March 22, 2009
By JamieDitaranto SILVER, Paramus, New Jersey
JamieDitaranto SILVER, Paramus, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Chapter 1

A single dandelion stood straight up out of the ground. He was white and puffy with his wispy little seeds. He waited there for two days for a random gust of wind to blow him dry and bare. However, that plan changed when a puffy eyed girl with a heavy heart spotted him.

Minnie stomped along the sidewalk, each of her steps clomped against the hard concrete. She held her head down, staring at her feet, watching as they scuffled one in front of the other, propelling her forward. She had decided to take a longer route home. Home was just another reminder that she had nowhere else to be.

She started to regret this decision as her eyes started to well up, but she wouldn’t allow one single tear to escape. She must hold it all in until she got inside her house and locked the door. The chances of somebody glancing out of the window and seeing her are slim but it didn’t matter to Minnie. She wouldn’t allow anyone to see her cry.

She found our dandelion, minding his own business, on the corner of Maple Ave. and Oak St. growing in a small wild patch of grass that went unnoticed by whoever cut the grass. Minnie found herself attracted to his fluffy white feathers. She slowed down to get a better look.

Minnie remembered when she first learned about these puffballs in the ground. She was about six years old when her and her older cousin were playing in the backyard. She remembered how odd she found it when her cousin pulled out one of these creatures and blew off all its fluff. She asked him about it.

“I just made a wish. If you’re lucky, wishes come true.” As he told this to her, Minnie’s eyes grew wide and glossy.

“I can wish for anything I want?” She would ask him; for there were so many things she could wish for.

“Anything you want.” He smiled at her. Then he blew a fuzzy dandelion into her face. It was one of the happiest days Minnie could remember.

Our Dandelion was a good one. None of his seeds had fallen out and his stem was thick tethering him to the ground. She bent down and started to tug him out of the ground. He was stuck but after a couple of fist clenching tries she got him out. She stood up and twirled him in between her fingers and it only took a short moment for her to realize what she should wish for.

“I wish I could escape.” Minnie whispered in the ear of our dandelion.

She blew a warm soft air through him and all his small seeds were carried away. She watched them while they scattered in the wind taking her highest wish with them. She closed her eyes tightly for only a second, now hoping that when she opened them she would no longer be where she was.

She flittered her lids open slowly. Disappointed, she found herself still standing on the corner of Maple and Oak. She sighed and accepted that life couldn’t be that easy. She started to walk home again.

But before her first step could hit the cold concrete, something pulled her downward. A whoosh blew through her eats and her stomach moved up into her heart. She wasn’t falling, it felt more like someone tied a rope around her waist and was using the unnecessary force of three elephants to pull her down.

She couldn’t see anything at all. It was as though everything around her disappeared.

All her senses could take in was the air, which smelled like biting into a freshly picked juicy red apple. It actually seemed like she was falling through air, even though she was just standing on solid ground, and now she was falling through something. Confusion overwhelmed her, but the glimmer of hope inside of her told her that this was her wish.
She drifted for a minute before landing roughly into a soft patch of dirt. She sat for a second and tried to get a good look of where she was. She stood up and rubbed her pants clean of the dark brown patches that had resulted from the fall. The dirt was dark brown and very mushy against her feet. The patch of soil was shaped almost like a crop circle. Shaped in an almost perfect circle, sticking out like blemish on a clear face among a field of baby yellow dandelions. An endless field of dandelions, that seemed to go on forever, but Minnie thought she could make out thick woods in the far, far distance. She looked up into the sky, it was completely white, no clouds or sun, just plain white light.
“Get out of the dirt!” She turned at the sound, which interrupted her infatuation with the strange sky. A boy who looked slightly younger than her was yelling out to her in a thick southern accent. He was pointing towards her feet frantically as he motioned her to move.
“What?” she yelled. She had trouble understanding what he wanted, since the dirt seemed to be fine. She looked down and realized that it was not fine, that she was now ankle deep in the dirt and it was sucking her in more and more, faster and faster.
She screamed, she had only been standing here for five seconds, or had it been longer? No, she had only just got here.
“C’mon hurry!” He yelled again urgently and annoyed at her lack of following directions.
She unstuck her legs having to fight against the pull of the dirt. Now the dirt felt more like sticky glue than the soft mush it had been before. She ran on her tiptoes across the field over to the boy.
She caught her breath for a minute. “What was that, quicksand?” She asked him as he stared at her, sizing her up, looking at her with moderate curiosity.
“No,” he paused as he took her in, “just really fast dirt.” He was completely barefoot. His clothes were worn out and dirty; they look as if they haven’t been washed in weeks. His arms were thin but muscular. He wasn’t too tall, but he still towered over Minnie’s short stature. “I’m Kev.” He said this almost hesitantly.
“Like Kevin for short?” she asked, hoping to hold on to some sort of familiarity.
“Not really.” He answered shortly.
“Oh… I’m Minnie.” Suddenly she realized that there were more important topics of discussion then introductions at this point. “Um…Where am I?” She looked up with him with one of the most helpless faces he had ever seen.
He sighed. “C’mon, let’s go.” He turned around and started walking. He sounded annoyed like she had just sent him off on one of his most hated chores. It was as if he expected her to know what was going on.
“Wait a minute!” she was very demanding now, “I want to know what has happened to me. There I was standing on the corner of Maple and Oak minding my own business--” He cut her off before she could finish and explain what seemed liked the most important part of the story.
“Maple and Oak?” He turned his head quickly and stared at her now more. His voice was more urgent now.
“Yeah… Is that important?” She stared back at him like a strange animal she had never seen before. She had no idea what was going on. Everything was so strange.
“Yes, it is”. He changed his direction now. “Hurry up now, she’ll want to meet you.” He had her back towards her and started walking while she stood there confused.
“Who?” She asked the back of his head.
“No questions, c’mon.” He walked faster now. “I’ll explain later. We gotta go.”
Minnie didn’t think that anything coming out of her mouth wouldn’t be a question. So she shut up and followed Kev. He was bossy and she could tell how he looked down at her that he thought he knew it all. Which she really couldn’t blame him for because she knew nothing at all. She didn’t seem to have much choice in the matter. She was all alone in somewhere different. He seemed like he knew what he was doing. She was completely clueless.
Minnie hadn’t wished for this. She wanted to be in a better place away from home and school and the people she spent everyday with. She didn’t want to be here. She was far from homesick, but she didn’t find this place where dirt can eat you and rude boys ignore you very satisfying. She tried to remember to be more specific the next time she made a wish. She looked along the field of yellow dandelions. It looked like she wouldn’t have to wait a while.

The author's comments:
The first only chapter...
so far.

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This article has 6 comments.

on Apr. 6 2009 at 2:46 am
it's a really good start but i think it just needs more revising/editing to fix grammatical errors. for example, there were a couple areas where the tenses were different.

it's very good, though. keep up the good work

storres9 said...
on Apr. 5 2009 at 11:35 pm
Jamie, this is really gooood!!!! i wanna know what happens!!! =)

ohmyshreya said...
on Apr. 3 2009 at 1:49 am
This is amazing! You are really good at writing Jamie. Can you write more chapters..I want to know what happens to the girl!

:) <3

on Apr. 2 2009 at 11:22 pm
I definitely enjoyed this. Though this plotline has been used so many times, it's something that can easily be expanded upon and made into something unique.

Aside from a few grammatical errors, it's easy to understand and easy to get a picture of what is going on in the story. However, I'd like to say that you should elaborate more in your descriptions of things. Take the time to set the stage /exactly/ how you want people to see it.

For example, try to see how much detail you can put into the magical dandelion since it's so important. Is its stem thick and rugged like a green, miniature tree? Or is it delicate and defined, like an artfully sculpted glass rod? How do the powdery little sails connected to the seeds compare with, say, a spider web's intricacy? Use all the senses, and bring character to even the inanimate portions of your story.

Keep going!

Your super awesome buddy,


xxlaurenxx said...
on Apr. 2 2009 at 11:18 pm
this was in your writing folderr =]

your pieces seem to have sort of a surreal twist to them. very nice keep writing chica!

Stephookie said...
on Apr. 2 2009 at 11:15 pm
It has a nice plot, and prose-like sentences. You pair words up very well so the writing sounds pretty. However, the idea of your story has been used already. And you have grammatical and spelling errors.

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