(Marilyn Manson’s “If I Was Your Vampire” starts playing as the camera slowly opens up to a dark city in the middle of a night. The camera showcases the streets and lights for fifteen seconds before we see a three men about the age of 19 running away. They seem frighten and is looking back several times, we then cut to what appears to be three well dressed mafians chasing after him.)
Mafian #1: GET BACK HERE!
Mafian #2: GET THEM!
Mafian #3: SHOOT THEM DOWN!
(The mafians gets out their guns and begins shooting at them. The mafians get lucky enough to shoot one of the running men down. The remaining gets frightened and runs in a back alley and enter an open door. They appear to be safe.)
Guy #1: *pant* Bro, I think we’re safe….
Guy #2: Nice. Hey, is there a light switch?
???: There is….
(The lights go on and we see about eleven mafians with guns pointed at the two men, and we see the boss by the name of Master Gulio with a pistol as he talks.)
Master Gulio (Voiced by Clancy Brown): And it's mine. JUST like the money ya’ll owe me….
(The mafians start shooting at the men. The first one manages to escape as the second one unfortunately gets shot to death. The first man runs into a dark hallway and is looking for a way out. He then backs up until he encounters Sarah Gulio, Master Gulio’s innocent daughter.)
Guy #1: AH CRAP!
Sarah: SHH! I’m not here to kill you, just follow me!
Guy #1: How to I know, you’re not going to pull a gun out on me?
Sarah: Cause you’d be dead by now, come on!
(The guy follows Sarah to an exit and opens the door, which shows him a street leading to his car.)
Sarah: Look, there’s you car, just get out of here before it’s to late!
Guy #1: Gee, thanks….whoever you are....
(The guy runs to his car and drives away. Sarah just sighs and closes the door, but comes face-to-face with her older brother Tom. He appears to be ticked off.)
Sarah: Oh hey, Tom…
Tom: Hello, sister. What was that all about?
Sarah: Oh, umm….
(Two mafains rush into the room with Sarah and Tom talking.)
Mafian #1: Where’d he go?
Tom: Oh get this, Sarah just let the catfish back in the water.
Mafain #2: WHY?!
Sarah: Well…. he didn't deserve to die….
Tom: He kept promising money he owed us for THREE MONTHS!
Sarah: Well….paying of certain debt can take awhile. Couldn't we have a LITTLE patience?
(All the mafains glares at Sarah.)
Sarah: I’ll take that as a no…
(Master Gulio emerges in the room.)
Master Gulio: That b*stard got away! HOW DID HE ESCAPE?
(All the mafains look at Sarah, Master Gulio notice this and realised what happened.)
Master Gulio: Young lady, I’ve had it with you! This is the THIRD TIME this month! You are GOING to learn how to function in this life!
Sarah: How? Mafian Boot Camp?
Master Gulio: No. Next week, Tom is going to take you under his wing and teach you our ways!
Master Gulio: END OF DISCUSSION!
(The angry face of Master Gulio freezes as the screen appears black and white, it then gets smaller and shifts to the right-hand corner as a female news anchor appears.)
News Anchor: A terrifying even happen all thanks to the local mafia again when crime boss Santino Gulio, aka: “Master Gulio”, ordered the death of 19-year old Phillip Ridgway and his friends Mike Lynch and Don Neff. Phillip managed to escape the brutal shot out but Mike and Don weren't so lucky. Phillip has failed to be questioned, but the question is: Is there anyone out there that can take down this crime organization that plague our streets for so long? Anyone?
(All of the sudden, the screen turns black as Eazy-E's “Boyz N’ Tha Hood” starts playing. Then the words “JACKPOT STUDIOS PRESENTS!” After five seconds, it disappears as “OUR FEATURED PRESENTATION” then appears. After five more seconds, “NERD IS THE WORD” appears as we are brought to the back exit of a high school and shows several students exiting the building, and then finding and entering their buses. After ten seconds of footage, the words vanish and we are taken to the inside of a bus, and the music is coming from a girl's iPod that she's listening to while she’s reading The Outsiders. Then the screen shows several students (and one large juvenile bear in a blue t-shirt) seating in seats minding their own business, like listening to iPods, talking with friends, doing homework, etc. while some just enter the bus and find an available seat. In the back sit Evan and Dylan. Unlike the others, they're doing different stuff. Dylan is watching intently while Evan is closing his eyes and rolling his pair of dice in his hand.)
Evan (Voiced by Liam O’Brien): Come on, come on.
Dylan (Voiced by Brian Bloom): What’s the decision this time?
Evan: Dinner. Trying to decide if I shall go out or not.
Dylan: Good luck with THAT!
Evan: Almighty glow dice, shall I cook for myself or shall I go out to eat?
(Evan tosses the dice in the air and catches them with his left hand. Then he looks at the dice (with the answer unseen.))
Evan: Out it is!
(Just then, Evan’s friend Ryan stumbles drunk in the bus. Which causes Boys N’ Tha Hood to stop playing.)
Ryan (Voiced by Kyle Hebert): EVAN!!!
(The two exchange fist-bumps as Ryan sits next to Dylan, who looks a bit unpleased by this.)
Dylan: Who is this redneck in training?
Evan: This is Ryan. Ryan-Dylan, Dylan-Ryan.
(The two shake hands.)
Dylan: Oh yes, I believe I have seen you around.
Ryan: Same-same. Now scoot over, I gotta pop a squat.
(Ryan sits next to Dyaln, soon the bus starts moving to take its passengers home. Then Evan closes his eyes again and shakes the dice in his hands.)
Evan: Okay, oh great dice of gambling, where shall I eat at?
Ryan: DEEZ NUTS!!!
(Dylan laughs at the remark. He was beginning to approve of Ryan already. Evan just gave him a look and returned his attention to the dice. He rolls them, and finds his answer.)
Evan: Well, East Coast Taco it is. Now, shall I bring company or dine alone watching the pretty girls eat away?
(The bus begins moving. Elevator music plays as the trip goes on.)
Dylan: I think I like this a little better.
(Dylan starts playing Schmoyoho’s “Winning by Charlie Sheen.”)
Evan: Talk about a “winning” decision. *laughs at his pun*
Ryan: I don’t get it-oh! Winning! Oh, okay! *starts laughing after pun becomes irrelevant*
(The song plays on as the nerds quote the winning items. The normal and boring students stare at the three nerds)
Ryan: HEY! Tell us the story!
Dylan: Of what?
Evan: The time….I KILLED MEDUSA!
Ryan: TELL US! TELL US!
Dylan: Sure, tell us all.
Evan: Fine! Allow me…
(Evan stands up and everyone faces him as he begins to speak.)
Evan: It happened in Algebra One...on a day quite similar to this…..
(The scene fades into Mrs. Greening’s room where every student is seen waiting for a teacher to arrive.)
Evan (v/o): Things were quiet. At first it seemed Greening just ditched us. That’s where rebelliousness possessed the children...except yours truly.
(Everyone appears to be on cell phones, music players, or pads, where Evan seemed to be leaning back looking at the door. Then Mr. Frye steps in and everyone freezes. He seems to have a paranoid look on his face.)
Mr. Frye: Hello, everyone. So it appears Mrs. Greening had to leave due to a family emergency and Ms. Janoski is out sick. So they left me in charge since no substitutes could be reached at this time. And please keep in mind my son has the flu so I might seem a bit scared of everything. So….please turn to-
(Medusa bursts through the door, and Mr. Frye runs away.)
Mr. Frye: LIZARD LADY! HOLY CRAP!!!
(Mr. Frye jumps through a window. Two girls sitting near it walk towards it and look down at Mr. Frye.)
Mr. Frye (v/o): I’m okay! AH! I’m just gonna take a nap for a sec….
(The two girls turn around and Medusa’s eyes glows as she gives them a stare, turning to two poor ladies to stone. Then she looks at more random students, turning them all to statues. As she’s having fun, Evan is seen behind a trashcan moving slowly away from her.)
Evan (v/o): I may half of a special line of Orthodoxs, making me immune to her dark greek magic. But I AM bit of a coward. So I waited for a perfect time to strike.
(Every student in the classroom (except for Evan) is seen turned to stone. And Medusa is admiring her work.)
Medusa: HA HA HA HA! Ohh..you all look so beautiful… *motions towards statue of girl* You...so pretty, so fair, you're one of my favorites I’ve made… *move towards statue of boy* And you...so manly and muscled, you would add quite well to my family. Now- hey wait a second, wasn’t there another one?
(Medusa notices as the trashcan flips over and turns towards it.)
Medusa: So you think you can hid from me and get away with it?! You are going to-
(Medusa lifts the trashcan, only to find a note saying “Gotcha B!tch!”. Evan is then seen with a rubber chicken. Then the scene goes black and white and freezes, then Evan's voice is heard.)
Evan (v/o): It was there Medusa knew... she f*cked up.
(Evan smacks off Medusa's head as she screams. Evan then kneels over, picks up she served head, and holds it up in triumph. He then puts it in a bag, he then looks at his former classmates, still statues.)
Evan: Did….any of you see this? Yes?
(The statutes say nothing.)
(Cricket noises are heard.)
Evan: Aww….so you're all dead? Dang…. a rough way to die, guess all your parents would be heartbroken. Hmm…
(Evan puts hand on chin, thinking.)
Evan: I wonder what their doing in the afterlife?
(We then cut to heaven, which appears as a realm of lightness and darkness towards the left. The students who were turned to stone are then seen walking on a golden road and then come to a gold and silver gate, guarding heaven. They all look around.)
Male Student: Wha..? What happened?
Female Student: Last thing I remember, Mr. Frye jumped out the window, then I saw a glowing green light, and then my body just….. froze. It felt weird.... but strangely good...
Another Female Student: Wait? Are we dead?!
Another Male Student: I-I think we are!
(God’s voice is heard.)
God (v/o): Children of Sun Valley High School! I am the god of all things holy. It is my duty to welcome and congratulate you for making it to heaven! Do you have entry payment?
All Students: PAYMENT?!?!?
God (v/o): Keeping up with heaven ain’t free, you know.
(The scene cuts back to Evan thinking. Then Mr. Frye comes running in.)
Mr. Frye: *pant* *pant* Sorry about that, I was- What? What happened here?
Evan: Long story short, Medusa. Girls turned to stone. Then everyone else. I wiped out Medusa with the lightsaber. It’s dead. The end.
Mr. Frye: Okay. Umm….Should we tell the principal that some students have died?
Evan: Hmm…. What about their parents? And should the school make funeral arrangements?
Mr. Frye: Who cares? They’re paying!
(The two laugh and fist-bump. Then they're silent for a moment.)
Mr. Frye: So, wanna grab a burger?
Evan: Eh. What the heck?
(The two walk out. And Evan’s voice narrates.)
Evan (v/o): Then there I was…. enjoying a double bacon cheeseburger with a Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. And that is how the tale ends….
(Evan is shown ending the tale, and everyone on the bus claps, some whistle, some tear up either because his story was so beautiful or one of their friend was one of Medusa’s victims that day.)
Dylan: Absolutely marvelous, Evan.
(Bus pulls up to Evan’s stop.)
Dylan: Well, see ya, Evan!
Evan: Bye! *salutes*
(Evan gets up with a few other kids. Evan waves, but Medusa’s head was in his hand, and one of the girls is caught looking and suddenly turned to stone. Evan quickly puts away the head and the kids glare angrily at Evan.)
Evan: haha, woops!