Gone Again

June 7, 2017
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Lucinda sat on the cold metal ledge and peered out the window. She cradled her warm legs in her arms desperate for heat. She searched for answers or reassurance in the landscape that everything was going to be “okay”, but it wasn’t there. Lucinda looked out and into the vast and bare mountains. They were so desolate and gave her no fond memories. Sitting and thinking about the mountains made her recall a time when she was a mere eight years old; lonely, cold, hungry, selfless, but safe and at home. This feeling of safety changed when her mother passed away of an incredibly rare form of cancer called Glioblastomo multiforme brain cancer.

Lucinda’s memories of this time rapidly came back to her. She remembered the overwhelming feeling of the doctors telling her that her mom had only a matter of days left to live. They also told Lucinda that her mom’s memories would be lost, slowly but surely; they said that the memories would fade and eventually be gone. The memories would be gone, they would be gone like a part of herself that she could never get back. As she looked at the mountains, she remembered what she had lost.

Now, at the age of sixteen, Lucinda still felt like there was something missing inside of her. Now she knew and anticipated what her father was going to do. Her parents had met in college and there were both studying Astrophysics. From then on, they were inseparable. They pursued the same internships, the same jobs, the labs, and same missions. They worked together on their last mission called Anegogian. After Lucinda’s mother died, the laboratory decided to drop the mission and close study. However, her father begged and persisted that he need more time to prove that the Anegogian mission was valuable. So, the lab gave him eight years––no more, no less. Lucinda knew that he dad had found valuable evidence and was going into space. She knew that her father was going to leave her and venture to find something because he missed Lucinda’s mother.

The Anegogian mission was one of the most dangerous and seemingly impossible missions. So she knew once her father left, he wasn’t coming back. It was like the 0.34% chance of her mother surviving–– Lucinda knew her mother wouldn’t make yet she still had hope. However, this time when her father decided to leave there was something missing. Her hope and blindsightedness was gone.

It was like a wound in her heart was being reopened. She didn’t want her father to leave. A tear then trickled down her face. She hated her father for wanted to leave her, practically the only thing he had left. Another tear rolled down her face. She wanted him to stay and pursue something other than the Anegogian mission. More tears started falling. She didn’t him to come, just so that he could leave. If he were to leave, Lucinda would be losing something again. Then as a downpour of tears came, the rain came as well. She wished the water would wash away all her fear and worries, but deep down she knew it wouldn’t. Lucinda was pulled out of her trance when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She jumped and turned around. Then, standing there was her father, drenched in rainwater and tears.
“Lucinda, I need to talk to you,” her father muttered quietly. It was the moment she had been dreading. She stared at him bewildered, Lucinda caught ahold of herself and realized the rage she felt.
“NO! You can’t just do this to me,” Lucinda yelled furiously. Her father stood there astonished and silenced, she had never lashed out like that.
Then quietly he said “I’m leaving––––”.
“STOP!” she yelled. No matter what she did she knew she couldn’t change his mind. And no matter what he did he knew he couldn’t change her mind.

Then the realization hit her, he was going to leave her. Lucinda tried to believe that someday he would come back, but she knew that deep down she would be lying to herself if she believed that. Emptiness filled her body as her heart ached. Lucinda felt the same things she did when her mom left her. It was like another part of herself was lost, it was gone again.

Her face stung with the constant rush of hot tears.
“Lucinda, I need to talk to you now,” her father said to her rather sternly. She slumped down in the corner and realized that she would have to face him eventually. She had given up everything–tangible and intangible–other than her father. Lucinda then felt her father slowly slip out of her reach.
“What do you need?” she mumbled quietly. She looked at him, and then to the barren landscape drenched with rain.
“Lucinda, come with me on my mission, we can go together,” he said desperately. Then she realized that she too would be gone, gone from the face of the Earth. Lucinda’s family was slowly crumbling and falling down, until it was gone–again.






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