanie is sad and a little anxious. Mark says.

“Joans, what’s up?”

“I broke it off with Shaun.”

“Did he not take it well?”

“Just as I thought, he said I was a faggot, and was only dumping him because his dad died.”

“What about the girls?”

“They’re saying that I’m gay and heartless. And, this thing happened.”

“What? Gum in the hair?”

“No, this kid. Damien I think his name is asked me out.”

“What’d you say?”

“No, of course. Anyway, he asked me out, I said no and he said I only said no because he was fat. Then guess what I said?”

“Rot in hell you fat son of a b****!”

“No, I said ‘I said no, not because you’re fat but because you’re a bigot!’”

“You’re so f***ing heartless.”

Joan smiles and says.

“I know.”

 


THE END.






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