Secrets

April 5, 2009
By biggerinfinities SILVER, Superior, Colorado
biggerinfinities SILVER, Superior, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower


Manhattan is a extremely noisy metropolis, always, all the time. But it seems to be too tiny a city to hold such immense secrets...


Their clan lived in the middle of Manhattan, the heart you could say. They could camouflage themselves as humans in society, but that's not what they were, not humans. They were fond of the dark and obscurity because it hid what they had to hide. The energy that kept them alive pulsed through them like a train that refuses to halt no matter what. But they were not humans. Not at all.


Evelyn Quintessa Ivaylo paced the halls of her academy intolerantly. The energy in body rippled, so she struggled to soothe herself with calming exercises. If the energy that kept her alive got a good deal too excessive she would detonate. Most of her kind believed it was a myth, but Evelyn knew it was factual .She was simply more experienced than the rest of them. However, at the moment she was concerned about what the administrator was going to say about her appearance in the human world without her proper training.


The Academy was all about learning the ways of humans and how to blend in with them. Without the training they needed, things could go hideously, unpleasantly wrong. Though it was a tradition throughout their kind to go up and make a minor scene when they were sixteen, Evelyn knew she wouldn’t be excused. Her father was a general, so she didn’t see him much, but everybody seemed to demand more of her and her little brother than everybody else.


“Alright, Miss Ivaylo you are free to go, “the administrator informed Evelyn, like she was a prisoner, when they were done with the scolding. Evelyn mumbled a thank-you and virtually shot out of the room, resembling a bullet. She had to get home or Owen would forget to feed himself ...again.


Owen Zeke Ivaylo was eleven years old and a scientist. Since their species’ aged significantly slower than normal beings, in human years Owen would be about three hundred years old. Owen had a staggering mind after all these years and was the leader Ilta - the general name of their species- in the laboratory.


“Hey, how was the screeching?” Owen insisted on inquiring.

“Fine, fine, he wasn’t all that infuriated with me. What are you working on now?” Owen was always working on something original. Though it almost never enthralled her, she asked because he adored discussions about whatever it was.


“All right, so you already know about how we Ilta species are made up of plasma, advanced technology, and energy. Even though we look, in our true form, exactly like humans, right?” he all but shouted.

Evelyn rolled her eyes. All newborn Ilta’s learned that their first day at the Academy. “Duh, Obviously I know that, what am I, brainless ?” she fumed. Owen shot her an aching fixed stare that silenced her instantaneously. To be unintelligent in their society was a curse and disgraceful thing for the family sector.


“No...... I can’t imagine that....and don’t say that again, they cannot help what they are” Owen replied gravely. Evelyn was hushed, thinking he was so young to be so old. He continued as if it didn’t happen “Yes, well, we are working on a way so that we can become human.... for those that want to......” he mused.


Evelyn froze. Human? That couldn’t be feasible.....and even if it was.... who would want that? To die so young and have so many frivolous worries. To have wars and pollution and weapons and malevolent combinations and enemies? Nothing was worth that, Evelyn was certain about that. Exceedingly certain.

The author's comments:
I love to write, and I had this random idea while in English. I would LOVE comments and feedback, both positive and negitive!!!

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This article has 16 comments.


on Aug. 4 2013 at 6:01 pm
RelativetoWriting GOLD, Brecksville, Ohio
13 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes."
-Walt Whitman

I love this idea! Your imagery is extraordinary, and I love how you convey human emotion in non-human characters. This certainly would make a great novella or novel! Keep writing!

on Apr. 12 2011 at 7:01 pm
biggerinfinities SILVER, Superior, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

whoa whoa guys, i wrote this when i was like, 10. So i know its not very good, but one out of five stars? ouch.

on Apr. 4 2010 at 7:17 pm
biggerinfinities SILVER, Superior, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

oh, sure ill rate your stuff!

_NoAir_ BRONZE said...
on Apr. 4 2010 at 11:07 am
_NoAir_ BRONZE, Toronto, Other
4 articles 1 photo 463 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. Each one deserves a closer look.


–Golly (Harriet The Spy)

Love this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on Mar. 27 2010 at 8:54 am
MissFaber SILVER, Wayne, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 156 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing Less.

That definetely hooked me. It sounds like a really great idea for a novel....

could you comment and rate my stuff? it would be greatly appreciated!


on Dec. 19 2009 at 9:11 am
TheStoryWeaver GOLD, Sofia, Other
12 articles 4 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The Aenied is an Odyssey of epic proportions." - Caleb
"Eve was deceived and ate the fruit, Adam ate it out of stupidity." - Mr. M
"Begone ye map of woe!"
"I'm the map..." - Lydia and Caleb.

This was really good but a little too flowery. :) it really captivated me though, i want to know more!

on Sep. 26 2009 at 8:52 pm
Rachel_Beth GOLD, Rainsville, Alabama
11 articles 3 photos 19 comments
wow.. i really enjoyed your work!! :)

on Sep. 5 2009 at 3:33 pm
AngelMRaven BRONZE, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments
One word-WOW :)

on May. 15 2009 at 11:30 pm
biggerinfinities SILVER, Superior, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Well. yeah, im working on it, it ctually is about five/six more pges long but i didnt know if they would post it if it was too long!;)

on May. 12 2009 at 2:30 am
RheaD.Ravenfinger BRONZE, Juneau, Alaska
4 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Okay, this short story has potential to be longer and more elaborate, maybe a full length story, I mean there is TONS of fun things to work on here. Very exciting. Are you going to extend it to something longer? I'd read it. Oh and I am the same Rhea D. Ravenfinger with the spaces.

on May. 3 2009 at 11:10 am
Chicken--Pie SILVER, Higher Bebington, Other
8 articles 1 photo 17 comments
I think the idea you have is good, and your writing style is good too. But I agree with Denae that you gave too much away at the begining. Or, at leat, too much of the wrong things. Talk about the general state of the world first. It's like a camera zooming in. You come closer and closer in until you're just focusing on one person, like Evelyn. I LOVE paragraph 2. It's so cleverly written. It made me smile for some odd reason. I love the whole sci-fi thing. It's so fun to write as well as to read.

Mikal SILVER said...
on Apr. 24 2009 at 11:49 pm
Mikal SILVER, Brooklyn, New York
6 articles 0 photos 41 comments
This story can only be described with a word..........................AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on Apr. 24 2009 at 5:41 pm
Inkspired PLATINUM, Whitby, Other
26 articles 0 photos 493 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If one will scoff at the study of language, how, save in terms of language, will one scoff?" - Mario Pei
"I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn't, I would die." Isaac Asimov

I love this story, it's so mysterious, although I agree with Denae, that you should not give away so much at the beginning. However, I really like the idea, and the fact that no one would want to be human! :P Amazing!!

on Apr. 15 2009 at 4:23 am
Denae Worcester BRONZE, Castle Rock, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 31 comments
So, good idea, and I think you can defintely do more with this, but I have a few pointers.

You start out with a good attention getter with the secrets in Manhattan and all that, but you tell WAY too much before getting to the meat of your story. Try showing more or telling slowly, integrated into the rest of the story. Or, just start somewhere else, more interesting.

(like, is someone in danger? Are humans about to all die out? Is Owen, or his sister, an outcast for something?)

on Apr. 14 2009 at 12:08 am
biggerinfinities SILVER, Superior, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

thanks! i need to work on it though..

Miaoru said...
on Apr. 13 2009 at 4:56 pm
Miaoru, Sunnyside, New York
0 articles 0 photos 57 comments
I like the last paragraph! It really shows how we humans are! Also, this story was very creepy-in a good way! Great job! :)




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