He would have been better off had I not tried to save him. But oh, what a big risk that seemed to be.
I was never supposed to be his guardian angel. He was never going to be assigned to me. I knew that. I knew that more than anything. But looking down on him, I was captivated, held in some reverie that resisted my conscience's pleas to turn the other cheek.
His soul did not have the gold flecks I knew it needed. But never have I looked upon a corrupted heart and fell in love. I knew what could become of his misguided soul if it only found its way again. Oh, what he could've been.
He knew what he wanted but the world kept him from it. His eyes were darker than the distance between two stars, with them he asked his questions. He was a man that didn't take no for an answer. His veins protruded from his forearms as a show of strength, his hands rough and calloused. His mouth held a smile that he rarely gave the world, but it was stunning enough to stop time itself. He was beautiful. The only beautiful human that I'd ever seen. But oh, how could he not be an angel?
His soul was not for saving. I knew that. Somewhere, a soul as messy as his could have a chance, a trial for redemption. But there was no time. There were mere earthly hours to be passed until there was no time at all.
I left the heavens the day he died. I did not know if any angel had ever done so. It did not matter.
I descended to where he lay, in a pile of sin I knew he had grown fond of. They all grow fond of it, and then it kills them.
I stole his flickering soul. I knew the enemy was coming for it, I knew it was not mine to take. But I wanted him to be the angel I saw. I needed him.
His soul was safe in my hands. Pressed up against my palms in a cage of fingers, I knew it had protection. There was no doubt, no fear. It was real. I felt its touch. It was there.
I brought it back to the Heavens with me, a soul in a place it never belonged. I had him in front of me. A lifetime had passed but I finally had him in front of me.
How dare I be so naive? I clouded my vision with dreams. Somewhere inside of me I knew I could not lie of who he was for an eternity. They could see his soul as it was. They knew. They knew he was never meant to be here.
To watch the wings be ripped from his back, to see Lucifer claim his prize. My angel felt the glory of what could have been and watched it be taken away. That was worse than anything he could have felt without me. I wanted him more than I had wanted to believe what would happen.
I have not seen my angel since. I do not know if it hurts him less to know that something is watching over. Something is there. Something has not forgotten him.
I hid my face behind the arches of my wings. The release started in my bones, drew its energy from my hands, and fell off my cheeks in tiny, crystalline droplets. I once thought there were no tears in heaven.
The stone-cold atmosphere turned my skin white and heart into ice. My body shrunk into itself, becoming less of me and more of what I was supposed to be. Emotionless. Empty. To carry out my purpose and to be done. Separated from foolish human emotions. My wings were heavy with sorrow and my hands were no longer strong enough to hold.
Heaven could not be Heaven withought him.