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The air was frigid. Evelyn was cold, not only outside, but in the depth of the mind, beyond where light shines. It is the middle of December, her favorite time of year. She did not like it for the holidays and cheer. She liked it because everyone was as cold as she always felt. The snow falls, but it is not why she shivers. She shivers with the thoughts that she harbors; the demons she feeds. They are hungry tonight. Her stomach turns with gripping pain, from fear or starvation she is not sure. She walks down the empty street, the only noise the clacking of her frost bitten feet. She does not know where she is going; only that she thirsts for vengeance, and they thirst for the blood that shall follow swiftly.
These thoughts had tormented Evelyn for years, though she had never acted out the wishes of the demons, until tonight. She never sent them away either. Instead she kept the secret buried deep, hoping it did not show. Until this moment, they had not been seen by others. She kept them under control, feeding them in small portions, a little blood from her wrist, and a burn from the fire. Tonight they were ravenous, as was she. So with determination, but for what she did not know, she walked swiftly down the ice roads. Soon, she began to recognize the path. It was the way to Timothy’s home. It was her home, or at least where her heart was.
She was almost to his house, almost at his door, almost reaching for his hidden key. This home, Timothy’s home, should have been her home as well. That was a future that was lost to her now, lost to everyone, especially him. He would never see the future of her waking up his bed. In fact, if she succeeded, he would not be waking up at all after tonight. She unlocked the door to Timothy’s house. She walked in, her heels echoing against the grand marble floor stretched out before her. It was far too nice in her opinion. She heard it, like her stomach growling, like the thoughts roaring to the point it was deafening and she was sure that he could hear it from his position upstairs. Although he probably cannot hear it, not only because the noise is so faint and tucked far, far away in the deepest part of her mind, but because he was with her, doing twisted things to her. Things he should be doing to me, Evelyn thought. It’s always been me. I was his true love, and that’s the way it was supposed to be. Why should she come in and steal the show? What right does she have to steal his heart, to take his body? She continued to ponder these questions, it only encouraging her resolve, as she slowly crept up the seemingly never ending stair case.
She continued through the halls of the upstairs, wondering where they were. As she approached the bedroom door, the madness in her head became so loud that she could not think. All thoughts of what she was about to do, what she should say, how to explain herself, vanished in the haze of red, revenge, and most of all, grief. All of these emotions drove her forward with a passion, sending her bursting through the door.
No one was in the room, though the noise of their love for each other grew louder once she had entered. She took no time to think about what she was doing. She flew through the room like a tornado. She had no control over her emotions, her mind, and her body. She entered his bathroom, and found him with her. That sight pushed Evelyn over the edge. She felt like she was jumping off a cliff. Seeing him, intertwined with her, all Evelyn could see was red everywhere. The voices rang out in her head what to do. They were not the only voices trying to gain her attention. Timothy spoke then.
“Evelyn, what are you doing here? Are you okay?” Timothy’s voice rang out calm in the madness of her mind, bringing her slowly back towards reality, and she saw what was going on clearly. Even though his voice sounded like that of someone concerned, Evelyn told herself she knew better than to believe the lies hidden in his honey colored eyes.
“No, Timothy, in fact I am not okay.” Her voice was clear and stable, though her mind was anything but.
Timothy looked at her with love in his eyes. Maybe it was just a whisper of the love he once held for her. It certainly could not be still true; he did not care anything for her anymore. Maybe he cared for her safety, her happiness, she thought, hoping for even that one thing to still be true in a world where nothing was the same anymore. She could not look into his eyes any longer; unsure of what she would find when she looked deeper into them. Instead, she turned to the girl. The girl looked at her with a thousand questions and fears swimming in the pools that had filled her eyes, now spilling down onto her checks as well. The eyes that looked back at the girl had no pity in them.
Evelyn spoke to Timothy, but still stared at the girl as she said “This is your fault, Timothy. This poor girl did nothing but love you, the same mistake I made once myself. It is a shame that she must suffer because of you. But that is what we do, is it not? We get pulled into your world, and then spit back out. But gravity keeps us orbiting, circling around nothing. You have made me this way, Timothy. The voices have told me so. They have told me all the things you have done to me. You are the one that torments me as I sleep. You are the one that put these horrible thoughts in my head. Not them. It was never their fault.” By the end, Evelyn only seemed to be trying to convince herself of these facts, Timothy and his girl almost forgotten. She whispered, “It is your fault, it has to be.”
Even as she said it, Evelyn knew it to be a lie. Her whole world was a lie at this point. She sank down on the ground. The voices yelled at her, but it was merely like the roar of the ocean, back ground music. The real story was unfolding now, the back ground music only enhancing the experience. It was a horrible experience for Evelyn. There was only one thing she knew could make it better.
“I’m so sorry Timothy.” She whispered, maybe more to herself than to him. The whisper was not filled with regret or remorse. Instead, it was full of intent.
With that, she went for his mistress, the rage finally coming back. Evelyn did not fight the feelings. Rage was easy, rage was safe. She let go of the Evelyn she once was, the one that loved Timothy, the good Evelyn, and became someone new. She simply grabbed this girl, a girl whose name she still did not know, and shoved her head into the bath that Timothy had already drawn, most likely for him to share with the woman now drowning in it. He only stood there watching, not in fascination, but in detached horror. What was he supposed to do? All he could see was this tragedy, but there was no way he could stop it now. Evelyn had broken again, as he knew she would. She always did. These lapses in her mental state hurt him. This was why it was too hard to be with her. He could only try to get her somewhere safe; somewhere they would not hurt her. He loved her too much to watch them take her away, punishing her for the demons that tormented her more than she had even tormented him.
He watched as this girl, a girl that meant little to him, died before his eyes. It has happened before. It was not Evelyn’s fault. He would protect her. Because he loved her.
Evelyn felt the body go limp, and she let go. It slumped forward into the tub. Goodbye. She thought, with a cruel smile to herself. This was not what she had come here for, but this death satisfied the hunger in her mind as well as any other would have, she supposed. She turned towards Timothy, almost sheepishly, as if she were afraid that he would scold her. She no longer harbored hatred for him. At least, not at the moment. The voices had gone to bed for now, leaving her almost too tired to stand, much less carry any sort of resentment for the man she loved.
“I am sorry, Timothy. I did not mean to.” She said softly, not meeting his forgiving gaze.
This had never been Evelyn’s intention. She meant to kill Timothy, not to hurt him this way. Still, it had worked just as well for the voices.
“Love, it is okay. I know. I know, honey. Let me take care of this. Please, go home now. Go to bed. I will come and get you tomorrow, okay?” he said gently to her, as if his voice alone could break her fragile state of mind.
“Okay.” She said, carefully making her way towards the long descent of stairs.
Already, she could hear the voices whispering. They would be back in full force by the morning. She was already confused on what she was doing in Timothy’s home, the recent past already slipping away with the deterioration of her mental state. That constant buzzing, the noise she could not rid herself of, would not go away. She wanted it to be gone now. She was too tired for it. She was too tired to go to bed as well, knowing that she would not be able to fall asleep with such racket. Even if she were able to lull herself into unconsciousness, it would not last long; the frightening nightmares she had often would wake her immediately. She stopped at the top of the stairs.
“Oh, Timothy,” She said softly. He did not turn right away, and so she wondered if he had heard her.
The voices laughed at her. They taunted her. They pushed her. They sent her towards her breaking point again.
“Yes?” he questioned, his voice low as well as he turned to see her near the railing of the stairs.
“Timothy, it did not mean what I said earlier. I cannot remember it right now, but whatever it was must have hurt your feelings.” She apologized.
They laughed more.
“Evelyn,” he sighed through his nose. “Evelyn, I forgive you. Please, now, will you just go home?”
They laughed, telling her he did not want her here any longer. He did not want her at all. In fact, he would not care one bit if she disappeared forever right now, right in front of his very eyes. He probably would not bat an eye if a black hole swallowed her up right now. Her eyes stole a quick glance at the first floor from the height that she stood.
NO! She wanted to scream at them. No, I will not believe your lies this time! Timothy loves me! He cares! She wanted to scream all these things at them, but they just grew louder and louder in her head. But she knew that they would not hear a word she said. Even if they did, she knew they would not care. They would not believe her. Maybe it was because she did not believe herself. Why should Timothy care? It was obvious all she could do was annoy him. The red in her thoughts was gone. It was now replaced with blue. The rage that had filled her eyes was now tears, threatening to boil over, threatening to go over the edge. Maybe that’s just what they needed, for her to go over the edge. Again, her eyes flickered past the banister.
All they needed was a little push. One... Two... Three...
None of this had been a part of her plan. The story had taken a hold of itself. The curve balls kept hitting her, knocking the wind out of her ribs relentlessly.
She could not hold the tears in any longer. One fell. Another one fell. And then there was no more. She did not understand why so few fell when it felt like she was standing in the middle of a storm, her thoughts swirling wildly around her. Surely her eyes convey the storm ravaging her mind. Surely Timothy could see what was going on inside her head with one glance at her face. He only said “Please, leave.”
“Okay.” Evelyn said.
And then she jumped, falling, one… two… gone…