The story is to be narrated at a dimly lit room built of dark gray stone embellished with carved-in murals. There is a wooden desk near (not against) one wall of the room and is illuminated by a few candles to the desk’s right end, providing the only source of light in the entire room. Near the left end, there is a recorder, and at the other two sides of the desk, there is a leather chair at each side. In the narration, the reader will be sitting in the chair almost against the wall to face the narrator of this so-called mythological tale.
Right now, only a single candle is lit, and the room is so poorly lit that the audience couldn’t see the other side of the room. The first sound heard were a few light footsteps, then the chair across from the reader moves back a small distance. That was the narrator, and he just arrived. You may be shocked to learn that this person is a cross between a four-foot-six man in a formal tuxedo, and a white Mexican cottontail in a ridiculous-looking feather headdress. He leans over and turns on the recorder.
Well, I’m sorry if my funny-looking rabbit-face frightened you, or if my normal outfit startles you in any way, but this is what I actually look like, and me and my friends didn’t have time to lose because-I’ll explain that later, but the important thing is I’m here to tell you what’s going on with this whole Quetzalcoatl mess.
You see, if you read the tale of ‘Why Quetzalcoatl Isn’t Here Anymore’ or something like that, and the earlier myths dealing with Quetzalcoatl the serpent god of civilization and Tezcatlipoca the scary jaguar spirit of the night, you’ll notice something off. In those older creation myths of the ancient Mesoamericans, they say that these two deities were great friends, but in the other not very ancient myth where Quetzalcoatl dies and gets exiled from Mexico or the known world at the same time (which also sounds pretty strange if you think about it), he and Tezcatlipoca were bitter enemies, and rumors say it’s because Tezcatlipoca wanted Quetzal’s kingdom.
The narrator turns toward the dark area behind him and says,
Yes, I still call him that! Don’t you think repeating his whole name over and over will make this recording sound just plain dull?
Then he turns back to the audience and chuckles, abashed.
Sorry about that. It’s just that I’m a person for nicknames, and Quetzal never liked his. Well what I’m trying to say is this: the whole Quetzal-runs-away story you mortals know is just plain wrong. Tezcatlipoca and Quetzalcoatl didn’t fight and play dirty because of one wanting another’s kingdom. In fact, they didn’t even own their own provinces at the time since this happened long before there were mortal humans to mess everything up. I knew what really happened, because I was there.
In fact, I used to be a part of their circle. I was the funny guy of the group, a real joker! I was (and am) Tepoztecatl, the town clown. Tez was more of what you humans call a jock, Quetzal’s obviously the brainiac, and there’s Xolotl, the awkward little sociopath, along with some others we befriended outside of Mexico, like Seth who, sadly, later became the god of evil in Egypt, along with Sothis, the Egyptian goddess of stars and constellations and telling the future and whatnot, though she wanted to be the goddess of clouds, then there’s Sothis’ little shadow of a cat, Maatsemur, the messenger that never was (Her story’s pretty sad actually), then there’s Bobbi (who I like to call Bob), Eingana (what happened to her I really shouldn’t tell, also NOT a snake), along with a few others.
Anyway, I think this whole mess all started when Quetzal decided to move from his parents’ pyramid back in the home of the Mayan gods to Tezcatlipoca’s place in Mictlan. Another thing I need to clear up right away is that Xolotl was never Quetzalcoatl’s actual brother, let alone his biological twin. I know we deities don’t make much sense when it comes to genetics like since I’m a rabbit, how do I have a terrifying snake goddess for a mother? Well, in my case I’m adopted, but I don’t know about anyone else who somehow got a sibling that’s part horse or whatever even though none of his or her family members are like that. Maybe a curse or something?
Dang it, I got off the subject!
Anyway, Xolotl was actually Tezcatlipoca’s little brother. Not too much of a shocker, huh? Xolotl was a scary-looking dog monster associated with bad luck, Tez was the menacing jaguar famous for being considered evil and brutish, and both were not very popular with mortals and "gods" alike. Back when Quetzal and Tezcatlipoca were still friends, I only got to know Xolotl for a short time, but despite that, I know he’s not the canine brute everyone thinks he is.
When Quetzal moved into Tezcatlipoca’s place, for about a fortnight he kept this a secret, but then jock number two, Huitzilopochtli, catches wind of this and tells us to invite our non-Mexican friends over because he’s planning on throwing a party. This incident happened in a hallway at this school perhaps all Mesoamerican godlings go to, so to the elders, this was nothing more than innocent teenage drama, not the start of something suspicious.
We tried to shoo Huiti away by saying we aren’t interested but then he said, “C’mon Snowball, you’re always hanging out where they live. It’s time to return the favor.”
Well, I had to admit, those other friends Tez, Quetzal and I had had always wanted to come over, so I guessed Hummingbird Face is right. Besides, I’m the kind of guy that would do almost anything to not be called selfish, but then again, I didn’t like the idea of little Maatsemur coming to a party of rowdy Aztec gods and risk getting herself turned into a catskin pillow.
As I thought about that last part, I shivered and tried to put that thought out, “Okay fine, but you’d better not do anything to our guests like what happened last time!”
“Okay Snowball, take it easy!” Huiti chided, “We know how wimpy your friends are, like that chicken Quetzalcoatl over there.”
Quetzal obviously didn’t find that chicken part funny, and Tez and I would have started to throw something worse than rabbit punches had it not been for the school bell (which is really just a complicated system of strings, little golden bells, and a bunch of noisy birds), so with the notion of being late to class in my mind, I said, “Just tell me where and when, and I’ll bring them over.”
“At my dad’s pyramid. Sundown. Four days from now.” That’s all Huiti said, then he turned around and strutted down the hall like a peacock, with all his glittery feathers and clothes shining like a walking jewelry box.
Unfortunately, Xolotl came walking by and ended up as one of the many victims of this hummingbird’s blinding glory, and that was a problem for Xolotl since he had dry eyes. Then this obnoxious preppy girl by the name of Xochiquetzal appeared in the hallway with some of her friends. They saw Xolotl wandering about in the corridor, still dazed from his encounter with Huitzilopochtli, then they begin to corner him. Kind of like how a pack of coyotes corner a helpless pronghorn.
Just before I could even help Xolotl out, I ran into this Mayan kid named Yumil Kaxob (well I just call him Kaxob) who was going to the same class as me.
“Sheesh, even the girls in your pantheon are brutes. It makes me wonder how you and Quetzal put up with that every day.”
Kaxob’s pretty much Xochiquetzal’s Mayan counterpart, both have a thing for plants, but Xochiquetzal was what some mortals call a cat. Yumil Kaxob, on the other hand, was not into mischief, especially if it involved getting someone hurt. At least I get to go to a class where the kids and teacher don’t have such a terrible sense of humor I thought to myself.
This class was one of the few classes that Quetzal and I shared. Botany and Horticulture was taught by this guy named Yum Kaax (a little silly for a teacher name) who was Yumil Kaxob’s uncle. Since this is about Quetzalcoatl, I’ll have to skip to when class ended.
When it did, Quetzalcoatl and I headed off to our next class, and went together down a few halls, we passed this one teacher with the head of a sky-blue stag with light gold antlers. As we passed him, he gave us a sad look, like he could see what’s about to happen in the next few days, although the only thing that happened that day was an escaped science experiment.
Tezcatlipoca said he was trying to make a Mexican cow or ox or whatever, but it ended up looking like a walking box. While everyone in the halls tried to catch it, I heard the concerned teacher behind me sorrowfully say “Oh, the plans of mice and men.”
I didn’t understand what he meant by that, but in the next few days, I wished I figured it out sooner.
As the narrator finishes the last sentence, the dim light begins to fade. While the light fades, the narrator begins to look uneasy. The audience hears strange muffled sounds coming from outside the walls, along with startled gasps coming from the dark areas of the room.
I’ll tell you more later. We got another situation to deal with.
1 Bobbi is just an Aboriginal snake deity who’s a lot like Quetzalcoatl.
2Mictlan is the Aztec underworld, described as gloomy, dark, foggy and sometimes very boring.
3 Sunny hummingbird god. Unlike his nectar-drinking counterparts, Huitzilopochtli isn’t described as cute, at all.
4 Don't even bother looking her name up. Maatsemur disappeared from the Egyptian pantheon before any mortal ever met and got to know anything about her.
5 Well eye since Xolotl wore an eye patch.
6 Cat, meaning saucy woman in mortal slang.
7 Pronunciation: Huitzilopochtli (Hwee-tzee-lo-poch-tlee) Tezcatlipoca (Tez-cat-lee-poca) Tepoztecatl or Tepoztecato (Te-poz-teh-cah-tl/to) Xochiquetzal sounds similar to "shocking quetzal".