Court; where nothing is fun!

May 16, 2017
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Court; where nothing is fun!
“So, remind me why I’m in court,” said Prince Whatever to his lawyer Andrew.
“Because you're held accused of breaking the law,” Andrew replied while turning his head back to Prince Whatever as they walked to the courtroom.
“And what law would that be,” Prince asked defiantly.
“That would be Newton’s laws,” answered a figure in the shadows. The figure steps forth showing it to be Sirena.
“Sayyyy what,” Prince said with his neck outstretched.
“Yeah, I’m representing Newton; because he isn’t here.”
“Well, why are you going against me. We’re friends.”
“Ha! Scarcely, and this is why I don’t feel bad about going against you.”
“But what about the time I gave you mah spaghetti?”
“It was cold and two days old. Besides; it. Tasted. Like. Mold,” Sirena coldly stated.
“Oh heck no! No one says that to my dearly beloved spaghetti.” Prince Whatever approaches Sirena ready to lay siege upon her; but Andrew quickly pulls him away.
“Hey stinky, why’d you stop me from avenging the spaghetti,” Prince Whatever said angrily.
“Because it’ll sway the judge towards her side,” Andrew responded.
“But after the case I can lay siege to her; right,” Prince Whatever asked.
“Yeah, go nuts for all I care; now c’mon the court is almost in session.”
In le court room
As they entered the courtroom, they saw the judge wasn’t there.
“People said he was a professional judge, but what he did here was really unprofessional,” Prince Whatever judgingly said. But, right after Prince Whatever said that; a figure in the edge of the courtroom where there was a lot of darkness stepped up showing it to be Vlad in a judge outfit.
“Man, there are a lot of dark places here,” noted Prince Whatever.
Some time later…
After the Bailiff introduced the case Andrew stepped up to introduce themselves.
“Your honor, members of the jury, I am here to represent Prince Whatever in the case of Prince Whatev-
“Is this true Mr. Andrew? Are you trying to provide the court with useless evidence,” asked the Judge.
“N-No, your honor. This evidence is crucial to the case, now if you may let me continue,” Andrew faltered slightly with beads of sweat starting to form down his forehead.
“Very well, you may proceed,” continued Judge Vlad.
“Alright, moving onto the case,” said Andrew as he pulled out papers from his suitcase nearby; “April 11,” Andrew stops briefly while carefully analyzing the paper he was reading, “oh my the date is smudged here; oh well you all know when it happened,” shrugged Andrew as the court agreed.
“It was on this day when Prince Whatever was caught double-jumping to get onto a roof so he can… get spaghetti?”
“That’s what I gave Sirena,” said Prince Whatever with a smile. Sirena overhearing this flashes him a frown.
“Your Honor, the prosecution is flashing me an evil sadistic glare,” Prince Whatever pointed out.
“Ms. Sirena I will not have any kind of nonsense in my court,” Judge Vlad disapprovingly declared.
“B-but your honor; he-he just said something insulting about me,” Sirena cried out.
“Now, Now; no one likes a tattle-tale, please proceed Mr. Andrew,” said the Judge.
“Thank you your honor,” responded Andrew. Sirena slunked back in her chair in grief.
Montage Time
(Scene 1) Andrew: “Blah, Blah, blah. Boring stuff, facts you already know, waifus and senpais.”
(Scene 2) Prince Whatever takes experimental drugs and turns super buff.
(Scene 3) The Judge is sleeping while Sirena does direct examination to a witness of the defense.
“That’s it this is turning ridiculous,” whispered Sirena to herself as fireworks exploded in the room.
“Where’s the logical progression of all this, this seems like the work of a madman,” she continued.
“I mean, how long have we been here,” she thought while trying to remember.
“THREE DAYS,” she screamed in her mind upon remembering. Sirena straightens up and stands up from her chair.
“Your honor, I call for a recess,” asked Sirena to the Judge.
“Request accepted; ten minute recess break,” the Judge responded.
But then at that moment, pineapples.
“Wait, your honor this evidence (the spaghetti) the prosecution has presented has pineapples in it and Prince Whatever is allergic to pineapples,” cried Andrew.
“It’s true,” said a bloated Prince Whatever.
“Either someone tampered with the evidence or someone deliberately tried to kill Prince Whatever,” exclaimed Andrew.
“I was awake the entire time and I saw the evidence as Prince Whatever has given it to me, with no pineapples on it. So, how did the spaghetti (evidence) get pineapples in it without anyone seeing it,” thought Sirena to herself.
“Your honor, let me see the photo with me grabbing the spaghetti and I can prove someone put pineapples on it,” said a miraculously-recovered Prince Whatever.
“Well, it is a Prince Whatever story so… why not,” said Judge Vlad as he handed him the photo in the bag. Prince Whatever grabbed a magnifying glass from off the floor and examined it. In the photo there was Prince Whatever grabbing a plate of spaghetti off a roof, the brick building he was on, no other humans but him around, it was at dawn, and… that’s it.
“Hmmm,” hummed Prince Whatever as his head did a 360 degree turn. The court and jurors watched as he carefully examined it.
“Your honor, I would like to point out that this is off-,” protested Sirena before the Judge stopped her saying,
“Sirena, what did I tell you about ‘no nonsense in my court’, if you give us one more piece of nonsense then I’ll have you out of my court.”
“Yes, your honor,” replied Sirena as she sat down indignantly.
“A-ha,” cried Prince Whatever, “the prosecution has said that there was no one else when I was on the crime scene… but there’s a huge contradiction with that!” The jury starts mumbling.
“Order! Order,” cries the Judge as he uses his gavel.
“Please enlighten us,” the Judge continues as he focuses back on Prince Whatever.
“The prosecution has said that there was no one else on the photo; but there’s clearly another person,” Prince Whatever says matter-of-factly. Sirena with sweat running down her forehead looks at Prince Whatever and asks, “And who might it be?”
Prince Whatever skims his hand around the photo and then aims it at the sky where there is a bird seen flying.
“Why… that… that’s a bird,” the Judge said with a surprised tone.
“Yes, a bird,” Prince Whatever says with a smug look on his face.
“Your honor, I wasn’t alone when I was taking the spaghetti! This bird is crucial to the case,” Prince declared.
“In fact, this bird is the final nail to the coffin,” Prince shouted. The jury then goes wild, with roars and shrieks being heard. The Judge then slams the gavel several times.
“The defense requests that the bird be brought in for cross-examining,” adds Prince Whatever.
“I don’t know how that would help the case or how even that would make any sense… but screw it, Baliff go find the bird to be cross-examined.”
5 seconds later…
A chicken is on the stand ready for cross-examination.
“That-that’s a chicken,” stumbles Sirena.
“Witness… your testimony please,” the Judge states.
Chicken: “Bawk Bawk Bawk Bawk. Bawk Bawk. Bawk Bawk!” (In Sirena’s mind, “Is this really happening? Are we really cross-examining a chicken? Can someone even understand what it says or someone even care to fill me in on what the heck is going on because I am about to lose my mind here.”) After, the chicken finished Prince Whatever stood up and asked, “Wait… what do you mean by ‘bawk’?”
“Bawk… bawk bawk,” the chicken nervously bawks back. It starts sweating and it stops looking at Prince Whatever directly.
“Hmm,” Prince Whatever breathes as he puts his forefinger to his chin.
“Bawk,” the chicken bawks very nervously as it avoids any eye contact with Prince Whatever. The chicken then quickly pulls out a tranquilizer gun and attempts to shoot Prince Whatever with it but ends up missing and hits Andrew. Andrew falls to the floor with a groan and Prince Whatever announces, “Yep, totally legit. This bird has nothing to do at all with this case.”
“Your honor, did you not see that,” Sirena asks baffled.
“Yes I did. The defense is unconscious,” the Judge replies slightly surprised.
“Yes, but th-the bird-the chicken shot Defense attorney Andrew with a tranquilizer gun and you just let it go,” she says with anger in her tone.
“Sirena what did I tell you about nonsense in my court,” the Judge authoritatively demands.
“But- the-the bird-chicken, it shot-,” as Sirena tries to explain the chicken throws the tranquilizer gun at her.
“OW,” cries Sirena as she falls to the ground.
“Sirena,” the Judge says surprised.
“It’s okay… your honor… I’m alright,” Sirena slowly says as she gets back on her feet.
“What are you doing with the murder weapon,” the Judge demands. The crowd now really goes wild; with shouts and loud mumbling occurring.
“Are you all blind,” Sirena asks angrily, “that bird-chicken! Threw it at me.”
“I’ve had enough of your nonsense, Sirena I find you guilty of all three crimes and now I sentence you to be locked away in a birdcage.”
“NNNN OOOO,” yells Sirena.
One waking up later…
“NNNOOOO,” yells Sirena as she jumps up from her bed. She then looks around her surroundings and sees she isn’t in a courtroom but sees she’s in her room.
“Oh, thank goodness; it was all just a dream,” she sighs. (Prince Whatever enters her room), “Sirena, get ready. Court is going to begin in two hours.”
“NOOOOO,” yells Sirena.
“Also, I ate your waffles,” Prince Whatever added.
“NOOOOO,” Sirena yells once more.

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