Once, long ago in a forgotten land there were small and unusual colored midgets who wore bizarre clothing lived in fear of a ravenous monster. The village shaman who wore dyed feathers and painted native symbols on his blue skin stood above the rest in the village. They all had gathered to hear the daily readings, news of what was to come, who would have good harvest, weather predictions and other things that may appear evident. As all the small and bright colored people had gathered the shaman held up his staff as a call of silence.

“I have had a vision.” A buzz erupted among the small people; he waited for it to die down before proceeding. “A vision of our savior, chosen by the Mighty Cairbre Naipe’ to come down from the sky in a swirl of colors and clouds to defeat the evil beast.”
“How will we know who it is?” someone called.
The shaman sighed, learning to have patience with these short-witted people. “The Oompa-Cheekie will come to us when we are at our darkest point, from a land of tall pale beings that don’t understand our language or have knowledge of us. The Oompa-Cheekie will brandish the mark of the wretched demon.”
All of them stared in awe at the amazing news.
“How long until the Oompa-Cheekie shows themselves?” another asked.
The shaman sighed, knowing that they would not like the next answer. “I don’t know.”

***
In another land that is called many things in many tongues; but what we know as Earth there was a teenage pubescent 14 year old girl named Turtle had to use the bathroom. At this time she was being taught math and the old teacher Mr. Wazauski was lenient (and showing signs of Alzheimer’s) so he let her go.
Off Turtle went to the ladies room 20 yards away; once she reached her destination, she pranced around until she could complete her business.
***
As Turtle was washing her hands she heard the sound of splashing water coming from a nearby stall.
“Hello?” she asked hesitantly. Turtle sneaked over to the stall.
Splashing water was  the response she received. Slowly, Turtle pushed the stall door open and what she saw inside shocked her.
There, in the bowl of the toilet, was a unicorn head; slowly bobbing up and down in the toilet water staring at her. “What?” It said in a disturbingly deep voice. “Haven’t you ever seen a unicorn before?”
Turtle shook her head, staying silent. 
*I used that toilet yesterday!* she thought.
The man-unicorn suddenly pulled out glasses and put them on, proceeding to read from a piece of paper he also pulled out of nowhere.
“Turtle Chestnut Harriman, you have been summoned to another dimension for your grandmother has fallen ill—”
“Woe woe woe, I’m gonna stop you right there pal.” Turtle said, holding her hands out in front of her. “My grandma lives in Kentucky. And I should really be getting back to class.” She said as she started to back out.
The man-unicorn sighed, expecting this to happen; and his made neck stretched out like elastic, biting on the back of Turtle’s sweatshirt, yanking her down the toilet drain. 
***
Turtle gasped as she fell out of a portal into another dimension. The sky was swirls of purple, yellow, and pink and if she stared at it to long she felt like she would get a headache. The trees were silver with golden bells hanging from the branches. Rolling hills were seen as far as the eye could go, the wind turning the grass from green to gold to red and back again. And if she listened close enough she could hear faint singing from somewhere far away.
The man-unicorn was beside me as I stood up, clutching the ruler that she had as a hall pass from math class.
“Oh my fish sticks!” she exclaimed, swinging her head around to find an exit.  “Where am I? What happened? How did I get here?” she rambled, feeling a tug at the corner of her jacket and looked down.  “What are you doing?!” she yelled and ripped her jacket away from the man-unicorns mouth.
He finished eating the material and gave her an impossibly wide smile reaching all the way up to his ears like the Cheshire cat. 
“Don’t fret Turtle.” The man-unicorn said, his voice becoming more feminine; sounding like two different voices over lapped.
Turtle started to back up as the man-unicorn suddenly hunched over, growing in size while moving lumps appeared under his sliver white fur. “I’m only going to eat you!” The manicorn sprang up to its full height, bigger than a Clydesdale horse. He had sprout eight eyes, shining green and black while what looked like spider legs sprang out the side of its face.
Turtle screamed and leaped out of the way as the monster lunged for her. She ended up landing on the ground, the ruler breaking under her. Turtle scrambled up onto her feet and pointed the broken ruler at the manicorn monster. The sharp jagged end pointed at him in a taunting way as he saw her visibly shaking from fear. He smiled widely, brandishing his own set of shark like teeth.
Turtle went to step out of the way but ended up tripping on her own two feet as the man-unicorn monster lunged for her. He aimed for her neck but was surprised when Turtle landed right on his face, the ruler slicing into one of his many eyeballs. Turtle then took this opportunity to put her two months of tumbling class to good use and summer salted off the monster and out of the way. 
The monster unicorn let out an uncanny scream that rattled Turtle’s bones as she ran away as fast as her little legs could carry her. Fast like the wind she ran; away from the monster towards a village filled with strange looking people who were hiding from the villains cries. 
Turtle splashed through a silvery purple creek that stained her clothes and stumbled out the other side, landing in pink and blue multi colored dirt.
Things seemed to slow around me as she pushed herself up. Small strange people came out of their houses and approached her cautiously.
The manicorn monsters cries were becoming quieter as she stared at the strange people.
“Oobly-uble!”
“O-boogle- boogle.”
“Abuah-goole!”
“Abugawaw!” 
she stood up as they shouted strange words at her that she couldn’t understand.
Some had purple hair while others had blue, red, pink, or green. They wore strange looking clothes that she couldn’t name and their skin ranged from dirt tan to blue or red. 
There was a loud shout from the back of the crowd as everyone fell silent. The crowd split as a tall looking metallic blue man stepped forward. He owned dark blue and purple hair and carried a staff while wearing strange looking clothes like the rest of them.
“Abug-oo, eh… oogle Du-be-duawh.” He said slowly gesturing with his hand.
Turtle looked at him strangely and she shook her head, not understanding him.
“Ugh.” The blue man leaned his head against his staff; two moments later he sprang back up with an “Ahaha!” look on his face.  “Abuah, doogie-budlin- wah.” He tried to explain and slowly pointed his staff at her forehead, she tried to move back but he shook his head and hand-telling her no before chanting a foreign spell.
  Suddenly all their jumbles and incoherent words were made clear in her brain.
“There child, can you understand me now?” he said and smiled.
Turtle nodded.
“What are you doing here in the land of Loogie?”
“Ugh….” Turtle had to think to find her words before she could answer.
“It’s okay.” He nodded in encouragement.
“I was in the bathroom,” she started, trying to think of what exactly happened. “Then a—a unicorn popped out of the toilet.”
“Bul-ethn-mil.” Someone said and they all spat at the word.
“Bul-ethn-mil?” she said confused. They all spat. “No, it was a unicorn. And he pulled me through the toilet. I ended up here and he turned into this horrifying monster and tried to eat me!”
“Bul-ethn-mil!” someone shouted and they all spat.
“What you saw was known as Bul-ethn-mil,” they spat. He’s a very  ugly, nasty, ugly, disgusting monster that eats anything alive. He can transform into anything, even what you call a unee-corne.” 
“How do I get back?” Turtle asked as she wiped her face with her sleeve.
“Wait.” A smaller red person grabbed her wrist and turned it upward. “Look!” she fisted her hand as everyone stared. On her skin from the outside of the pinky on her hand to past her wrist was stained in a yellow green slime color.
“This is blood of the Bul-ethn-mil.” Said the blue man with the staff as everyone spat. “You’ve injured it.”
“Uh, yeah. I stabbed it with my ruler in an attempt to get away…”
All of a sudden all the multi-colored people fell to their knees and placed their heads on the floor in a bow.
“Oompa—Cheekie!” someone said in a praise.
“You,” said the blue staff man. “You have injured the Bul-ethn-mil.” They all spat silently. “You are the one destined to slay the monster!”
“I’m a loopa—what?”
They all stood up. “The Oompa—Cheekie.”
“No, my names Turtle…” she wasn’t sure about these people right now.
“Turtle—Cheekie!” the multi—colored people repeated in a praise. The blue man with the staff started leading her into the village while the other colored people went back to work.
“You are the one who is going to defeat the Bul-ethn-mil.” He spat on the ground.
“What?” Turtle took a step back and looked at the blue man. “You mean I have to kill that thing?!” she panicked.
“Yes. That’s what this means.” He took her wrist and showed the bright stain to her. “You have been chosen by the Cairbre Naipe’ The God of All to slay this beast.”
“But I don’t want to kill the monster; I want to get back home!” Turtle stamped her foot.
The blue man sighed and leaned his forehead against his staff with eyes closed, trying to think of a way to get through to her. Then he raised his head. “Turtle—Cheekie, you have no choice. You have to kill the bul-ethn-mil—” he spat. “Or it will kill you.”
Turtle’s eyes widened. Then realization hit her like a train as she suddenly put on her warrior face, speaking her next words fiercely. “Challenge accepted.”

The End
(To be continued.)

Extra Extra

Turtle stood there at the end of the multi—colored peoples village and faced the forest with the bul-ethn-mil coming towards her fifty yards off. He resumed his unicorn form with an eye patch over his injury and saber tooth fangs glistened from his mouth.
He roared suddenly charging for her. Turtle stood her ground. As the monster approached he sprung, ready to gobble her up. But Turtle whipped out a magic spear and stabbed the monster through the roof of his mouth. He stopped short and he started to spasm, then his body folded into itself and created a rainbow colored portal. Turtle was instantly sucked in without even a word of goodbye. Turtle felt like she was riding in a dryer. The stall door swung open violently and Turtle shot out of the toilet accompanied by some toilet water and landed harshly on the bathroom floor.
She stared at the ceiling then slowly got up, stiff all over; realized school was over and walked out of the building feeling like a champion.