Idiom Intervention This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

November 2, 2017

“Is your translator microbe broken?”

 

“Um, no.”

 

“I do not understand. What is … ‘goat’?”


“You know, a goat! That animal that jumps off rocks and stuff and go baaaaah.”


“I am not in possession of a goat.”


“Yeah, I know. It’s just a saying humans have. Don’t let them get your goat.”


“How do I defend my goat? Where do I find this goat? Will it cost me many credits?”


“It’s not a real goat. I told you. A metaphorical goat. Your patience is your goat.”


“My patience is not a goat. It is a high threshold for epinephrine release.”


“I know. It’s a metaphor. MEH-TAH-FORE. It means try not to let people get to you.”


“Where are they ‘getting’ me? Who are ‘they’ and why am I their target?”


“Ugh, no. I just mean like if someone’s really annoying or bothering you then you need to be relaxed and not get angry or whatever.”


“My behavior is never so heathenous. My epinephrine threshold is impeccable.”


“Maybe I’m the one who needs to not let you get my goat.”


“Have I taken your goat? I was not aware you were in possession of a goat. But I have succeeded! It is desirable to have the goat, yes?”


“No! It means you’re getting on my nerves!”


“I am on top of the flooring material. Relative to your peripheral nervous system, I am nowhere near your information currents, nor am I on top of them.”


“That’s not what I mean, Afann! God, you Foran’Ti are so dense.”


“My being density is much less than that of any terrestrial organism.”


“I’m talking about your head. Your skull is too thick for anything I say to get through.”


“I do not have calcium structures within my body. My mechanical wavelength receptor is not dependent on such cellular components.”


“It’s like I’m talking to a goldfish.”


“I am not a goldfish. I am Foran’Ti. There are many notable differences between-”


“Yeah, did you not hear the word ‘like’ in there? Metaphor, Afann.”


“Your linguistic development concerns me, Jorj.”


“Or maybe you’re just too much of a smart­ass to bother with anything creative.”


“Smartass … does this refer to an intelligent donkey, or do you imply that the human brain is located in the gluteus maximus?”


“Honestly, it depends on who you talk to.”


“This is a notable variation in human anatomy. Why was it not taught in training?”


“Dude, I was joking.”


“What is humorous about the location of your central ganglion?”


“You’re killing me, Afann.”


“I am not! That is a grossly inaccurate statement to the proportion of contact currently in session and would be a direct violation of our peace agreement! … Why are you smiling?”


“I got your goat.”


“What?”


“I got your goat! Ha!”


“I do not understand. You are no longer accusing me of killing you. Why are you happy? I am not in possession of a goat.”


“I got your goat, I got your goat, I got your goat!”


“What is this? What is the significance of you singing these words?”

 

“You were just gloating about how patient you are and that you never get mad, but here I am getting to you.”

 

“I do not understand.”


“Well, that isn’t news.”


“Is a congratulations in order? You appear very prideful.”


“No, this is my moment. Don’t congratulate me.”


“Congratulations.”


“Uuuggghhhhhh!” 

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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literaCThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 16 at 3:26 pm
This is hilarious! I love your idea; it's totally original and fun. One of the best pieces I've read on Teen Ink. Excellent job :)
 
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