I Jump

October 21, 2013
By theblondechick GOLD, Kingsport, Tennessee
theblondechick GOLD, Kingsport, Tennessee
14 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
I want to live and feel all the shades, tones, and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life.
And I am horribly limited.
-Sylvia Path


His face is made of sea salt and seaweed. His cheekbones are shaped like seashells, bumping up his jaw line. His lips are puckered like a fish, and hair dark like the night sits slick against his pale forehead. And his eyes, oh his eyes, are the color of the surface of the sea when a storm is stirring the water. Grey and blue and endless. Eyes that one could drown in and never hope to breach the surface. He's beautiful. Captivating. His arms are made of labor and a chest of hard lines. His lower half is a tail the color of seaweed with scales the sizes of pennies creeping up it's length. He's a merman trapped in a net, twisted in the coils.

I stare at him.

He stares at me.

It's my fishing net he's trapped in. The boat tilts from the weight of his body hanging from the beam. I taste the salt on my lips. The sea condensing on my cheeks.

Somehow he gets a hand out between the holes. He stretches it toward me. His eyes express his pain, his misery. His lips open and flutters on words he can't say. There is a vulnerability in the pale curve of his outstretched hand.

I don't know what to do.

The morning sun is rising over the sea, painting the water red. With it comes the full burden of this discovery. The secret weighs heavy on the approaching dawn.

I go to him with a knife in my hands. He watches me with those unearthly, calm eyes as I cut away the knots and the coils. He somehow trusts me not to hurt him. As I work, he raises a hand to the curve of my cheek. His fingers feel like sun caressed by sunshine. It's a warm touch that brings me the image of a castle made of orange corral. A merman sitting important on a throne. Beautiful mermaids with baskets of shells in their arms. Come, the touch seems to say. Come with me.

When he falls through the hole I made in the net, I jump in too.


The author's comments:
Sorry the sentence structure is scattered in this. I was mainly focusing the senses(sight, smells, etc.) Any advice to approve would be appreciated

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This article has 6 comments.


on Sep. 25 2014 at 10:54 pm
theblondechick GOLD, Kingsport, Tennessee
14 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
I want to live and feel all the shades, tones, and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life.
And I am horribly limited.
-Sylvia Path

Thank you!

on Sep. 25 2014 at 10:43 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

I really don't mind the "scattered sentence structure." Honestly, I think some of the best writing consists of sentence fragments, like your first paragraph... Which is amazing, I might add. Beautifully described and the words seem to ebb and flow so easily out of your.. Keyboard? But you know what I mean. Excellent work.

on Jan. 26 2014 at 9:42 pm
TopHatCactus BRONZE, League City, Texas
4 articles 1 photo 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
When writing a novel a writer should create living people; people not characters. A character is a caricature.
Ernest Hemingway

This is really good, I've never thought a person ( a merman) could be described with the elements of the sea! (Usually writers just say it's half man half fish) Wonderfuly put together!

on Jan. 24 2014 at 10:06 am
NaaThompson GOLD, Allston, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you don't like someone's story, write your own. -Chinua Achebe

Love it. Great job

JRaye PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 2 2013 at 8:12 pm
JRaye PLATINUM, Dorr, Michigan
43 articles 10 photos 527 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you build your house far enough away from Trouble, then Trouble will never find you."

"Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, 'I just don't care.'?"

This is amazing!!! And so original! How many people think about mermen? Or write about them so beautifully? I absolutely love this! :)

on Nov. 2 2013 at 1:13 pm
LaChouette GOLD, Mount Vernon, New York
12 articles 0 photos 146 comments

Favorite Quote:
“And then there are the times when the wolves are silent and the moon is howling.”
- George Carlin

He sounds beautiful! This is great!! I think you incorporated the senses really well into this. I feel as if I can see this happening. Great Job!




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