Dead At Midnight

January 16, 2009
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As Asha lay on the snow covered ground, there was a pain rising in her. It felt like shards of glass beening fourced throughout her veins and her throat burned like the fires of hell..The creature that attacked her was very attractive.....
Nikolas O'Grandy had never attacked an inccent human in his life but tonight he had lost control. He had never seen a girl more lovely than her...Fair dark hair, down to her waist, and violet eyes her skin was pale white. She was lovely.
Asha had drawn her last breathe.
As she woke again. She had a strange craving...for human blood. She stood gracefully. She drew in a deep breathe then gasped in pain. She caught a strange scent then ran for it. She stopped dead in her tracks comeing across her older brothe Aaron. He looked at her.

"Asha what is wrong with your eyes?" Aaron was in touching distance of her now. She wrpped her arms around him.

"Forgive me." She p;eaded then let her instints take over her. Her fangs periced the skin on Aaron's neck and soon blood invaded her mouth...Soon so did his memories. Asha tried to pull away but there was no use the taste of his blood was bitter, sweet in her mouth. Then came the last memory and it was her new eyes...Blood red.

Asha dropped her brother. She looked at him. Limp and his lips blue as ice. Asha wepped silently and walked away from the living world to the world of the.........UNDEAD.

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This article has 23 comments. Post your own now!

Ambs,T said...
Mar. 22, 2012 at 7:03 pm
Now this is my kind of story! Keep writting stuff like this, it's awesome!!!
coolio said...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 9:36 am
nice story!
lilac teardrop said...
May 24, 2011 at 5:23 pm
ALOT of grammar and punctuation mistakes and it seemed kinda rushed. Take your time! It was a little cheesy. 
EllieGrace said...
Mar. 29, 2011 at 6:19 am
A little wordy at times, too short, and punctuation/grammar. To be completely honest, most all vampire stories are all the same. So, if you insist on writing about vampires then make it something that no ones thought of before.
MaysileeDonner said...
Jan. 31, 2011 at 9:02 pm
it was a creative idea, but you should check your grammar and punctuation, and maybe deepen the plot. otherwise, thumbs up
gtgyal108 said...
Nov. 26, 2010 at 11:43 am
do you have a continuation? please write back. this was pretty good.
Amer-Nae replied...
Feb. 20, 2013 at 2:16 am
there are two more parts to this if u havent already read them
Dragonscribe said...
Oct. 16, 2010 at 6:53 pm
Little cheesy...I liked it, though.
Amer-Nae replied...
Oct. 22, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Umm excuse me? How is this cheesy? I dont think that it is..
Dragonscribe replied...
Oct. 23, 2010 at 9:38 pm
Sorry, I'm just talking about the last line; it's a little dramatic - more than I like - but I know that's my opinion. I really do like, so no offense intended.
Ashley_Tucker said...
Sept. 21, 2010 at 4:21 pm
The only part I thought wasn't like every other vampire book out there was how the persons memories also drained with there blood. That's really creative, try to make it longer so it doesn't become like every other book and try to center it around the memory thing.
Munira Noor M. said...
Jul. 2, 2010 at 4:49 am
It's really nice. : ) Although vampire books are left right and center yours sound cooler
EllieK. said...
Jun. 6, 2010 at 3:16 pm

I liked it overall, but think it was a bit short and could have used some more description, mainly depth in the characters. Also, vampires are a bit overdone these days. Other than that it's good.

Also, would anyone mind checking out any of my work. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks

emogirl666 replied...
Sept. 21, 2010 at 1:19 pm
i agree i think it could have been a little bit longer but over all the short story was really good :)
Kandyz said...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 5:55 am
she had fair and daark hair?:S good story tho
cyanidesun said...
May 26, 2010 at 8:43 pm
Vampire novels have become so very cliche. It seems like everyone wants to write one. My recommendations? Try for something a little more original. Maybe when you wake up in the morning, you could record what your dream was about. Who knows? dreams can be very  inspirational. If that doesn't work, simply google a topic you've been interested in before. Learning new info. about the world around you could spark your interest. Strive to do something unheard of! Besides that just simply wo... (more »)
SerraAngel said...
Apr. 16, 2010 at 8:38 pm
Awesome I LOVE it. I wrote a vampire book 2. PLZ check out Eternal Night: Chapter 1 (under all fiction) and COMMENT!!!!!
Draglea123 replied...
Apr. 7, 2011 at 8:09 pm
Wow you seem to be easily impressed. It was okay but I agree with the above comments.
HUDAZ said...
Mar. 28, 2010 at 9:32 am
Nice work! Plz post more of ur work. P.S Would you mind reading some of my pieces of work, people?
Aileen_P said...
Dec. 31, 2009 at 1:19 pm
It's kind of rushed, but really really good. Nice story line.
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