Columbian Necktie

By
As Jeffrey awoke from his long afternoon nap he mumbled to himself, “I don’t want to get up.” Every morning Jeffrey would strode to his bathroom and look into his mirror and think, I’m a winner! His morning routine consisted of drinking coffee and grooming himself. Afterwards, Jeffrey was ready, and snuck out quietly from his abandoned mouse hole located in David Bowie’s living room. Jeffrey had been taking David’s socks and selling them to his mouse friends.
Jeffrey made his way out of his mouse hole home, and from out of nowhere his cousin Randle appeared, holding what seems to have been a moldy green cracker. “Hey there, Gordoe!” Randle yelled.
“Oh, great, Jeffrey groaned under his breath. “Oh uh, hi Randle. How’re you?
“Well I’m doing just bloody great!” Randle said in a ecstatic tone. I was just about to dine on this cracker I found laying under that couch.
“Oh that sounds just lovely”, Jeffrey agreed in a sarcastic tone. As Randle moved the cracker towards his mouth, Jeffrey glanced at Randle in disgust. Randle took a bite of the moldy green cracker. CRUNCH!
Jeffrey cringed and could feel his skin crawl. He thundered in a rushed tone, “I’ve got to go run a few errands.”
Randle replied curiously, “If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of errands?” “Well, today is Wednesday and I usually go take David Bowie’s socks.”
“Sounds fun Gordoe!”
Jeffrey, sounding annoyed, replied back, “My name is Jeffrey, not Gordoe!” J-E-F-F-R-E-Y, Jeffrey.
Sounding amused Randle replied, “All right, just calm down. Anyways I’ve got nothing else to do today, so do you think I could join you?”
“I don’t know, gathering a few socks doesn’t sound as easy as it looks.”
Randle, sounding eager, interjected, “Awe, come on. Please I won’t be a hassle.”
Jeffrey replied back, “NO! It takes skill and super Ninja reflexes. Besides I don’t think you could handle such a responsibility. I’ve got a lot of socks to take today.”
Randle laughed, “Bahah, that doesn’t sound too hard! I mean look at me. I’m ninja material, and I’ve also have potential. Plus…”
“Alright, I’ll let you go”, Jeffrey interrupted. Jeffrey and Randle pursued their journey through the living room to the kitchen, being careful not to alarm the house cat Queen Elizabeth the Third.
Jeffrey and Randle snuck along the living room wall as carefully as they could, and finally reached the kitchen’s entrance. As they stepped into the disserted kitchen, they both noticed a loud purring noise. “Sounds like it’s coming from the master bedroom, Jeffrey pointed out.” Jeffrey and Randle quickly, but quietly scrambled to the edge of the doorway and peered around the corner. “A cat!” Randle cowered, cried out, and said, “Do we have to do this?”
“Sigh, Yes, this is our last chance to make money for the season, and I’m not going home empty-handed.”
Randle whimpered, “Fa-fa- fine.”
“Alright, let’s do this!” Being such or small size, Jeffrey and Randle were able to sneak past the beast and make it to the sock drawer.
“Uh oh,” Jeffrey replied.
“What?”
“The opening is way too high for us to reach.”
“That won’t be a problem.” Randle pulled a rope from his magical sack. But not just any rope, it was The Rope of Justice!
Looking confused Jeffrey asked, “Since when did you start carrying a rope with you?”
“No time for questions!” Randle, with a flick of his rope, latched on to the knob of the drawer and launched then both up to the top and into the drawer.
“We must make haste!” Jeffrey yelled. One by one Jeffrey and Randle gathered all of the socks, putting them into their magical sacks and only leaving behind a dead moth and a dust bunny. Jeffrey and Randle jumped off the drawer and landed on the floor. However, without their knowledge, they had made a slight vibration that woke the cat. “Come cousin, we must hurry back to home!”
Entering the kitchen once more, Randle had felt an eerie presents and could tell that something wasn’t right. Being narcotic, he took a glance over his shoulder to see if anything was following them back home.
Jeffrey made his way way to the living room entrance, positioned himself, and looked around the corner to see if the coast was clear. “Alright, Randle. Let’s go!” Jeffrey commanded. But nobody answered. “Um. Randle, we can go?”
Jeffrey turned around and saw that Randle had scampered his way under the refrigerator. Jeffrey looked at the floor and shook his head, but then in an instant he saw a giant shadow. With Jeffrey’s quick ninja reflexes, he jumped away from the cat and slid under the refrigerator. Like an Eagle, the cat waited and waited for them to come out and die. Without warning, Randle jumped out with his Rope of Justice to fight the mighty beast. But in an instant, the cat had swatted Randle’s face and left nothing but a portion of his head.
Randle let out a womanly scream, “EEK!” The aftershock of the blow caused a bottle of lemon juice to fall off the fridge and on to Randle. Surprisingly, Randle was still alive. The crash from the bottle dropping scared the cat and it ran away to the bedroom. Jeffrey quickly acted, and ran from under the fridge to Randle. With a dying breath Randle said, “Take the magical sack and go!”
Jeffrey quickly left and scampered into the living room. The cat quickly re-appeared and didn’t hesitate to begin attacking Jeffrey. But just at the nick of time, David Bowie returned from his daily activities. The cat, frightened by David Bowies appearance, left the room and hid from him.
Jeffrey quickly pulled himself together, and jumped into his mouse hole. Bowie strolled into his room with a creepy smile, looked at his drawers, and quickly yelled in frustration, “Where are my bloody socks?” After ranting on for about a good fifteen minutes, a cop from down the hall heard the yelling and decided to investigate. The cop busted down the door and entered. He asked, “Excuses me miss, but what seems to be the problem?”
In anger, David Bowie threw a lamp at the officer and screamed, “I’m not a women! I’m David freaking Bowie!”
The cop and said, “Sir I’m going to have to ask you to calm down.” After ten minutes of negotiating, David told the officer about the sock stealing mice. The officer decided to arrest David for his use of narcotics and for being mentally unstable. Meanwhile, Jeffrey came out and gathered the remains of what use to be his cousin, and brought him to the toilet and flushed him. After three weeks, Jeffrey had inhabited a new home in Johnny Dep’s apartment, stealing every sock possible and doing it the name of his deceased cousin Randle.





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