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September 17, 2013
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I lied. I am afraid of it. I lied to make you think that I was brave, but I hardly think that matters at this point.

You remember that time that you and I found a bag of marshmallows, the first bag we had seen since before summer started? Mom and dad spend about four months trying to install an outside fire pit and when they finally got it working, they said we had to roast marshmallows on it every night for a year. And we did until the summer started of course. We roasted those marshmallows over a scented candle in the back of an abandoned SUV and laughed about how our s’mores tasted like lavender. That was the first laugh we’d had in months.

You know I love you, right?

I can’t remember that last time I told you, I can’t remember much at all actually. Do you remember that time we found that scientist in an abandoned lab and he showed us the video of the person’s brain during the change? I think I understand that now. I’ve lost feeling in my feet and I have a horrible headache that seems to grow worse as my memories fade. I’m afraid.

I remember when you were five years old though. It was your birthday party and I saw that you were having trouble getting into the bouncy house. I was eight at the time and I ran up to mom to tell her, she told me to take care of you because she was busy. I remember when you were fourteen years old too. Mom and dad were out of town and you came home crestfallen because your first “love” had “broken your heart”. I fed you ice cream and we watched The Food Network until you fell asleep on the couch.

You know I love you, right?

I’m sorry Brady. I’m so sorry I let this happen. It wasn’t even a large bite. I had already gotten the gas lamps and was waiting in the apartment for you when they came in. there was only three of them, but I didn’t have time to find my knife, so I used a gas lamp. It clearly wasn’t enough. They’re gone now. They’re getting smarter, Brady. They imitated your knock, so I let them it. I’m sorry.

It’s all my fault I guess. I don’t remember it so clearly now. I’m so sorry.

I was planning to jump out the window before you got back, before I became one of them, but I don’t want you to see me on the streets like that. I don’t want you to ever remember me as a lifeless pile of flesh on the side of the road. Desperate. Weak. My second plan was to get my knife and die of blood loss before I changed. Now I’m not so sure I can do it. I’m so sorry.

This apartment looks nothing like the house I grow up in. We grow up in. I wish you could have finished growing there too. I wish you could have had just as many sleepovers there as I had, just as many thanksgiving turkeys, just as many “boyfriend/girlfriend meets the family” dinners, just as many memories.

Jason should be back before you arrive, I’ve already written him a note that I’m sure he’ll want to keep to himself. But I will tell you one thing it said. It said to please keep you save. Truth be told, I don’t really remember what else it said now, but I hardly think that matters at this point. I’ve lost feeling in my legs now.

I think the smaller bite is making the process slower. I remember the process that scientist explain to us. I’ve thought about it a thousand times. First my blood will thicken, slowing my heart, killing my brain. Then, my nervous system will take over and I’ll be gone. I hate the term “zombie”, it sounds like a change of species or something. I won’t be a new creature, I will just be an empty shell wearing my face, a trace of what I once was. A body I’ve worn. I’ve broken it in like a new pair of shoes. This body’s scars are mine; this body’s calices are mine; this body is mine.

Mom was a beautiful wasn’t she? I don’t remember her face but I remember her eyes. I was always jealous because you got moms eyes and I didn’t. I can’t remember whose eyes I have now. I always hoped I could grow up to be as beautiful she was. I miss her, Brady. I’m sure you do too.

This is a cry for help. PLEASE SOMEONE COME HELP ME. I don’t know where I am and I can’t walk. My name is Cor Coer Corey He Hun. I feel faint. Please help me. Someone come help me. I’m afraid. I think I’m hurt. I think I’m hurt. Brady I’m so sorry I let them hurt me.

My memory is going in waves. I was so scared. I forgot you. I’m so sorry. You know I love you, right? I’m going to wait for Jason. His note is already on the door so he’ll know I’m here before he comes in. I was supposed to take care of you. You know I lo-

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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

Madie2k said...
Oct. 12, 2013 at 10:26 am
Beutiful! Very well written!
Corey0 replied...
Oct. 25, 2013 at 12:28 am
Thank you so much!
ROYCEPHUS This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 1, 2013 at 4:38 am
This is very well done. I loved it :)
Corey0 replied...
Oct. 25, 2013 at 12:29 am
Thanks! Really means alot. :)
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