Beauty and the Beast and the Accidental Star

Dramatic Personae:
Sophia, the actress who plays Belle
Phil, the actor who plays Adam/Beast
Janet, an eccentric member of stage crew who falls asleep and causes problems
Billy, an attractive male on lighting crew
Martin, a stage manager
Janet's Mom, an excited and supportive mother
Ruth, Billy's lighting crew friend
Charlie Ming (A.K.A. Prince Charming), an oblivious member of running crew who comes in at the right place in the right time

Setting: Takes place during a school production of Beauty and the Beast, shortly after the Beast transforms back into a human.  At the time that this play starts, SOPHIA is just entering Belle's bedroom.  In the bedroom there should be at least a bed, a wardrobe, and a mirror.   The bed should be center stage, with JANET sleeping underneath the covers, invisible to the audience.  PHIL is entering after SOPHIA.  On stage left, BILLY is controlling a light, with RUTH beside him, while on stage right, MARTIN should be standing with a clipboard, headset over his ears, taking notes as the scene progresses.

PHIL: How was I supposed to know that you are allergic to strawberries, Belle?
SOPHIA: I've brought it up before, Adam.
PHIL: But they had chocolate all over them!
SOPHIA: That doesn't matter so much, I'm still allergic.
PHIL: I thought it would be romantic.
SOPHIA: It would have been, if I had been able to eat any.
PHIL: I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. (Pauses) Belle, I'm sorry.
SOPHIA: It's okay, Adam.  I just hoped that maybe, since you're human again, we could have gone out for food somewhere.  You know, Mrs. Potts makes great strawberry shortcake and cheese soufflé, but in all honesty, I've been craving Chinese food for quite some time.
PHIL: Chinese food?
SOPHIA: I can't even remember the last time I had fried rice.
PHIL: (relieved-- he can finally fix the situation) If you want to, we can put on our shoes and go--
SOPHIA: (waves him off) It's too late now. Maybe tomorrow?
PHIL: Oh. Okay.
SOPHIA: I'm actually getting pretty tired right now, Adam. (inches toward bed) We can talk about this tomorrow, okay?
PHIL: Right, tomorrow. (Doesn't move. SOPHIA is slowly preparing for bed, by taking off her earrings, removing her shoes, things like that) Belle, all I want to do now is make you happy. And you know what, if you want some fried rice, I owe it to you to get you fried rice.  I once kept you locked in a dungeon-- (PHIL gets choked up and pauses briefly) I have to make it up to you somehow.  I mean, Belle, I am completely in love with you--
(SOPHIA plops down onto the bed, hard.  Against her knowledge, she has just sat down on JANET, who, because she is unaware of what is happening, wakes up from underneath the blanket on the bed and sits upright very quickly.)
PHIL: (Pauses but doesn't check the source of the scream: continues as if SOPHIA has forgotten her lines.) All I said is that I love you--
JANET: What the heck--
SOPHIA: What the heck--
PHIL: (finally noticing JANET) What the HECK--
(An awkward silence overcomes the stage.  MARTIN looks down at his clipboard in shock, and then looks in confusion to booth. BILLY is unsure of where to aim the light, SOPHIA backs away from the bed and goes closer to PHIL, and JANET is at a loss for what to say.)
JANET: Oh my god-- (pauses)-- Oh my god--
SOPHIA: (looks to MARTIN, who shrugs helplessly to her) Ummm--
JANET'S MOM: (somewhere in the audience, stands up unexpectedly) That's my girl!
SOPHIA: (Mixed between confused and angry) Are you kidding me--
JANET'S MOM: That's my girl! Janet! Janet! Oh my god, that's my very own girl up there on stage! (someone pulls her back down to her seat)
JANET: (more confident now than before--decides to improvise a little bit) Oh, hello there.
PHIL: Hello?
JANET: It appears that I've landed in the wrong play. (laughs awkwardly and smiles at the audience) My name is...(pauses) Aurora, and I'm Sleeping Beauty. (pauses. awkward silence. SOPHIA and PHIL look at each other.) I have to get back to my own world now.  Goodbye! (attempts to pull the covers back over herself)
SOPHIA: (going along with the improvising, trying to not have JANET stay on stage) But how will you go back to your own world?
PHIL: That's an excellent question, Belle.  Aurora? Care to tell us your plan?
SOPHIA: Oh, she doesn't have to explain. (It should be clear that SOPHIA just wants to JANET to leave as soon as possible) Here, I can help you begin your journey back home. (gets closer to JANET and begins to pull her arm.)
JANET: Sophia, stop that.
SOPHIA: (drops JANET's arm in horror) My name is not Sophia, it's Belle.
JANET: Oh, right.  Well, Belle, I didn't really appreciate that very much.
SOPHIA: You want to know what I didn't really appreciate?
JANET: What?
SOPHIA: That moment when you appeared out of nowhere in my bed.
JANET: (Disappointed in herself) Sorry.
PHIL: (Takes pity on her) How about you try to get up yourself?
JANET: I can't do that.
SOPHIA: What do you mean, you can't do that?
JANET: I just can't.
SOPHIA: Oh my god, Janet, just--
JANET: If you're Belle, and not Sophia, then I'm Aurora, and not Janet.  Listen-- I can't get up because I can't move out of this bed until my prince comes.  Right? (looks at PHIL, whispers the next line, but still loud enough for SOPHIA to overhear and roll her eyes at)  That is how my story goes, right?
PHIL: Yes, it is. Believe me, I would know. (Hint of the future!) (Pauses, then sighs) I have the strangest feeling that your prince isn't coming, Aurora.
JANET: Then I will wait here until he does.
SOPHIA: No! (Pauses) Your prince is coming right now, I promise.
JANET: Well I don't see him.
SOPHIA: Ah, look! Here he comes! (Waves at MARTIN, hoping that he will come on stage.  He's like a deer in headlights, and is completely frozen.)
PHIL: Um, Belle--
SOPHIA: Be quiet, Adam. (Walks over to MARTIN) Look, here's your prince. (Drags MARTIN over to the bed, where JANET is looking him over.) All he has to do is give you a kiss, and then you can leave the bed and you can leave our story. (Gestures to herself and PHIL.)
MARTIN: Um, Sophia--
SOPHIA: Belle.
MARTIN: Oh, right. Sorry. Belle, I don't know if I'm very comfortable with this?
SOPHIA: It's just a kiss, Martin.
MARTIN: Yeah, but I'm not really sure this is a good idea--
JANET: Do you not want to kiss me?
MARTIN: Oh no, I didn't-- I didn't mean it like that.
JANET:  I brushed my teeth this morning.
MARTIN: Oh, it's not that--
JANET: Why are you the one that doesn't want to kiss me? (Change of tone) I should be the one that doesn't want to kiss you.
MARTIN: Wait, what--
JANET:  In fact, I think I'd be doing you a favor, kissing you.
MARTIN: Hold on for a second--
JANET: Come on, Martin. I'm speaking the truth, and you know it.
MARTIN: Just because I'm stage manager doesn't mean that I don't get any bait.
JANET: Last time I asked around about you, everyone said that not only do you not have any bait, you don't even have a fishing line.
MARTIN: What's that supposed to mean--
SOPHIA: Focus!
MARTIN: Fine.  (Moves closer to JANET.  BILLY turns on a light that shines right onto JANET, and JANET dramatically looks to the source of the light and swoons after seeing BILLY.) Let's just do this--
JANET:  My angel...
MARTIN: Let's just get this over with--
JANET:  He gives me light...
MARTIN: It'll be quick, right--
JANET: (Right as MARTIN is almost at her lips) Wait!
SOPHIA: What now?
JANET: (To MARTIN) You are not my prince.
PHIL: Don't blame him.  No one was cast as your prince anyways.  Heck, you weren't even cast.
SOPHIA: Be quiet, Adam. (JANET has her attention, not PHIL.)
JANET: Martin, I'm sorry.
MARTIN: (Relieved) No, this is completely cool, so cool--
SOPHIA: Why on earth is he not your prince?
JANET: My prince is built.
MARTIN: (Pauses) Wait, Janet--
PHIL: She's Aurora.
JANET: (Making moon eyes at BILLY, to the point where he notices and is uncomfortably fidgeting around) He is so strong.
MARTIN: But I'm strong.
SOPHIA: Yes, Martin is strong.
JANET: (Takes a second away from BILLY to briefly look back at MARTIN) To be honest, Martin, you could spend a little bit more time at the gym.
MARTIN: (With less conviction) But I'm strong.
JANET: Do you even lift?
MARTIN: Yes! Yes, I do lift! I lift! I lift all the time!
JANET: Well, it doesn't really show.
MARTIN: I'm strong!
SOPHIA: Go away, Martin. (MARTIN opens his mouth to say something back, but SOPHIA cuts him off) You're strong, okay? Now go back to using your strength to continue your stage manager notes.
MARTIN: (goes back to his previous position) Not that there's much point to that now, seeing as we've completely fallen off of the script...
SOPHIA: All right, Aurora.  Who's strong enough to be your prince?
JANET: That nicely oiled lighting crew member right over there. (points to BILLY) I'd let him turn me on, if you know what I mean.
PHIL: (laughs)
SOPHIA: (death glare at PHIL, he stops laughing) Fine. (looks back to JANET) Do you know his name?
JANET: B-something? Bob? Bennie? Ah wait, Billy. His name is Billy.
SOPHIA: Hey, Billy!
JANET: Oh my god, Sophia, you can't just call him over--
SOPHIA: How many times do I have to tell you to call me Belle now? And I do what I want.  Billy!
JANET: Oh yeah, you. You big portion of freshly cut lean red meat--
BILLY: Maybe she's talking about a different Billy?
JANET: I could just put you on a grill and put a bucket of seasoning on you and have you completely covered by it--
BILLY: I really think she's talking about a different Billy.
JANET: When you're done cooking your flavor can explode inside of my mouth--
BILLY: Somebody please help me.
PHIL: Aurora, what kind of crazy stuff are you into?
SOPHIA: Seriously, stop it, Janet.
PHIL: She's Aurora.
SOPHIA and JANET: Whatever.
JANET: Oh Billy, faraway Billy, wilst thou bistow upon me thy kiss of true love?
PHIL: Why the sudden change to old-fashioned English?
JANET: I don't know.  It sort of felt natural.
BILLY: Oh god, um-- In years yonder I bid farewell to fair maidens such as thee--
JANET: Wait, stop.  I just-- Billy, I can't understand what you're saying. It's just-- you're spouting gibberish, Billy.
BILLY: Oh, sorry. (pauses) Listen, I just don't really know you.
JANET: It is I, Princess Aubrey!
PHIL: Aurora, you're Princess Aurora.
JANET: Oh shoot, you're right.  Sorry. (awkward pause, SOPHIA clears her throat) Look, I've been asleep for three thousand years, sometimes it's hard to remember my own name.
PHIL: You've only been asleep for a hundred years.
JANET: Should we just call you Aurora now?
PHIL: Oh no, sorry, it's just that...
JANET: Listen up, Phil--
PHIL: Adam. It's Adam.
JANET: Whatever.  Listen. You don't know me. You don't know my life!
PHIL: (awkwardly) Well, I kind of do. When I was younger, my mother used to read the fairytale of Sleeping Beauty to my sister and I before we went to bed, to the point where I now have most of the plot memorized.  In the fairytale, you were only asleep for a hundred years.
JANET: Well, this isn't the fairytale.  This is some strange play spin-off crossover with Beauty and the Beast mixed in.
PHIL: I guess you're right.
JANET: No, Phil--
PHIL: Adam.
JANET: You don't guess that I'm right, you know that I'm right.
SOPHIA: Where do you think you're going? (directed at BILLY, who has begun talking to RUTH, another member of lighting crew, and it's made obvious that he wants her to take his place on stage.)
BILLY: Oh, um, well--
SOPHIA: Just come on over and kiss the princess.
RUTH: Listen, he needs to go--
SOPHIA: Oh, really? Why?
BILLY: Well, you see-- I-- um--
RUTH: He's travelling.  On a plane. (BILLY looks to RUTH and she shrugs.)
SOPHIA: Really. How fascinating. (pause) Where are you going, Billy?
BILLY: Oh, well, you know-- there are so many places to visit-- so many places-- and yet I can't seem to recall-- oh wait I remem-- wait no that's not it-- well--
RUTH: (cutting in) He's going to--
SOPHIA: I didn't ask you.... (pauses) you person.
RUTH: I have a name.
SOPHIA: I have no cares.
RUTH: It's Ruth.
SOPHIA: It's not that important to the storyline.
BILLY: Washington, DC! I'm going to our nation's capital.  It's very exciting, isn't it?
(silence. a long period of silence. RUTH shakes her head, PHIL and JANET are confused, SOPHIA is dumbfounded)
SOPHIA:  You are taking a plane to Washington, DC.
SOPHIA: The closest airport to here is in Washington, DC.
BILLY: Yes. (pause) Oh.
MARTIN: (mutters) I can't believe she picked him over me.
JANET: I heard that, Martin.  And I'd take brawn over brains any day of the week, except for maybe Sunday. (MARTIN turns bright red.)
PHIL: Why not Sunday?
JANET: Because that's when I do all my homework, Phil.
PHIL: It's Adam.
JANET: It's also getting a bit repetitive at this point.
PHIL: Sorry.
SOPHIA: Can we get back to Billy?
JANET: Of course we can get back to that tantalizing, mouth-watering, fleshy--
BILLY: Janet, you're making me even more uncomfortable than how I already was.
PHIL: Her name's Aurora.
JANET: Phil, please just close your mouth and don't open it ever again if all you're going to do is tell everyone what someone's name is.  And Billy, what do you mean?
BILLY: I'm not some piece of meat.... Aurora.
JANET: Have you looked in the mirror recently? Because all I see is a gargantuan sirloin steak ready to--
RUTH: Listen, Billy has to go. I'll take over the light, and you guys can just keep on acting.
SOPHIA: But we need to get Aurora out of the bed before the actual acting can start up again.
BILLY: I am not kissing her.
SOPHIA: Why not?
BILLY: Well, I-- I don't know her.
SOPHIA: Come here. (BILLY walks over slowly after a long period of considering it) Sit down on the bed next to her.
BILLY: What? No!
JANET: It's okay, I won't bite you until things get steamy.
PHIL: Aurora, there are some things that shouldn't be said out loud in front of an audience.
SOPHIA: (snarky) I think that was made pretty clear in all the rehearsals we had for this, isn't that right, Adam?
PHIL: Ummm... yes--
SOPHIA: Huh. I wonder sometimes, Aurora, if you were even there.
JANET: Oh, shut it.
BILLY: I've got to go--
RUTH: Just let him go, it's no big deal.
JANET: You're not the one who's stuck onstage.
RUTH: You have legs. You can stand up and leave.
JANET: Not according to my storyline, I can't.
SOPHIA: Come on, Billy. It's just a kiss.
BILLY: (outburst) It's not just a kiss! (pauses) It's not just a kiss for me.
JANET: What do you mean?
BILLY: I'm already dating somebody, I don't want to cheat--
SOPHIA: It's not cheating if it's onstage.
BILLY: I'm still not too sure about this.
JANET: Come sit next to me and talk, then. Maybe we can get to know each other a little bit better.
At long last, BILLY sits down next to JANET.
BILLY: Okay.
JANET: Great. Where should we start off? Introductions?
BILLY: Sure. My name's Billy.
JANET: Hi, Billy. My name's Janet.
PHIL: Aurora.
JANET: What did I tell you about correcting names? Take a chill pill, Phil.
PHIL: Ad--(about to correct her, but decides not to) All righty, then.
BILLY: Ahah...hah... ha.
JANET: So, Billy, what do you like?
BILLY: Boys.
JANET: Really? Oh my god, same!
BILLY: (gets up off of the bed) You know what Janet--
PHIL: Auror-- ah wait, nope. Not going there.
BILLY: Whoever you are, it was very nice to talk to you, but I don't think I'm interested--
JANET: Of course you're not interested, you just reminded me that your name is Billy.
SOPHIA: Don't even start with the dad jokes, Janet.(PHIL glares at her) Aurora. Sorry, Adam.
PHIL: Phil!
SOPHIA: Wait, but I thought--
PHIL: Ah, wait. Nope, you're right. I'm Adam.
SOPHIA: (awkward pause) Okay. Now back to (pauses) Aurora. Listen. This was supposed to be my time to shine, and you took it away from me.
PHIL: And me.
SOPHIA: Sure. Anyways. Aurora, everyone in the audience knows that you're not actually Aurora, and that your real name is Janet.  Just like how they know by now that I'm actually Sophia, not Belle, and Adam is actually Phil, not Adam.  The illusion to this play was lost the second you popped up in my bed. Can you please think about just leaving? No one came to see you-- they came to see Beauty and the Beast. Stop stealing our spotlight.
JANET: I'm not trying to steal your spotlight--
SOPHIA: Of course that's what you say--
JANET: What on earth is that supposed to mean--
SOPHIA: Oh, nothing, maybe that you're just a self-centered little--
MARTIN: Will you two please cut it out?!
SOPHIA: Can't you tell her to leave?
MARTIN: I think you've tried that already, to no success.
SOPHIA: But doesn't she have to listen?
MARTIN: Well, seeing as she's not an official member of this cast, then no, she doesn't.
JANET: Just let my prince Billy Charming kiss me and-- (pause. She looks over at where BILLY was, only to find RUTH. BILLY had been slowly getting off stage from the moment that SOPHIA went on her rant.) Where'd Billy go?
RUTH: Oh, Billy? He's not here right now.
JANET: Where'd he go? (RUTH is silent.) The bathroom? Did he have to pee?
RUTH: No, he had to go home.
JANET and SOPHIA: Are you kidding me?
PHIL: You know what, things could be worse.
SOPHIA: Really, Prince Adam? How could they possibly be worse?
Silence consumes the stage. But then MARTIN gets an idea.
MARTIN: Wait-- what did you just call him?
SOPHIA: Prince Adam. I thought we agreed on calling each other by our stage names.
MARTIN: We did.  His stage name is Prince Adam.
PHIL: What are you saying?
MARTIN: That you're already a prince.  Aurora needs a kiss from a prince, and there's been one in front of her this entire time.
PHIL: But I'm Prince Adam.  She needs Prince Charming.
MARTIN: Prince This, Prince That, what does it matter?
SOPHIA: You're crazy, Martin.
PHIL: Yeah, that's a crazy idea, Martin.
SOPHIA: You're crazy in just the right ways, Martin.
PHIL: Wait, what?
SOPHIA: Listen, Phil. We were supposed to wrap this up awhile ago. We can share a prince if that means that the show will go on.
PHIL: I don't know, Belle.
JANET: We can try it, I suppose.
PHIL: I don't think I'm ready to try this.
JANET: Seriously? You're the third guy today who isn't ready to kiss me.
SOPHIA: You kiss me onstage. Why not her?
PHIL: I knew that I had to kiss you onstage a long time before I actually did.
JANET: You know what, this might be good.
SOPHIA: What do you mean?
JANET: I think that I need to establish a somewhat stable relationship with someone before I exchange spit with them.
MARTIN: Reminder that stage kisses are not French kisses unless explicitly noted, so please don't be exchanging spit with anyone on stage.
SOPHIA: Stage kisses aren't a big deal, Aurora.
JANET: Listen, all I'm asking for is for some time with your prince.  Some time to make me feel like I can trust him in a relationship, you know?
SOPHIA: But it's a fake relationship.
PHIL: The audience!
SOPHIA: They already know it's fake, Adam. Or should I say Phil?
PHIL: Adam in front of the audience, dearest Belle. And to go back to what Aurora was saying, I think that I could use a bit of time, also.  Not that long, just enough to prepare myself for the kiss.
SOPHIA: Fine. You two have five minutes, maximum.
PHIL: Okay. All right. (He goes to sit next to JANET on her bed) What should we do now?
JANET: Well... I guess that if we were actually dating, you would be complimenting me all the time.
PHIL: You're absolutely right. My golly, Aurora, what lovely hair you have.
JANET: Really? There's no bed head?
PHIL: Bed head?
JANET: It's not all messed up from me sleeping on it?
PHIL: Oh! No, Aurora, not at all. (She sighs happily) It's gorgeous.
JANET: Oh, Adam. Thanks.
PHIL: No problem. (long pause) Do we kiss now?
JANET: No, not now.
PHIL: Then what should we do? What do normal couples do?
JANET: We could do favors for each other.
PHIL: Like what?
JANET: Well... I'm feeling awfully hungry.
PHIL: You want me to go get you food?
JANET: That would be nice.
PHIL: (looks to MARTIN) I'm not sure I can leave the stage?
MARTIN: Yeah, you can't leave until you say your last lines.  I can go run to get some sort of food for you, though, if you really need it.
JANET: But then that wouldn't be Adam getting me food. That would be setting up a relationship with you.
PHIL: No, he could get it and then give it to me to give to you.
JANET: Relationships don't work like that, Adam.
SOPHIA: Okay, you know what, stop it. This is pointless.
JANET: (after a pause) But I am pretty hungry.
PHIL: I feel that. This play was supposed to be over forever ago. We should be at Silver Diner celebrating by now.
SOPHIA: Well, we're not, okay? Everyone is exhausted, it's not just you.
Suddenly, a noise comes from MARTIN. It's his cell phone.
MARTIN: Sorry. (He checks his phone.) Oh, it's my mom. Do you guys mind if I take this? (Nobody responds, besides a late shrug from SOPHIA.) Thanks. Hey, mom. (pauses) You're outside? (pauses) It's probably going to be awhile, sorry. (pauses) Yeah, I know that we ran over when I told you that I would be done, sorry. (pauses) Okay, sounds good. I'll be out as soon as I can. Bye. (hangs up the phone) Sorry, guys, but we have to wrap this up soon. My ride's here and cranky.
JANET'S MOM: Janet, honey, aren't you glad that I'm not that embarrassing? Aren't you glad? (someone in crowd pulls her down again.)
JANET: Mom, have you not been paying attention up here? You have to call me Aurora when I'm onstage.
SOPHIA: How about she doesn't call you anything when you're onstage?
JANET: You're just jealous because your mom isn't being supportive.
SOPHIA: My mom is supportive.
JANET: Then why can't I hear her? (A few seconds pass. Even SOPHIA is quiet. Nothing is heard.) That's right, you're jealous.
SOPHIA: Listen up, Aurora. I may not have my mother, but there are drama scouters in this audience supporting me.
PHIL: Scouters? More like outers because they've already left the auditorium.
JANET: Hah! That was funny!
SOPHIA: It was mediocre. (pauses) I just want to go home.
PHIL: How can we do that when she's on stage? (points to JANET)
SOPHIA: At this point, I don't care about her anymore. Let's just say our last lines and leave, okay?
PHIL: Okay.
JANET: Are you two serious right now? Are you seriously--
PHIL: I mean, Belle, I am completely in love with you, and I want to spend my entire life with you, even if that does mean eating only fried rice for the rest of my days.
SOPHIA: Adam, I... I love you, too. So much, Adam, I do.
PHIL: And I don't want to talk about our problems tomorrow. I want to talk about them now.  And then I want to fight and I want to make up with you and I want to hug you and maybe kiss you if I'm lucky. And then I want to cuddle up next to you and sleep with you.
SOPHIA: Sleep with me?
PHIL: I do love you, Belle.
JANET: Are you two kidding me right now?
SOPHIA: Oh, Adam.
PHIL: Oh, Belle. (PHIL and SOPHIA kiss.)
SOPHIA: Shall we go to bed?
PHIL: Let's take it back to my room, okay?
SOPHIA: Sounds wonderful.
PHIL: Come on, let's go. (They hold hands and leave stage.)
JANET: (after a moment or two) Were they serious?
MARTIN: Yep. (starts to take off his headset.) And I am, too. My ride's waiting.
JANET: What about the audience?
MARTIN: They can figure out what to do.
JANET: Martin, don't just leave me here, I can't leave this bed!
MARTIN: Fun fact: you have working legs. Another fun fact: if someone has working legs, then they can leave beds whenever they please. (MARTIN exits stage.)
JANET: I guess it's just you and me, now, Ruth.
RUTH: About that--
JANET: Not you too, Ruth. First you help my sirloin steak escape. Now you decide to leave me here alone?
RUTH: It's got nothing to do with you, it's just that I've got to go, also.
JANET: Ruth--
RUTH: I'm sorry, Janet.
JANET: It's Aurora in this play.
RUTH: I think the play is over, Janet. I'll tell the crews that everything's over so that you don't have to. (Leaves stage.)
JANET: This cannot be happening right now. I cannot be stuck on this bed, alone onstage with an audience expecting me to do something funny.
JANET'S MOM: (Stands up again from audience.) Why don't you tell a joke? (Pulled back down.)
JANET: Now is not the time for humor, Mom. (A male student dressed in an all black fancy outfit comes out of the wings. He is CHARLIE MING, and he is on running crew.) Oh, great. Now I'm getting booted from stage.
CHARLIE MING: Sorry, but I was told to start pushing this bed off of the stage.
JANET: Can you just... Can you just give me a minute?
CHARLIE MING: Of course. Take all the time you need... I'm sorry, but what's your name?
JANET: Aurora-- well, actually it's Janet, but I was just in this show, you see--
CHARLIE MING: But I thought we were putting on Beauty and the Beast?
JANET: It's a long story.
CHARLIE MING: (pauses, then sits next to JANET.) Well, Aurora, I have time.
JANET: Oh, no, I wouldn't want to waste your time.
CHARLIE MING: Time spent with a girl as pretty as you are is not time wasted.
JANET: (snorts in happiness) I'm sorry, but what did you say your name was?
CHARLIE MING: I haven't introduced myself yet.
JANET: Would you care to?
CHARLIE MING: Whatever you request, my dear. My name is Charlie, Charlie Ming. Friends call me Char. You can call me Char, too.
JANET: Char, huh? Well, nice to meet you, Char Ming. (shakes hands with the boy before putting on an "omfg" face.) Char. Char Ming. Charming! Your name is Charming!
CHARLIE MING: Yes, that would be me.
JANET: You aren't lying?
CHARLIE MING: Why would I lie to your pretty face?
JANET: This is extremely important, Char. You absolutely swear that you aren't lying to me right now?
CHARLIE MING: I absolutely swear that I am not lying to you.
JANET: Open up that wardrobe.
CHARLIE MING: All right. (He stands up and opens it.) Now what?
JANET: There should be a men's tuxedo jacket in there, if I remember correctly.
CHARLIE MING: There is. My, how did you know that? You're quite smart, Aurora.
JANET: Thanks. Would you do me a favor and put it on?
CHARLIE MING: Sure. (Puts on the jacket, turns to face JANET again.) Is this good?
JANET: More than good. You look like a true prince.
CHARLIE MING: Thank you, Aurora.
JANET: Now come back over here.
CHARLIE MING: Okay. (He sits back down on the bed with her.) Now what?
JANET: Kiss me.
JANET: Kiss me, my prince Char Ming.
CHARLIE MING: Are you sure?
JANET: Absolutely. Listen, I have to get out of this bed eventually. Do me a huge favor, ignore the audience, and kiss me.
CHARLIE MING: (looks awkwardly at the audience, but shrugs his shoulders eventually.) Whatever I can do to help you, Aurora. (They kiss.)
JANET: (finally stands up.) Wow.
CHARLIE MING: Well, that was nice.
JANET: Char... Thank you so much.
CHARLIE MING: My pleasure, Aurora.
JANET: No. Call me Janet now. My name, my real name, is Janet.
CHARLIE MING: Well, Janet, you certainly are something else.
JANET: In a good way or a bad way?
CHARLIE MING: A good way, definitely. (He stands up from the bed and joins her center stage.) So, Janet, was that kiss a one-time thing?
JANET: Well, Char, you didn't actually kiss me.
JANET: No. You kissed Aurora, not me. (pauses) Maybe you should fix that.
CHARLIE MING: Of course, Janet. (They kiss again.) Say, do you have any plans now?
JANET: No, not at all.
CHARLIE MING: How does Chinese sound?
JANET: Perfect.
CHARLIE MING: Great. Come on, let's go.
They exit stage.
JANET'S MOM: That's my girl!
Lights fade out.


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