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When You're Home Alone

You: Bye guys!

 

Mother: Who was that? I don’t remember another kid.

 

Father: Me neither. (shrugs)

 

Family: (closes door, and drives off to do secret fun things without you, even though they’re supposed to be getting groceries.)

 

House: Random air conditioning upstairs in 3. 2. 1.

 

Door Upstairs: Random air conditioning makes me (slam)

 

You: Intruder!! (runs to kitchen, and grabs knife)

 

Floors: Let’s be as loud as we possibly can, now that you might be in serious danger! (creak, creak, creak)

 

Washing Machine: Your laundry is DONE!!! (BEEP BEEP BEEP)

 

You: What is happening??? (no abnormal sounds indicating footsteps at all) They’re coming down the stairs!!!! (rushes to turn on the TV) If they know someone’s here, they won’t try to rob me! (because that definitely makes sense.)

 

Dogs: Let’s bark at nothing at all, it’ll be fun! (bark, bark, bark)

 

You: (sits on ground silently sobbing while “Seinfeld” plays in the background) I’m gonna die!




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