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Survival of the Fittest
They were ready. They prepared for this their whole lives, and knew how dangerous this mission was.
The new space men, Harala, Billy, Lugio, and Bob, were going to explore the brand new planet P-87-Q. THe planet is full of mysterious creatures and brand new historical landmarks. And as soon as they touched down on the planet, with their spaceboat, THE CRUSHER, got trodden on by a giant foot.
CRUNCH!!! The crusher was the one getting crushed. Bob cringes. He knows it is his fault. He gets the group into ironic situations a lot.And these brave space heroes now have to live on a dangerous planet with absolutely no hope of getting home. They all felt anxiety as they each went absolutely bananas, and started climbing up peanut trees and running into solid dirt walls (I only know this because I am the writer of this thing).
After flipping out, the people and baboon start finding materials to survive. Harala gets food, Billy gets water, Bob gets shelter, and Lugio gets stepped on by the giant foot. This was a nice way to end Lugio’s day. The rest take a glance up and realize that it belongs to a towering tyrannosaurus rex and kowtowed in terror. Yes, this is a planet where dinosaurs haven’t gone extinct, and gain exciting new powers.
Suddenly, a gang of Dilophosaurus, three in total,Burney,Homework, and Tough Luck, riding dispatching Jack O'Lanterns appears, enslaving the baboon Harala, and taking Billy. They tell Bob they’re going to come for him later.
“So don’t move a muscle”, as quoted by leader Tough Luck.
When they leave, Bob sprints like he was running with the bulls into the jungle of Cup Of Coffee. First he steals the food, taking gourds and apples and peaches galore and obliterates the shelter first tearing the branches apart and burning the rubble that he made into smouldering ashes, so he can start again later. Then he gets the food stolen from him by a baby Brachiosaurus. He worries that it's happening, and he just got into an ironic situation. How could he be tracked? By the food that's being left. Probably with his fingerprints on them. After running for one hour being covered with cuts and scrapes on his legs, he notices somethings in the trees. Big somethings. One staring right at him.
After finding them, Bob starts living in a society of tree-dwelling Stegosaurus about five feet tall and three feet wide. He introduces them to new ways to find food and defend themselves against the Dilophosaurus. He finds apples peaches pears and coconuts with them and assists them through and through. When he convinces them to come out,they get attacked by those Dilophosaurus again. They are ambushed, the Dilophosaurus laughing and spitting acid (like in Jurassic Park). The Stegosaurus fought back, but their skills weren't good enough, and in the process of getting them to bug off, their leader gets killed.
The Stegosaurus feel betrayed and then the new leader literally throws him out of the jungle right back where he started. It was like Bob himself killed the leader.He feels more nervous. Another ironic situation has occurred. Then he sees a inconspicuous, insubstantial, figure. Bob starts running. Through the tall grass and the trees.
He realizes, “I need to vamoose. NOW!”
He tears through the underbrush, passing leaves and being hit by bushes, as the Dilophosaurus follow him getting closer, closer, closer to Bob.
Bob’s decided he’s had enough.It’s time to ACT. He picks up a gourd and chucks it at the first Jack O'Lantern, doing a 360 no-scope across Lava Fall Gorge. Direct hit. Burney goes flying off his Jack O’lantern and both of them (ride and rider) fall in the lava, filled gorge. One down, two to go. The rest jump over the gorge, ready to do anything to avenge their brethren. Then they run into News City and Bob runs across traffic, and when he gets between two government awesome parkour like a ninja, and lands atop the roof . Homework gets rammed by a SUV while going across the crosswalk. When the light to walk was on green. Juuuust great. Two down, one more to go. Tough Luck recollects his thoughts and uses the sidewalk. The chase continues. Then Bob realizes he’s cornered, literally between a rock and a hard place. He was trapped between a boulder and the great wall of vegetarians. When Tough Luck was so close to obtaining the target, to punish him for his crimes, The Jack O'Lantern stopped working and he was propelled right into an unfinished section, catapulting him into the sarlacc pit. This time Bob knew that he would cringe no longer. Suddenly, Bob saw his friends, Billy and Harala, They told each other their wild and crazy stories to make the time fly by.Then after waking up from a long rest, they find a random escape pod from THE CRUSHER lying on the ground. They knew it. They would finally leave and go to home again.
Five years later, at this exact date, a firehouse burns down, a new airpilot gets airsick, and Billy’s rocket business isn’t really blasting off. Bob just smiles and laughs through it. He is done cringing and actually loves getting people into ironic situations every day. From a sanitation inspector being unclean, to a flood clean-up crew being flooded, and even a police station getting robbed, every situation is giving a lot of people big old fat old grins and leave their sides splitting till they drop. And this is now Bob’s new job: Ironic services for free, cost $2.00.