The Teacup | Teen Ink

The Teacup

March 16, 2014
By Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl


It was her sly smile and slitted eyes that told me from the moment I walked in that I was dancing with the devil. I have traveled all around the world asking a series of people; from the mute monk in Manzhouli to the sixth sensed pauper in Abbeyglen. All those questions have all led me to Argentina; to this woman. The “Silver Demon” is what the village people of the mountain had called her. They had cringed when I gave them the description the pauper had given me and then reluctantly pointed me towards a small trail that led up a tall mountain. Me and Christophe had made our way up the trail with no assistance of a carriage. It had been a hot and laborious walk up the windy trail. We finally came on a small women shack. Smoke floated out of a makeshift chimney despite how hot the day was. The door had been set wide open and when I looked inside the shack a woman had been standing in the middle of it smiling widely at us as if she had been expecting us.

Now that I see this woman, I understand why they had cringed and why she was called the, “Silver Demon.” Her eyes were a sparkling silver with cat-like pupils. Dark skin and raven-black hair that cascaded past her hips accentuated her luminescent eyes. Her wide grin revealed almost sharp, yellow teeth. All in all, she was a terrifying woman, but I stubbornly held my ground.

I gripped my parasol tight in my once white gloved hands as sweat from the sweltering heat of Argentina’s summer rolled down my back and I made introductions. “I am Sophia de Rosnay,” I said in english hoping the woman would understand, “And this is my brother Christophe.” Her grin seemed to widen at the mention of our names. “I am told you can help me with a situation.”

“What sort of situation?” She fortunately replied in english, but even her voice sent chills down my back. It reminded me of nails on a chalkboard. I looked at Christophe and he reach into his satchel and pulled out a small white teacup that fit in the palm of his hand. The only design on it was a thin gold line painted on the lip of the teacup. I nodded and Christophe handed it to the woman.

“It is our sister,” I explained calmly as the woman examined the teacup. “She is trapped within that teacup.”


The author's comments:
I have a book, 642 things to write about, and one of the prompts in it was "Write a story based in Argentina in 1932 where a teacup plays a crucial role" and this is what I came up with.

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This article has 9 comments.


on Sep. 28 2014 at 9:24 am
Icithra PLATINUM, Arlington, Massachusetts
26 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
The wastebasket is a writer's best friend. ~Isaac Bashevis Singer

Great story. I thought the ending was really funny - I don't know if you meant it that way. It just makes you imagine how their sister got trapped in a teacup, and that makes it even funnier. I loved this.

on Apr. 10 2014 at 11:10 pm
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl

Thank you so much for reading! And yeah I understand the whole description of the characters thing. I tried to give hints as to who they were and the time setting it was in. Like the parasol and white gloved hands. And I also tried to imply that they were french with the french last name, "de Rosnay" and Christophe is a french name also. But I understand that more description would be nice haha. Well thanks again!

on Apr. 10 2014 at 7:46 pm
kingofwriters BRONZE, DeWitt, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Books are a uniquely portable magic." - Stephen King

I love books, and I love technology, but I don't want to see the latter overwhelm the former. I just think books are meant to be pages you turn, not screens you scroll through.

BUILD ON THIS!!!! Seriously, this short story has such a dark and mysterious feel to it that the moment I finished it, I immediately thought about all the different places this story could go! Not only was the concept awesome and intriguing, but your imagery and overall style of writing were engrossing. My only issue (being EXTREMELY picky) was the description of Sophia and Christophe. I know this is just a short story, but we don't really get to know Sophia or Christophe at all. I didn't really have an idea of who was narrating until the parasol comment in the third paragraph, and even then I didn't really have an actual picture of them in my mind. But again, I know this is just a short story, and I know you could easily fix this stuff, so just try to give the characters more defined traits and personalities so that the reader has a clear picture of them in their head. Other than that, this was fantastic, and I really hope you decide to build on it! Keep writing! :)

on Apr. 1 2014 at 10:10 pm
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl

Thanks for the feedback!  

JRaye PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 27 2014 at 9:15 pm
JRaye PLATINUM, Dorr, Michigan
43 articles 10 photos 527 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you build your house far enough away from Trouble, then Trouble will never find you."

"Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, 'I just don't care.'?"

Do you realize how much you could - SHOULD - build off of this??? :) You picked me up right from the start, and your style of writing is very intriging, too. Although I wouldn't call it a short story persay, there's just not enough to complete an entire story. The idea is great, and I sincerely think you could write a longer piece around this. Hopefully this helps - have a good day :D

on Mar. 25 2014 at 10:35 pm
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl

Okay so first thank you so much for reading this and for the feedback. That really helped a lot cause I wanted to continue this, but I just didn't know how and you just helped me figure that out. So Thanks! Secondly, I almost screamed at my computer when I saw the 'womaen shack' there. Ugh that 'women' is not supposed to be there if that helps. I can't believe I didn't see that and it makes me laugh that I still got editor's choice with that huge mess up haha. But yeah thanks for reading! 

on Mar. 25 2014 at 7:43 pm
LaChouette GOLD, Mount Vernon, New York
12 articles 0 photos 146 comments

Favorite Quote:
“And then there are the times when the wolves are silent and the moon is howling.”
- George Carlin

Interesting story! I like your description quite a bit; the imagery was really good, especially the way you described her features, including her voice. Your first line drew me in immediately; it was nicely written and it really pulled me in. There were a few grammatical errors, missing comas and such, but it's nothing major. I will say though, that you might want to allude to why the main characters are there. I understand that they were seeking help, but why Argentina? What makes that place so special? Why is that woman the one they need? Why do people cringe when her description is mentioned? I think if you add these ideas to the story, it'll make it more suspenseful. I wouldn't explain in full detail, but mention it so it makes the reader wonder. It might also be good to suggest the personalities of the main characters. Is Sophia a determined person? Did she organize this trip? What about Christophe's personality? I know it sounds like the beginning of a novel, but I do think these things might help; your story already has great potential as it is. I do have one question. What did you mean by 'women shack?' I'm a little confused by that phrase. Other than that, I think this is a nice piece; it's a great scene for a novel. Congratulations on the Editor's Choice! 

on Mar. 22 2014 at 11:31 pm
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl

honestly, I really don't know haha. 

Funne GOLD said...
on Mar. 22 2014 at 8:38 am
Funne GOLD, Cleveland, Ohio
19 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I never ask a man what his business is, for it never interests me. What I ask him about are his thoughts and dreams."

-H.P Lovecraft

what's gonna happen next