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My Favorite Phrases

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At the moment, my two favorite phrases are “I love you”, and “I won’t do it again”. They’re my favorites because I hear them every day. “I love you, I won’t do it again.” Both are often accompanied by some type of apology, as each bruised arm or cut lip is kissed, punctuated by “I love you, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” But with these promises we both know that it’s my fault. I texted him, I made a rude comment, I wore that. How could it not be my fault? “I love you, but this is your fault. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again”. Every minute we’re together though, every connection between hand and face, I know he isn’t sorry, he doesn’t care. I’ve brought this on myself and I must be punished. Each phrase coming out of his mouth is contorted with rage. “I love you but this is your fault. You brought this on yourself, but I won’t do it again”. Even I know that I can’t leave, it’ll only make the situation worse, he’ll get angrier. And I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me so bad, he’s just looking out for me, and I love him… “This is your fault, you brought this on yourself, you better not do it again”. And it is not until now that I realize my favorite phrases… are coming out of my mouth. “I’m sorry, I love you. I won’t do it again”.

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