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Reasons I Love You (Part One)

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To Prince Jaerin

Dear Jaerin,

I?m writing this letter to you, even though I know you will never get it. I will never give this to you. Why? Firstly, because I can?t even speak to you. I am too shy, and you are so kind; you wouldn?t want to accept anything from someone like me, but you would anyway. And i would see it all in your eyes. I don't know if I could bare that. Secondly, because I am a maid. Not just any maid, I?m your maid. I am the lowest class, a servant, but you?you?re royalty. The third reason you will never get this letter is because you don?t even know I exist.

You?ve talked to me though, once. It was a long time ago, when you were eight and I was seven. I had entered the throne room when I heard your father scolding you. I backed up and hid behind a potted bush, near the door to the throne room. No one had seen me when I came in.

I peeked through the dying leaves and watched as your father roared and his face reddened as he became more and more angry. ?You?ll never be king if you can?t learn your simple lessons!? He fumed, and then stormed out of the room. I watched your legs go weak and give way as you fell to the floor, landing hard on your knees. You laid you?re head in your hands and I saw one small tear slid down your cheek.

I stepped away from behind the pot, walking slowly, taking small, dainty steps. My voice shook slightly as I spoke to you. I squeaked, ?Are you okay??

You jumped up as if you had sat down on an oven. Your eyes widened and your face flushed with embarrassment.

?I?m fine, servant girl, you know nothing of this! You?re only a maid! The only thing you know is washing dishes and scrubbing floors! Be gone!? Your voice was harsh, and I trembled at the sound of it, echoing through the huge throne room. You turned away, but before you did I saw your eyes soften, the coldness in them disappearing for a brief moment and giving way to guilt and kindness.

I haven?t held this against you; I couldn?t if I wanted to. The warmth in your eyes after this experience forced me to forgive you. The kindness you have always shown to everyone you speak to has made me love you more and more, and I am beyond the point of no return. I try, but every day I love you more and more, and everyday goes by, and you never even look at me.

There is so much I love about you, i can't fit it all on this piece of parchment! Along with your kindness I love your strength, everything you get through, every trial you overcome, and how you do it alone. I yearn to help you, though, even if that is wishful thinking. You wouldn?t want my help?

Aside from strength I love your determination to accomplish everything and the wisdom you show with every decision. With all these traits you will be a great king and leader, surpassing all those before you. In less than a month you will turn 21, and you will be crowned. You will have such responsibilities and such burdens. Burdens I cannot even comprehend. I would help you, comfort you. I know, through all my trials, I?ve wanted and needed comfort and council, and yet have had none. I don?t want you to feel that way too. I know you won't admit to wanting help, but all the same, you?ll need it. Even you are human.

Sometimes I wonder what you?re thinking behind your expressionless face and emotionless eyes. I wonder what you really think about being the heir, or if you worry about it. I wonder what you want. Freedom, maybe? That?s what I would love, to go see the whole kingdom of Aurdelle. To see the dark, mysterious mountains, the lush, green hills. To smell the fresh air, feel the in my hair and against my face?of course I stay where I am for you, and for no one else. I stay for you even though I know we can never be together, but for some reason I still have hope, a light burning amidst the darkness, a kindled flam producing heat in the cold. I keep my hope, even though there is no chance for it to come true. My flame will never be extinguished though, my light will stay bright for as long as I live, no matter what paths we walk, together, or apart, I will keep hope. I will believe, even though there is nothing to believe in. I will never falter, I will never fall, because the thought of you pulls me up. The truth is; I love you and I will be there for you when no one else is. Even if you stand alone, I will stand beside you. If you stood ready to defent your kingdom, I would stand and defend you. I you asked I?d be yours?its wishful thinking, but I have hope yet. I have hope because I love you. I try not to, but you have left me defensless, and so I must wait and perhaps the dawning of a new era will arise, and maybe some hopes can be more than just fantasy. Perhaps...

With love,
Loriene

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I carefully folded up the letter, holding it to my heart. I gazed at the small candle flickering on my wooden desk. The yellow fire was slowly dying, fading away.
I held the letter above it and watched as it caught fire. The flame devoured the parchment, and a bright light filled the room. Soon the letter was completely gone. It was nothing but burnt ash, and a scorched hope. As the light went out a single tear slid down my cheek, falling on the candle and extinguishing the fire. A small jet of smoke rose, and then the room was dark.

As the light went out I whispered into the darkness, emptying my soul of the words that I?d kept hidden for so long.

I love you.



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